3 month old filly turning backend and kicking out

Question
Hi,
I have a 3 month old filly whom I am now trying to put a halter on.  Because of some health issues (mine) that were unexpected I was not able to start with her sooner. I am able to rub and pet her all over and she willing comes over to "visit" for pets and rubs.  I can rub done her legs and pick up her feet very briefly.   My plan is for her to be my lifelong companion....so, needless to say I am trying not to make any mistakes!  My question is....why is my filly behaving like she does?   She will abruptly, at times, although not all the time, turn her backend toward me or her mother and start backing into me (or her mother) and has at times kicked out, with her ears back.  I am not sure where this is coming from, as her mother does not do this and her mother stands there and takes it while being kicked by her baby, which also confuses me...and she kicks pretty darned hard! I would like to learn the appropriate thing to do to persuade her that this is not the thing to do.  How do I make it uncomfortable for to do this?  I guess what I need is a suggestion of what to do with such a young horse without ruining her, either by letting her get away with it or being too harsh with her.  I am taking my time with the halter and having just getting it over her nose over and over again, but leaving her alone once the interest is gone, as they have short attention spans.   This filly was very timid when born.  I was there for the birth and was touching her and stroking her all over within minutes of birth, but once up suckling she was always running behind mom.  This is a first foal for the mare, and she has done really well as a mom, but doesn't seem to discipline her.  Any suggestions would be helpful.  I am not new to horses, but am not as familiar with problems/issues with young ones.   I have another mare I have had since birth and she was so easy to halter break and to ride.   She is now 24.  This foal may be more of a challenge, but she really is my focus for longterm.  I appreciate and suggestions you may have.

Answer
Hi Penny!

What a lucky little filly to have you as an owner!  I love it when people really think about their horses and put heart and soul into their lives and education.  Good for you!

My favorite mare sounds just like your mare.  She never set boundaries for her first foal.  When he needed a good nip, she never did it.  Her colt was a pistol!  Big, bold and fearless his mother was so grateful to get rid of him.  Weaning was a breeze!!!  Your filly sounds a bit more shy but still has the boldness to challenge her mother and you!  You need to become boss mare of your herd.  Baby needs some clear boundaries on proper horse behavior because her mother is not offering the information.  Bummer!  

A good nip with proper timing is what baby needs.  Spend lots of time with your mare and don't force yourself on the filly.  Spend this time building trust and confidence, you will really need this.  As you are grooming, petting and rubbing the mare, be very aware of what your filly is doing.  If she approaches you in a respectful manner, reach out to her if she stops, you stop!  Take a step back and draw her in.  If she will stay with you, rub her, pet her from the heart, let her know you really care.  Stop rubbing her BEFORE she leaves, I want you to leave first.  You are working on hooking the filly on and drawing her in.  You have to use her natural curiousity as a draw.  Never step into her unless you are wanting to drive her off at this point.  Let her know that being around you in a respectful manner is a really good deal...now here comes the but...

IF she approaches and is pushy and has her neck snaked and her ears pinned, send her away.  Do what it takes to get the change and no more. I want you to keep a rope halter with a 12' tree line lead, no metal snaps please,  over your arm when you are in with mare and baby.  Get things set up so you can respond with proper timing when baby needs to have her energy refocused.  If she is approaching you head first in a naughty manner, step into her with energy and a body posture that says "move it kid!"  Watch experienced mares in the pasture, they know how to move a naughty baby.  Do the same thing.  Learn how to pin your ears and snake YOUR neck and mean it!  A horse knows when you know and they know when you don't know, even a baby, so commit to the action, no kidding.  If you need to come into her shoulder with the tail end of your lead rope, do it.  One overhand nip with the leather popper on the end of a tree line lead and a new relationship between you and baby will blossom!  If baby is backing into you at the second she turns tail toward you, NIP with the lead!!! Then just go back to grooming mom.  No harm, no foul, no anger and no grudge.  Just happily continue grooming the mare.  

Remember, you have just turned the universe upside down for your very bossy little filly so expect that she will be looking at you very differently.  It will be a bit of a shock for her because her mother never set boundaries for her.  But, you will all be fine.  When she approaches and she will, reach for her, if you feel her starting to back off, stop.  Take a step back and draw her in.  When you get her to the point where she will stay, rub her and make sure it feels good. Scratch her and rub her all over.  If you rub her bum, make sure she stays respectful.  You will have to use your good judgement to know the difference between her really loving to have her bum scratched and her backing into you to kick.  This is feel, timing and balance and you will just have to sort it out.  Don't be afraid to make mistakes Penny.  We all do.  The wonderful thing is that horses are so forgiving and they respond to heartfelt treatment even if it means a  nip now and then.  You wouldn't allow your own kids to demand a cookie and then kick you in the shin!  It would have been nice if your mare would do more of the baby raising!  You will just have to do it for her.  Your mare has a spoiled child and you have to be Super Nanny!

When baby is good reward!  Be soft, smooth and quiet.  Offer special scratching and rubbing.  Be aware of the second her attitude shifts and send her away for being spoiled.  Horses are herd animals.  The last place they want to be is alone.  Good behavior gets to stay and is rewarded, bad behavior gets a nip and banishment to the far end of the stall or paddock.

Penny, you are doing a great job.  You will not ruin her.  Be solid, smooth, dependable and confident and your horses will be the same.  I'm here to help when you need it!  

Smiles and Miles, Horseback of course!  Denise