anti social bully gelding

Question
My gelding (owned for a year)approximate. 15yo with no history to go on. seems extremely jealous of my mare 9yo ( owned 10 mo).Jealous of my attention but yet he abuses me when he gets my attention! She is very docile, he is very aggressive but funny thing also very protective of her. I have been giving them alone time in the paddock and together time. Mostly to give each other a break. She is not allowed to socialize over the fence, near the fence or otherwise with other horses.But at the same time he makes her keep away from his personal space. My gelding takes his role WAY to serious. Unfortunately, I can't put him with other horses because he panics without the mare but yet is very strict with her when he is with her.He even jumped the fence to come to my mares rescue when  3 mares were running over to her ( one lead mare and 2 others)and he was 2 paddocks away! Now I keep them together as not to cause total havoc at the stable I board at.   other issues, I am boarding with an experienced trainers place ( a woman) and my horses both get reg. training/work. My gelding continues to have respect issues with women and he is head shy for men and women. I am a 53 yo(women) new horse owner but I read everything I get my hands on and am very hands on and selfcare boarder. While I know my gelding doesn't like change ( he really is quite the habit creature)he does his training sessions well and he is very smart an knows his stuff as my trainer says,he is a quarter horse with an attitude. Which is fine EXCEPT he continues to be way to pushy for me ( not my trainer) Even though he does test my trainer regularly. It seems to become a battle of the wills which is not good. He really does not respect me even though I practice same ground rules/manners as my trainor.I vet my horses, float their teeth have reg farrier care good diet use calming aide top dressing for him, regular exercise and training.  At my witts end.. any suggestions I am starting to think he is a head case!!

Answer
You are feeling what all people feel when they don't understand a horse.  Your horse is being perfectly normal.  You have to think like a horse, read my web site, it may help.

Horse are not mean, don't have attitudes and do what they always do in a herd.  Your horse has his mare, his herd.  Horses are very social and can't sleep or relax without another horse.  Never keep a horse alone and from his herd, it causes stress, can cause colic, and will result in unwanted behavior.  Horses are horses, very simple.  You horse treats you like his mare.  Not mean or aggressive, he moves the mare and makes her respect him so if there is danger, she will listen.  The head horse has a huge responsibility in the herd and is watchful for danger, he protects the herd and loves his herd.  In the horse world, the horse that moves the other horse is in charge.......this is key, if you move the horse, you are in charge, if he horse moves you, he is in charge.

So your trainer moves the horse so he listens to her, you allow your horse to move you, get away with pushing you or pulling you so he thinks he is in charge.  If does not mean he is being mean, he actually would protect you, since he thinks he has too.  A horse would like to have a strong herd leader, you, so he would not have to worry about other things and would look to you to keep him safe, but horses know that if you are not strong enough to be leader, they will take over to ensure only the strongest are in charge, this ensues the safety of the herd...think like a horse, learn how a horse thinks and see the world and you will see a big change in your horse.

Hate to say it, but the problem is you not the horse.  There are no horse problems only people problems.  People don't understand a horse so they blame the horse.  Horses are honest and very predictable, if you understand them.

Hope this helps,

Rick