newly adopted cat still hiding a lot

Question
2 1/2 weeks ago.I adopted a 1 1/2 year old kitty that I named Kia.  Of course she initially hid then 2 days later came out to say hello...even fell asleep on my lap twice. She continued to hide off and on and was doing really well until I had to take her to the vet 6 days later. Ever since we got home she's back into hiding most of the time. She has a great appetite, is using her litter box, scratching posts and plays with catnip toys on the floor here and there. When she's been out I play with her using a laser pointer (which she loves) and dangling toys. She's a very sweet little girl but I'm afraid that she will continue to hide preferring to be alone and not become my companion. Before I adopted her she was fostered by a woman for 3 months after being found as a stray. I know that she bonded with her foster mom so it must be very confusing to have been taken to a new home by a stranger *me*. I understand that at a year and a half she's very much still a kitten and can't sit still for very long unless she's sleeping. I should mention too that only a few weeks before I adopted Kia my 17 yr old cat Blue who was with me for 6 years died of a sudden illness.  He was my EVERYTHING wanting nothing more than to cuddle up against me and sleep.  Needless to say I miss my sweet Blue more than I can even express. I just couldn't live without a meow, that's what led me to adopting my gentle little girl. The thing is...I want and need a companion. I truly  understand that 6 years with an older cat who really loved me can't be compared to a newly adopted very young kitty who ahrdly even knows me...so then...am I expecting too much of Kia and worrying too soon that I'll never have that bond again?

Answer
Vicki,

I'd like to start off by telling you how very sorry I am that you've lost such a wonderful feline friend. It's very difficult for anyone to grieve the loss of a family member ~ it's important to remember that it takes time to grieve and although I'm sure you'll hear something to the effect of "It was just a cat" don't take any of that type of commentary personally because when you consider the source it's obvious that s/he has never had such a close and loving relationship with his/her pets. I have taken the liberty of including a few pieces of writing and the web addresses for some websites that will help to guide you through some of the most difficult parts of the grieving process, the quotes that I'm including have been very helpful for me during the times when I've had to say good-bye to beloved feline companions along the way. I hope with all of my heart that these resources will help to soothe the heartache and the empty space that Blue left behind in your heart.

The Rainbow Bridge

Just this side of heaven is a place called Rainbow Bridge.

When an animal dies that has been especially close to someone here, that pet goes to Rainbow Bridge.
There are meadows and hills for all of our special friends so they can run and play together.
There is plenty of food, water and sunshine, and our friends are warm and comfortable.

All the animals who had been ill and old are restored to health and vigor; those who were hurt or maimed are made whole and strong again, just as we remember them in our dreams of days and times gone by.
The animals are happy and content, except for one small thing; they each miss someone very special to them, who had to be left behind.

They all run and play together, but the day comes when one suddenly stops and looks into the distance. His bright eyes are intent; His eager body quivers. Suddenly he begins to run from the group, flying over the green grass, his legs carrying him faster and faster.

You have been spotted, and when you and your special friend finally meet, you cling together in joyous reunion, never to be parted again. The happy kisses rain upon your face; your hands again caress the beloved head, and you look once more into the trusting eyes of your pet, so long gone from your life but never absent from your heart.

Then you cross Rainbow Bridge together....

Author unknown...

Fragile Circle


"We who choose to surround ourselves with lives even more temporary than our own, live within a fragile circle, easily and often breached. Unable to accept its awful gaps, we still would live no other way. We cherish memory as the only certain immortality, never fully understanding the necessary plan."

Irving Townsend

May your whiskers be ruffled by only pleasant breezes,
May your bowls be filled with tuna and sweet cream,
May your dreams be blessed with legions of mice,
And most of all,
May you forever purr in peace.
Amen

Here are some online resources that I hope will help you remember Blue with all of the love you have in your heart for her. These resources may be helpful because in some cases they have online chats that deal specifically with grieving the loss of a pet. I really hope that you find them helpful, but please be sure to send me any feedback about these sites because it's important to me that I provide pet parents with the best help possible, especially when they've just lost one or more of their feline fur kids.

~ petloss.com

This site has all kinds of information about the grief process and they offer online chats and ceremonies that celebrate the life of beloved fur children and the wonderful bond between pet and guardian.

~ http://psychology.suite101.com/article.cfm/grieving_the_death_of_a_pet

On this site you'll find more formal tips and information about the psychology of the grieving process when you've experienced the loss of an animal companion.

~ http://vetmedicine.about.com/od/petlosssupporthotlines/Pet_Loss_Grief_Support_Ho...

This site offers a list of grief support resources for pet parents living in the US.

~ http://www.petlosssupport.ca/

This website provides information about resources to help pet parents living in Canada cope with the loss of a much loved animal companion.

Based on the history that you've provided about Kia I would say that she's simply in need of some time to adjust to her new home. It sounds like she's been through quite a bit in her short life and it will take some time for her to become more confident and comfortable in her new home. The fact that Kia is eating, drinking, using her litter pan and playing with her toys is a good sign. If you'd like to help accelerate Kia's recovery from the anxiety of having so many changes happen in her life within a very short period of time you can pick up a bottle of a homeopathic remedy called Bach's Rescue Remedy which is a blend of 5 flower essences that's specifically intended to help calm and reassure. Rescue Remedy has been used for years by some veterinarians and pet parents worldwide, it's very safe, gentle and effective which is why I keep a bottle on hand at home at all times (you just never know when you'll need it since it's a great general purpose remedy). You can find Rescue Remedy at most health food stores and naturopathic pharmacies. Although I've been told that there is a formula of Rescue Remedy specifically designed for pets I can't tell you how well it works since I've always used the human formula on cats that have needed a bit of extra help to regain a comfortable state of balance. The human version of Rescue Remedy will not hurt Kia (or any other cat as far as I'm aware since I've used it on cats ranging in age from 3-4 weeks to 18 years of age and it's always worked wonderfully without hurting the kitty in any way) and it's much easier to find than the pet specific formula which is in a glycerine base rather than the traditional alcohol base that homeopathic remedies are preserved in. I will say this ~ the vast majority of cats absolutely would prefer to avoid taking Rescue Remedy by mouth unless you put the drops into their water bowl. Over the years I've found that giving Rescue Remedy to cats works quite well with the least amount of stress when you gently massage a drop at a time into the outside of kitty's ear flaps ~ once your fingers are moistened with the remedy after you applied a drop to Kia's ear flap and rubbed it in you can also gently rub in the remainder of the remedy to the inside of Kia's ear or the relatively fur free area in front of her ears. I've also gently massaged a drop or two of Rescue Remedy into the fur on the very top of cats' heads and seen great results. The only thing that you need to be concerned about when administering Rescue Remedy is that you don't get any into Kia's eyes or ear canals because the remedy is preserved in a grape alcohol solution which can sting if it ends up coming into contact with the kitty's eyes or any abrasions she might have on the inside of her ears that we're not aware of. I would say that you can start off by giving Kia 3-5 drops of Rescue Remedy twice daily administered as I've recommended ~ you'll probably notice that she comes out of hiding relatively quickly (say within a few days tops based on my experience, some kitties take less time, others need a bit more). I would also strongly encourage you to consider looking for a homeopathic veterinarian or a holistic vet trained in the use of homeopathy to provide Kia's care for a variety of reasons including:

~ Holistic vets will generally reach for natural remedies rather than always reaching for conventional drugs that may simply suppress the behaviours and symptoms instead of treating the root of the problem.

~ The majority of holistic vets take a gentler approach than most vets who only practice conventional medicine (in my experience these vets are more in tune to details that are often lost on folks who only use a conventional approach).

~ Holistic vets are able to offer recommendations that will permit you to give Kia the healthiest, safest diet possible which will mean that she's less likely to become seriously ill than a kitty who is eating lower quality, highly processed foods (after all, most of us would be pretty sick if we ate McDonald's day in, day out for our entire lives).

~ It has been my experience that holistic vets are less pushy about invasive procedures and they are also up to date on the latest information available to vets about the possibility of administering too many vaccines, too frequently.

Beyond the reasons listed above to try and ensure that your baby girl will have the best possible medical care and have the best chance to live a long, healthy life as free of serious health problems as possible I have a more concrete reason to recommend holistic health care to pet parents. During the Menu Foods pet food recalls of 2007 my eldest cat developed severe kidney failure after eating a very well known pet food often recommended by veterinarians. When we realized that something was very wrong with our girl we immediately took her to the vet (the only one open was a 24-hr emergency animal hospital at that time of the morning). After blood tests and an x-ray the on call vet very bluntly broke the horrible news to us ~ our girl had kidney failure and she was not likely to survive for much longer, in fact the vet recommended euthanasia ASAP to relieve our baby's suffering. We weren't prepared to make that decision without our vet having a look at MC so we took the x-ray and copies of our girl's blood results and brought our girl home. Once we got through to the vet and filled her in on the morning's events up to that point she told us to meet her at the clinic ASAP which we did. It was scary watching our girl get hooked up to an IV knowing that she very well might die, but we wanted to give her the best possible chance of surviving and making it through this tough situation. After conventional treatment (IV fluids, expensive prescription diet) our girl's kidney function continued to deteriorate further based on blood results taken 24 and 48 hours after she was admitted to the hospital. Luckily our vet had another path to try with our girl and she began giving MC homeopathic remedies to help turn the situation around and get her kidney function back on track. Our vet decided to wait 48 hours after beginning the remedies before re-checking the kidney function. 48 hours after starting the remedies we got a call in the evening that let us know that the impossible had happened ~ our girl's kidney function had returned completely to normal and the vet wanted to keep her overnight for observation until the following morning. We were ecstatic to see how much MC (which is short for Miracle Cat by the way, but that's a whole other story...) had improved, she was spunky, happy to see us (and be out of a hospital cage) and she had plenty of attitude to go around. Our favourite technician took our girl's last set of vitals for the chart and when she came into the exam room we'd been waiting in we all had a good laugh. It turns out that our girl didn't appreciate having her temperature taken rectally and being back to her spunky little self she wasn't shy to make her feelings known, in fact our girl had gone so far as to swat the thermometer out of the tech's hand and it landed on the floor. At that point we knew that our girl would be okay and we were extremely grateful. Having done some research on renal failure in cats when MC was diagnosed I was under the impression that our girl needed to have daily injections of fluids under her skin to help her kidneys function better and prevent dehydration (cats with kidney failure aren't able to concentrate their urine as they normally would which is why they need more fluid) and an expensive prescription diet (roughly $4 CAN per can) for the remainder of her life. We were willing to do that if that's what it took for MC to have a good quality of life and be healthier.

After roughly a year on supplemental fluids (she hated the prescription diet so that whole idea didn't fly once she got home) our vet surprised us by suggesting that we wean our girl off of her fluids gradually to see if her kidney function remained within the normal range. We were nervous that our girl would get sick again, but we trust our vet so we did as she asked. Once MC was completely off of her fluids we took her in for repeat blood tests to determine how well her kidneys were functioning and we were hoping for the best, but expecting the worst at that point so we were overjoyed to find out that our girl's kidney function was 100% normal. Two years after weaning our girl off of her fluids her kidney function has remained stable ~ since homeopathy isn't very well understood by veterinarians who only practice conventional medicine there really isn't any scientific explanation for MC's complete recovery. I believe that homeopathy saved my baby girl's life and I really believe that it's well worth providing the most kitty friendly medical care, nutrition, exercise, etc and homeopathy is just an extension of that belief. The way that I see it is that when it comes to homeopathic remedies the absolut worst thing that can happen provided that the remedies are given using common sense and prescribed by an experienced homeopathic/holistic vet is that you won't see any change in a cat's behaviour or medical condition. At best, as my vet puts it "Homeopathy goes right for the cure."

Given the fact that you've lost a kitty recently I do think it's important for you to take the time that you need to grieve Blue's loss properly. Although I know that you'd do just about anything at this point to have Blue back in your lap to cuddle with it is important to realize that Blue had her own unique personality and no matter how much you might want Kia to be similar to Blue in personality the chances of that are pretty low. It's important to be patient with Kia and allow her to reveal her personality to you and form a bond with you gradually. Loving relationships of any kind take time to build and nuture, it's no different when you're talking about the bond between a four legged fur child and a human caregiver. It takes time to get to know each other well and I really do believe that you're capable of forming that special bond again once you've had some time to begin healing from the grief of losing Blue ~ it truly is obvious just how much you love her and miss her.

If you're interested in learning more about homeopathy, safe, species appropriate nutrition for Kia and some tips on how best to work with a shy kitty that's easily startled into hiding I'd be more than willing to help you out to the best of my ability. I'm also open to any questions or concerns you might have about the information that I've provided in this answer. If you do need someone who understands the pain of losing a beloved feline companion I'm more than happy to listen or provide a shoulder to cry on I'm willing to be as supportive as possible in my capacity as a volunteer on this site. If you have any further cat related questions or concerns please don't hesitate to contact me again.