newly adopted kitten care question

Question
Jessica,

Thank you so much for your answer.  

I'm sorry I forgot to mention the kitten's age.  She is about 9 1/2 weeks old. I know that breeders do keep kittens longer, but most of the adoption and rescue organizations do usually put them up around this time.

I understand the points you have made.  The reason I was so concerned was this was not work, or shopping, etc.  She felt like playing cards with her sister.  And she and I had talked a few times before about the idea that she needed to plan to stay home as much as possible unless necessary for 2 weeks or so until the kitten was more secure.  Her sister lives close by and the card nights are very informmal things.  She just felt like going and put that above the kitten, after telling me she was not going to do that.

When I found out she was going out and reminded her of her commitment, her answer was, "Well, I'm going."

And there were other things.  She has a very unstable wicker shelving unit that she was supposed to have secured, but she "forgot."  I told her 2 different times to take the heavy sharp frames, glass vases, etc., off it until she could get it secured. She hasn't bothered to do that either, and I'm sure you know how much cats love wicker.  I know what's going to happen the first time the kitten discovers and climbs up it.

She did not put aside the money to get the kitten its shots, I am having to lay out the money for her now, even though I told her she'd need it.  Instead, she bought herself clothes and shoes.

I had already done what you suggested.  When I gave her the kitten, I also gave her the pillow I had gotten especially for them, taking it from the kitten I still had, since he still has his Mom and his familiar surroundings, for her to give her to sleep on, since she loved to sleep on it here.  She didn't bother to put it out. I had to remind her.

She asked me about declawing.  I told her if I thought she would do that I would never have given her the kitten.  She said she wouldn't, but by now, I'm not so sure.

I told her the kitten needed deworming. She ignored that, and I have to do it for her.

She was going to have her brother come over with his cat to see if they'd get along.  She hasn't had her shots yet, and her brother's cat spends a lot of time outdoors.  I told her not to until a week after the kitten gets its shots, but I have a feeling she will ignore that too.  She said his cat is fine and not sick.

It seems all she wants is to have the kitten entertain her when she feels like it, the way she feels like it, but now has shown she really is not willing to take the responsibility, or show much concern for the kitten's needs and well being.

And I agree, there are many homeless kittens, but I am working with an cat rescue organization that is very careful about the homes they find, as best as can be expected.  And they have many excellent foster homes if necessary.  

And leaving her alone like that not even 24 hours after she got her?  For an informal card game that she can do anytime?  Work, other commitments, I very well can understand.  Hey, at the very least, I am right next door. if she had any caring for the feelings of the kitten, she could have told me she wanted to go out and asked if she could bring her over for a while. I'm right next door, and would have been happy to do it.  

I feel if she is that nonchalant about her at this early stage, what happens in a few months when it's not a novelty and she gets bored or tired?  

She made commitments to me before I gave her the kitten which she broke, with the attitude of once she had her, she'd do anything she wanted.  I know that sadly, not all homes end up to be ideal, kittens get abandoned, etc.  But I would never forgive myself if I left it in that kind of situation.  This is all just in 24 hours.  

Anyway, thank you again.  I have decided to take the kitten back from her and hope that my decision is the right one.  Even if I end up keeping it myself.

But boy, was she happy to see her brother!! They haven't stop playing for an hour!  





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Followup To
Question -
Jessica, thank you for being here to help. I am very impressed by your background, and your capacity and willingness to give what seems to be the hardest to those sweet innocent babies that need it most.

I recently was adopted by a stray, wonderful, sweet, and very pregnant cat, who had a litter of 5 a week later.  I am keeping Mom and one kitten, 3 I have turned over to a local rescue group (who I will hopefully be volunteering with soon), and one I gave to a neighbor and new cat owner, who, after many talks, convinced me she would make a good, committed home for the kitten.  

(And yes, I am having Mom spayed immediately, this week even).

I spent a lot of time with the mother and kittens, gave them lots of love, interaction, and training, and I must admit I am very proud of how they turned out.  Even the rescue agency was impressed.  They are happy, healthy, smart (they all fetch, even at that young age), and very, very people oriented.  And used to a LOT of interaction.

I spent many hours with my neighbor, talking to her about the responsibilities of taking the kitten, the committment involved, and since she was a new cat owner, many of the things I felt were important in order to raise a happy, healthy, well-adjusted cat.  She convinced me that she would give her a good home.  

Sadly, I am afraid she might have pulled the wool over my eyes because since I turned over the kitten to her this weekend, she has done things (and not done things) I feel are not in the cat's best interests.

One issue in particular has gotten me upset enought that I am strongly considering just taking the cat back.  But before doing that, I felt it would at least be fair to give her the benefit of the doubt and seek out another opinion.

One of the things we discussed was the fact that I knew she went out often during the week to play cards with family, to visit friends, and I told her that for the first few weeks the kitten would be stressed, and frightened, especially since it was used to being with its Mom and siblings, and that I felt she should stay at home with it as much as possible.  She seemed to agree at the time.

However, just barely 24 hours after she took the kitten into her home, she left it by itself to visit her sister (something she does all the time, so it was not a big deal to not do this -- her sister lives quite close).  I was angry when  found out.  I tried to explain this was a baby, and it's just been there a day, was probably scared, and needed her there, like we discussed.

She said the kitten came to her to play that afternoon, so she knows the kitten is fine now and it's okay to leave it alone.  

She invited me over to her house for coffee that same night, and I went because I wanted to see how the kitten was for myself.

Yes, the kitten was playful, but it was also howling (I had never heard her, or any of the others, make that kind of noise before), and looking all over, I assume for her mother and siblings.  And when she saw me, she ran up to me and up my body, and while I held her she purrsd extremely loudly, and seemed to be shaking a bit.  She was never one to like being held too much (she always preferred playing) so I knew something was wrong.  Although I"m not certain, it felt as if it was more than just being happy to see a familiar face.

I believe it was too early to leave the kitten alone for hours, and she should have been prepared for staying home unless necessary for at least 2 or 3 weeks as we had discussed to help the kitten adjust to being alone.

I feel she was probably terrified being alone.

My neighbor feels there was nothing wrong with what she did (even though she made me believe beforehand she would not leave the kitten alone early on).

What is your opinon?  

Thank you in advance.


Answer -
Hi Deborah!  Thanks for all your kind words.  And more importantly, thanks for doing such a wonderful thing for this mama and her babies!  You've made a huge difference for these guys, and ultimately, for the entire pet population.

My first thought - how old are these kittens?  Before the age of twelve weeks, kittens are really not strong enough emotionally to be away from their mother and siblings.  I know that 8 weeks is the accepted age to part mother and kittens.  However, this really does an injustice to all.  Breeders, responsible ones, anyway, will not let their kittens go before this age.  Many wait until 16 weeks.  It's proven they have less behavioral and physical health problems when they do.  Kittens younger than that are not confident that they can make it on their own.  They're unable to bear stress.  Their immune systems are not mature.  One recent study conducted by breeders and vets even suggested they are more likely to succumb to disease throughout life, and some fatal ones at that.

If this baby is younger than 12 weeks, I'd urge you to see if you can get the baby back.  She will be better able to handle the stress of separation at this age.

As far as your neighbor, I agree that someone should try to be home as much as possible when they first adopt a cat.  I try to take in cats on Fridays if I have a choice.  That way, I can spend the weekend with them.  Going to work is unavoidable for most of us, but being there at least a few hours a day is really important.

But, even if someone stays home with them 24/7, there is going to be fright and grief.  Cats go through the same emotions we do when we're faced with a loss or a strange situation.  They are better able to cope if they have the support of something or someone familiar.  Even if your neighbor had stayed home with her, she would've clung to you.  This is the reason I rarely adopt a single kitten out to people.  I strongly urge that they go in pairs.  Or do you have a worn t-shirt you could give her to sleep with?  Your scent will provide her with emotional support.

I understand your feelings.  This is a heartbreaking part of fostering.  Giving them up, thinking about the fear and uncertainty they'll go through, is just awful.  But there are so many to be placed.  And there are so many awful people out there!  Sometimes, we have to choose the lesser of evils.  I don't know your neighbor.  But if you think some alone time is going to be the worst that happens, you may be better off to leave the kitten with her.  It's better to do that than to send her off with someone who may not care for her at all.  Cats are disposable to so much of the population.

If your neighbor is going to make it a habit of being out and about, do you suppose she would consider adopting another cat or kitten?  Perhaps one of the littermates from the rescue group, if possible?  Cats who live with other cats are healthier emotionally, physically, behaviorally, and mentally.  While the attention of another cat won't replace the attention of a person, it does help prevent loneliness, and it provides support during stressful times, even if the owner isn't there.

Answer
Deborah, since you feel that strongly about it, you have made the right decision to take the kitten back.  A lot of times when things don't feel right, there's a reason.  And it's much better to take her back now rather than later.

I wish you the best of luck in your search for the right home for this little girl!

Jessica