Poodles!

Question
Hi! I've been having some problems with a stupid poodle that I bought. I'm not sure, but I think it's the same brand you have. I bought it like 2 months ago, and I really take care of it well (buying it expensive doggy clothing, the best food brands, diamond collars, etc.), yet this God forsaken thing won't shut up! All I hear is *YAP YAP YAP*, all day long! I'm telling you... this bitch doesn't know the value of the almighty dollar because if s/he did (I'm not sure if it's a boy or a girl), it would be the most well-behaved dog on the planet. I originally wanted it because I wanted one to carry around in my purse and as a companion (like Paris Hilton and her dog Tinkerbell), but this dog was a M-I-S-T-A-K-E... mistake! I put it in my pocketbook (a new Fendi Spy Bag), and it PISSED ALL OVER THE PLACE! That dog ruined a $2500 bag! He's lucky I stopped living by the motto "You piss on me, I piss on you," a few years ago, or else that dog would be covered in the brightest, yellow urine I could find. Hell, I'd probably dehydrate myself just so it was extra potent. Do you have any idea how bad dog piss smells? Oh don't even get me started on its turds! They stick to his/her butt as if they're clinging for dear life. How do I get those off? I don't think the store will take it back with crap stuck to its ass.

Ugh, excuse my venting... Anyway, how do I get the dog to shut up? Maybe it'd be easier to just give it back. Can you recommend a better brand of dog? I want one that's cute, small, quiet, and potty trained, and as far away from a poodle as possible. Thanks! :-))))  

Answer
Yours is a classic case of why everybody that knows much about dogs says never buy one from a pet store.  Most of them are poorly bred and lack proper care before you buy them.  Making a decent dog out of them is much tougher than starting with a puppy from a good breeder.

Try holding you hand out in front the puppy's nose and sayng ''Ut, ut, ut!'' every time it whines.  

At say 7 weeks, a puppy may need to relieve itself every 15-20 minutes.  If you can't give it a chance, you would do better to leave it at home until it is a little older.  Puppies must be housebroken, and much of the information around on it is garbage.  

Much of housebreaking is not training the puppy, but making it easier for your
puppy, you, and your carpet while its body to catches up to its instincts.  At
around 8 weeks when the puppy goes to its new home, the time from when it
realizes it has to go, and when it can't wait any longer is a matter of
seconds.  Only time will fix that.  You can hardly be expected to be attentive
enough to avoid all accidents  There is no sense punishing the puppy for your
inattention.  It is not fair to punish you either, but you still have to clean
it up if you didn't have the puppy outside in time.

Housebreaking starts before you get home with the new puppy. If you don't have
a crate, buy one. I prefer the more enclosed, den like plastic ones. Skip the
bedding.  At first it gets wet, and later it can be chewed into choking
hazards.  A wire rack in the bottom will help keep the puppy up out of
accidents at first. They are available with the crates, but a piece of closely
spaced wire closet shelving from a home supply place is cheaper. If you
already have a metal crate, covering it may help. Just make sure you use
something the puppy can't pull in and chew. Dogs that start out in crates as
little puppies, accept them very well.  Never leave an unattended puppy loose
in the house.  If nobody can watch it, put it in the crate.  I suggest letting
the dog have its crate all its life.

Choose a command and spot you want it to use. The less accessible to strays,
the less chance of serious disease.   If it is a female, choosing a
non grassy spot will avoid brown spots later. When you bring it home, take it
to the spot and give it the command in a firm, but friendly voice. Keep
repeating the command and let the puppy sniff around. If it does anything,
praise it. Really let it know what a good dog it is and how much you love it,
and maybe a treat.  Note, being out there not only means you can praise it,
but it also keeps it from being snatched by a hawk. If it doesn't go, take it
inside and give it a drink and any meals scheduled. A young puppy will need to
go out immediately afterward. Go to the spot and follow the above routine.
Praising it if it goes is extremely important. If it doesn't go, take it back
inside and put it in its crate and try again soon. Do not let it loose in the
house until it does go.

At first it is your responsibility to know and take the puppy out when it
needs to go. It needs to go out the first thing in the morning, after eating,
drinking, and sleeping. If it quits playing, and starts running around
sniffing, it is looking for a place to go. Take it out quickly. You will just
have to be what I call puppy broke until it is a little older.

By the time most dogs are about 3 months old, they have figured out that if
they go to the door and stand, you will let them out. The praise slowly shifts
to going to the door. Some people hang a bell there for the dog to paw. If
your dog doesn't figure this out, try praising it and putting it out if it
even gets near the door. A stern "Bad dog!" is all the punishment that is
effective, and only when you catch it in the act and are sure you didn't miss
it going to the door. Clean up accidents promptly. I mostly keep the little
puppies out of the carpeted rooms. Still I need the can of carpet foam
sometimes.  First blot up all the urine you can with a dry towel.  Keep moving
it and stepping on it until a fresh area stays dry.  A couple big putty knives
work well on bowel movements.  Just slide one under it while holding it with
the other.  This gets it up with a minimum of pushing it down into the carpet.
This works with even relatively soft ones, vomit, dirt from over turned house
plants, or anything else from solids to thick liquids.  Finish up with a good
shot of carpet foam.  Note, do not let the puppy lick up the carpet foam.
Once the dog is reliably housebroken, your carpet may need a good steam cleaning.

Many people strongly strongly push cleaning up all evidence of past accidents.  I am slower to suggest that.  Dogs will return to the same spot if they can find it.  When you see one sniffing the spot, that is your clue to run it out.

You should be feeding a puppy chow now.  It doesn't need to be expensive.  The  moderate priced, concentrated ones such as Pro Plan, Iam's, or Eukanuba should be fine.  They produce a smaller, firmer stool that is easier to clean up.

Perhaps it might be best if the store would take it back.  Then you could start over again.  Get a book of dog breeds and go through it, or browse the breeds at www.akc.org.  Pick a few breeds that you find cute.  Then go to their rescue page.   One of the best sources for dogs with a predictable personality is the rescue dogs.  These are dogs that lost their home, but were taken into a foster home to be retrained as necessary and placed in the right home for them.   You may find a rescue near you starting at http://www.akc.org/breeds/rescue.cfm  The rescues charge a fee to help cover their expenses, but is much less than the price of a puppy plus all its medical expenses the first year.