Sleeping arrangements

Question
QUESTION: Dear Ms. Vassonei, first thank you for reading this and being able to hopefully help. Here's my challenge: as of this writing, our dog sleeps in her bed downstairs in our living room. Needless to say, she really wants to sleep with us in our bed. However, I've been told that is not the way to go with a dog. Am I wrong ??? We tried the crate in our bedroom, she barked all hours, scratched at the mesh covering, etc - so we stopped that. While she sleeps downstairs, we close our bedroom door. Last night, we experimented by bringing her bed up to our room, putting her in it, shutting the lights. She then jumped up on our bed. We lifted her off and put her back in her bed. Shut the lights again, same thing. She jumped up, we put her back in her bed. Third time, same thing. My wife was exasperated, so she kept her on our bed for the night. I'm guessing you're going to tell me that was a big mistake. She's 19 mo. old, a rescue, dominant little Lhasa Apso - female. What methods should we employ to get her to stay in her bed and not jump up on our bed - but wait to be invited up ???
Thanks again Ms.Vassonei,
Stephan

ANSWER: Hi, Stephan,

You started off your question with saying that your dog sleeps in her bed downstairs in your living room, but that she really wants to sleep in your bed.

Let me ask you, if she is sleeping in her bed downstairs, what is she doing to make you think she wants to sleep in your bed?  I guess my question to you is, if she's 19 months old now, has she been up to this point OK with sleeping downstairs?  Or has she been trying to come upstairs to your bedroom?  This part I'm a little unclear on.

As far as letting a dog sleep in the bed, that's up to each individual person with their individual dog.  There is no right or wrong answer.  We have both of our dogs sleep with us; both are golden retrievers who know their place in our "pack."

What you might want to teach her is a sit/stay or down/stay, which will take time and patience on your part.  It is not an overnight solution.  At the point where she knows these skills, you can tell her to "down" on her bed, "stay" and then when your ready, call her up onto your bed.  The down/stay and sit/stay are skills normally taught in obedience classes, so enrolling in a session might be helpful.

As far as the dominance issues and her ASSUMING it is OK to come up on the bed, I'm including some documents that will hopefully give you some suggestions.

http://www.marinhumanesociety.org/Behavior/Handouts/PEP.pdf
http://www.ddfl.org/behavior/educated-dog.pdf
http://www.ddfl.org/behavior/nilif.pdf


---------- FOLLOW-UP ----------

QUESTION: Dear Ms. Vassonei, thank you, you're reply is terrific. Wanted to address your question above. Because we weren't successful several months ago in getting her to sleep in her bed - in our room - we decided to let her sleep in her bed downstairs, basically giving her run of the house. We know she'd rather be with us - because in the past when we would say, Halle (that's her name), come on up, she'd run up with us. My first step is to do what you suggest, to issue down and stay commands, which she's quite good at during all other times of the day. Let me ask you this: if we issue the down and stay, then turn out the lights - and she continues to jump on the bed, do we just keep on taking her off our bed and putting her back in her own bed ?  And if that doesn't work, what should we do next ?

ANSWER: " if we issue the down and stay, then turn out the lights - and she continues to jump on the bed, do we just keep on taking her off our bed and putting her back in her own bed ?  And if that doesn't work, what should we do next ?"

I am assuming then that you do not plan to very often, if at all, give her a release command so that she can leave her bed and jump up on yours?

It's never advised to give a dog a command you cannot enforce; for instance, calling your dog to "come" from across the yard and giving them the option to obey or not.  All this does is tell them they have the option to refuse.  So, if you give your dog a down/stay, turn off the lights to go to bed, and she jumps up on the bed, what she is learning is that she doesn't HAVE to stay.

What I would recommend in this case is to tether her in some way to her bedding area.  This document explains the tether/tie down, but I would not use the length suggested; instead make it short enough so that she has room to change positions on her bed but NOT long enough that she can reach your bed.  This technique should ONLY be used when a human is present; do not leave your dog attached to this unattended.

http://www.marinhumanesociety.org/Behavior/Handouts/TieDowns.pdf


---------- FOLLOW-UP ----------

QUESTION: Ms. Vassonei, to answer your question, we do want to give her a release command. We would do that when my wife and I are waking up, and while our dog is still in her own bed. Then we'd invite her up to our bed. Do you feel that we can ultimately get her to stay in her own bed if we continuously put her back in her own bed after she jumps on our bed ?

Answer
"Do you feel that we can ultimately get her to stay in her own bed if we continuously put her back in her own bed after she jumps on our bed ?"

Possibly, but you should exect to have some nights of intermittent sleep while you are doing the training of putting her back in her bed.  You may want to have lots of "practice" sessions where you and your wife pretend to be going to bed, but are really awake, so that you can make your corrections.

You said the key word - "continuously."  That may get old after a while.

I wouldn't rule out the tether idea.