potty training my scared puppy

Question
I have a new puppy, she's about... 3 months old. she was abused in the home before she came to my house. i really get worried when she makes a mess in the house, because she will become a big dog. The thing that worries me the most is that i might scare her away. she is very fragile but very loving and intellegent. i have no problem with giving her time to learn, but my boyfriend does. he is very touchy concerning her because she is'nt exactly what he wanted. how do i teach her nicely to stop the house-wetting. Only problem is that she gets so exited (or scared) that she wets herself. how do i train her that she lets me know when she wants to go?  

Answer
Hi Jeanne,

Thanks for sending me a question at ALlExperts.  Before I answer some items, I would like know how long you have had your young dog, what breed she is, and how you know she was abused and what type of abuse she endured.  I also am curious as to why you refer to her as "fragile."  Do you mean fragile physically; fragile emotionally; or both?  Why do you think so?

Some people, when they feel a dog has been abused, are afraid of setting reasonable limitations for the dog, such as where the dog can potty.  They feel that the dog has 'been through enough' and they err on the side of being too cautious and spoiling the dog in favor of teaching the dog what the dog needs to know - what it can and cannot chew, what parts of the home are on limits and what parts are off limits, how to be in a crate, and where the dog can potty, as examples.  Make sure that you are not erring on the side of spoiling this dog and not giving the dog what it sorely needs, which is communication and kind and consistent leadership and training, because you feel the dog has been abused.  Dogs actually yearn to know what 'the rules' and boundaries are and thrive on consistency and communication from their human caretakers.  More than hugs and kisses, what your dog needs to know is 'the way things work' in your home.  

You and your boyfriend, especially if he spends a lot of time in your home with the dog, both need to agree on what the dog needs to learn, and then agree on setting about teaching the dog using the same positive methods, humanely and consistently in partnership with each other.  

When you say that "she gets so excited (or scared) that she wets herself," it _sounds_ as if you may be referring to something other than a housetraining problem, such as submission urination, fear urination, or excitement urination.  If you can tell me specifically what happens when she "wets herself" I can direct you better to what help your dog may need, as submissive and other types of urination I mentioned are very different from a housetraining issue.  I would also recommend that the dog get a thorough vet check-up if she has not already had one, or if it's been longer than eight weeks since she has had one, letting the vet know exactly what you have written here at AllExperts and any other issues you feel are of importance regarding your dog's behaviour.

As far as housetraining goes, the best thing to do is get your dog on a schedule of feeding and walking where the schedule remains the same every day.  Dogs need to be walked first thing when they wake up in the morning; then again after being fed and watered; after sleeping and during or right after playing; and in your dog's case, the dog should be walked every three to four hours at this age and be given a chance to eliminate at those times.  At this age, your dog will need to be taken outside to potty at least seven times a day.  That number may be reduced as she gets older and achieves more control.

If you put a little bell at your dog's nose or paw level on the door to the outside and ring it just before you open the door to take her out, she will start to associate this sound with going out.  Most dogs learn this way within a few weeks that when they ring the bell themselves, they can alert you that they need to go out and will do so - ring the bell and alert you!  You can hasten this process along by actually taking her paw gently and having her swipe and ring the bell, telling her GOOD GIRL, and then opening the door to take her out.  Either way, dogs can learn that ringing the bell means that they have a way to alert you that they need to go out.

Also, ask your boyfriend to be patient.  Three months is very young to have learned to be housetrained.  Your dog's bladder and other body parts aren't even fully developed at this age, especially if, as you write, she's going to be a big dog.  Six months to a year is a more reasonable expectation for having a dog be completely housetrained.  If your boyfriend is not on board with the dog's needs, it will take longer to train her and to build her confidence.  The best thing he can do is to be a partner with you in the dog's training, both for the sake of your relationship with the dog and for the sake of helping the dog.

If you are able, I would also get her into a puppy class to interact with other people and dogs.  Be sure the go into a class that uses positive and gentle methods, and no choke or pinch collars.  Look for a class that encourages emphasis on what the dog is doing right rather than a class that encourages a lot of corrections.  This type of 'emphasis on the positive' and gentle training is called 'positive reinforcement' and is the best type of training for your dog.  The class instructor may also be able to assist you with some of the questions you wrote in here and be able to direct you to some good reading material so that you can better understand your dog.  You also have the option of working for a few lessons with an in-home, personal dog trainer.  You may find one at www.APDT.com

Best of luck!
Madeline at AllExperts, www.ny-njDogTrainer.com