Spooky

Question
QUESTION: We have a one year old female standard, that we got at 8 months old.  She came from a 200 acre farm with 11 other dogs, and the all had free reign to run and play. When we first got her she saw my wife first and evidently 'bonded' with her. This dog can't be bribed with treats, and we have tried everything. She does however like velveta, and if you beg her she will take it if you take it to her.

My problem is I think she's bi-polar. When she is with my wife she's a puppy that explores when walking, tail up in the air and fantastic bounce in her step. When on a long leash, she will jump playfully around and walk way in front and explore when with my wife, and when I walk her by myself, her head is down, and she walks as far behind me as the retractable lead will allow.
I have never seen her eat or play with her toys, and my wife has sent me videos on my phone showing that she does both.  When my kids come to visit, she sees their dogs and watches them play with toys, but wont play tug of war or even acknowladge a ball or squeeky toy.

Will she ever grow out of this?

When I work with her she is very attentive, and knows what I want her to do.  I am also the one who brushes her, and being that I office out of my home, am with her all day, even though she stays in a different room.

We have had some disiplinary issues, and have had some serious discussions, but it again, me doing the task, and not my wife. Does Diva need equal brushing, and diciplin from my wife to see what I do isn't one sided?

My parents raised 3 generations of poodles and I know they are very intlegent and it takes a while for them to come around, but even back then, they avoided me. Am I too much of an 'Alpha' that she's affraid?

Thanks in advance to any advice.

jk

ANSWER: Hello Jeff,
I assume that you and your wife are seperated.  If this was recent, this could compound the problem.  Your dog could be picking up on the tension between you and your wife (if there is anything between the two of you).  It could also be that you are probably more of a dominate natured man than your wife and Diva could be picking up on this.  Also, do you consider yourself a "Poodle" man?  If you don't really perfer the Poodle breed, your dog could be picking up these feelings also.  Even if you "act" like you like her, your feelings could betray how you really feel and your dog may be able to tell.  

There are things you can do to help with this, but first off you need to convince her that you are her friend and that you truly care about her.  
When you play with her (or at least attempt to play with her) get down on the floor where you aren't standing over her and try to interact with her on her level.  You won't seem as threatening when you are on the floor with her.  Show her the toy and toss it right by her.  If she shows interest in it, praise her and act excited about it.  You can even bounce around on your hands and knees, reach out and touch her with your hand (like another dog would with its paw), whine and bark at her like a puppy would and grab a toy and act like you are throwing or playing with it.  She might look at you like you are crazy at first, but after a bit, she might try and join you.  Praise her and give her a pet or two.  

Next, you can try the "Doggie Exam" exercise with her.  This helps her understand that you are dominate over her in a gentle way, it teaches her to trust you, and it helps build a relationship between the both of you.  
Start off with you sitting on the floor with your feet out in front of you and Diva laying in your lap on her back with her head toward your stomach.  When you first start, just rub her belly and try to get her to relax some.  (she might be nervous and may fight or lay stiff with her legs sticking straight out)
Talk to her in a gentle voice and just rub her belly until she relaxes some.  Once she relaxes, you can go ahead and let her up for this session.  After she gets more used to having her belly rubbed, you can start the exam part.  This just helps you get to know her body better.  Start with her head.  Look in her eyes, ears, and mouth.  Praise and pet her when she will lay still and let you look.  Next you can go over her body; you are looking for anything thats not normal.  Fleas, ticks, strange marks or injuries should be noted.  Lastly, go down her legs and feet.  You are feeling down the bones to familiarize yourself with the way they feel.  This way, if anything ever happens to her, you will know something is wrong and will be able to let your Vet know.  This also helps her get used to having her feet and toes messed with.  Touch inside her feet pads and toes, tap on the toenails and apply gentle pressure to her toes around the nails.  This is great when she visits the groomer to have her toenails trimmer and her feet shaved.
Do this every night when you are watching tv or just before bedtime.  Once this exercise is more familiar to you, you can do the exam part about once a week and just rub her belly and relax with her the other evenings.  
I do this with my boys very regularly and they love it.  When I sit on the floor, they almost fight to get in my lap first.  One dog will sit with his back to me and just fall back into my lap.  It is a true bonding expirence, and you may even see Diva start to look forward to these sessions.  

You might also think about getting her into an Obedience class.  Poodles do really good at Obedience and most really love it.  It gives her something to acomplish, shows her that you are dominate in a non-threatening way, gives you and her something to do together and may even help her to interact with other people and other dogs better.  Check with your local Pet Stores or Vets Office to see if there are trainers in your area, or if you have a PetSmart or PetCo in your area, check with them because most have training classes they offer.  

Give some or all these things a try and give her some time to adjust.  I have a feeling that she will eventually come around and will respond to you abit better.  Your wife can also do some of the above mentioned things, and also correct the dog, which will make Diva more rounded, but it shouldn't make much of a difference in the way she acts with you.  YOU have to be the one to change how she feels about you.  

Please feel free to let me know if you have other questions for me about this, or other questions in general about Poodles.  

Thanks for using AllExperts.com,
Kim

---------- FOLLOW-UP ----------

QUESTION: Thanks for the feedback,

My wife and I are are not separated or divorced, in fact we have been together since 76.

Addressing the Poodle person question, I was the one who wanted a Poodle. I had Afghans, and decided I wanted to go to the other end of the intelligence spectrum, and held out for a pure, rather than a cocktail poodle.

Most of what you recommended, I have been doing, and its just going to take time.  The frustrating thing is that it's like the movie "50 first dates" and we start over every day.  There is a slight bit of improvement, but it is baby baby steps. Deva is almost as bad about listening to my wife as she is with me.

Am I correct in saying that my wife should also do some of the grooming,(just brushing, I do the clipping)so that Deva doesn't think that it's a bad thing, thats done by me. She does kind of listen, sometimes, but even when I try to give her, her favorite treats (velveta cubes and / or salami strips) which are the only thing she will eat, and even sometimes won't even come for them.

I will continue to work with her, because I know she is still a puppy.  She just turned 1 year old and most people that I have talked to say she should be fine, it just will take several more months for her to "adjust to us" mature, and warm up.  

I have allowed her to have her own free time, as far as not needing to be with me or my wife at all times, and my sister who has a miniature poodle, said that her dog has a totally different relationship with her, then she has with her husband.

I know she does play, but not around me, or when I'm in sight, and only with herself, no fetch or tug of war yet. I just want her to be more puppyish and playful. She does try to play with the cat, but the cats not having any part of that.

Thanks again for your insight

Answer
Hello again Jeff,
Sorry for the assumptions that were wrong.  I can mostly get things right from what people write, but sometimes I am wrong.  

Do you know much about her background?  Did she interact with her owners alot or did she mainly play with the other dogs and not much with people.  If this is the case, she may just not have learned to play with people and doesn't really know how.  I have seen dogs that behave like this around people, and when you look into their history, you find that they didn't have alot of people expirence and just don't know how to act around people.  They eventually come out of it once they understand that they can act around people like they did around the other dogs in their life.  

Yes, I would have your wife do some of the grooming so that Deva sees that both of you can do this and that its not punishment.  Praise and pet her alot when grooming to reassure her that its something good and not something that she should be afraid of.  

Just try to be positive with her and encourage her, letting her know that it is ok to be herself around you and I do think she will come out of this eventually and start acting like a more normal Poodle.  

Thanks again for using AllExperts.com,
Kim