kitten affection

Question
My place of employment regularly traps and takes atray cats/kittens to the local humane league.  I found a kitten before it was trapped and took him home.  He was about 4 weeks old and is now close to 3 months.  My girlfriend took him to the vet the next day for shots and other stuff...not sure what though.  She is the one who regularly feeds him and cleans his litter box.  He treats us totally different.  He NEVER purrs for her yet purrs for me the instant I walk into the room.  He bites, scratches, and attacks her hands and feet almost constantly sometimes drawing blood.  He rarely attempts these behaviors with me and stops if I say NO.  In bed, he will jump at her face almost in a playful manner but sometimes hurts.  On the other hand with me in bed, he will purr for hours and rub his face, nose, and body against my face, neck, arms, and hands; if she tries to interupt this by petting him it will usually cause him to stop purring immediatly and jump from the bed.  My girlfriend is a cat lover and is starved for this affection from him.  I on the other hand am a cat liker who could take or leave the affection(sorry...ha).  Please give any information you can on this night and day behavior.  Thank you so much.

Answer
Doug,

That is normal behavior for a feral kitten! They have an inbred and inherited distrust of people. When they are semi-tamed they usually will only bond with one person, and that person will most often be the one who rescued them and provides it's food and care. They will remain skittish and scared of others. That probably won't change.

Ferals are not like domesticated house cats and will not act like one. Ferals also bite when they get mad, want attention, get frightened, or suddenly grabbed, etc. They can be very loving, follow you around, and sleep next to you but they DO NOT like to be held or petted for very long. When you can pet them, do it only briefly. They do not like it for very long. Watch their tails and ears. If their tails wag or ears go back stop NOW. They are quick to swat at you also until they completely are trusting of you. Do not come at them with your hand from the front to pet them, that can get you swatted. They swat first and think after. It's the self-preservation in them. Always pet from behind the head. Shoulder blades are a favorite pet spot for them. Do not stare at them directly in the eye, that is a threatening gesture.  You can look them in the eye only if you slowly blink your eyes at them, or look away. That is a sign of being a friend and not foe...a friendly gesture.

You need to be careful about the tone of your voice with them. NEVER yell at them...and NEVER hit them. They are VERY sensitive and it is VERY easy to undo any progress you have made. When that happens it is VERY difficult to gain their trust again if they lose it. Their trust of humans is fragile. Training them is easier though because of the voice control. They immediately know what you don't like and won't accept by the tone of your voice.

I have some feral "kittens" I have had since birth. Even at a year and a half old, if they hear strange noises, or see a person (even me until they hear my voice) they are gone! One runs under the bed and hides for an hour or more! They are VERY loving, but I still can't hold them for more than two minutes before they squirm away.

Don't have your girlfriend force trying to be friends with the kitten because that won't work. To get the kitten to trust her may take a  long time, if ever. Food is the key to taming. It also associates her with something pleasant. Treats like tuna, tinned sardines with oil, pieces of raw beef, etc. are favorites. Especially something they can easily grab and run with if necessary. The kittens may hesitate to eat in her presence at first, but have her be patient. She should put the food out then sit back quietly, speaking gently to him. Keep moving the food closer to her over a period of time until the food is right next to her and he trusts her enough to eat it. Then she can start touching briefly, being careful of making sudden moves.

Healthy ferals kittens are playful. They are also hunters and enjoy being able to do it. They will instinctively chase a string. Giving them a raw beef rib bone periodically as a treat (I have the butcher cut them in half) satisfies the "fresh kill' instinct, plus the fibers help clean their teeth. You should give them things to 'hunt' as they get older...like stuffed toy mice, little crafts balls that you can throw (ALL my feral kittens 'retrieve' when I throw them), or a pet laser light (from Petco, PetSmart, etc.) so they can chase the little red 'bug' on the ground. It is funny to watch them, it is a great interactive toy between you and the kittens because you can play with them without physical contact which will help them develop trust, and it helps you bond with them.

A suggestion would be to get another kitten about his age as a friend for him. A kitty needs a friend to play kitty games with, to cuddle with, to groom, be company when he is alone, and comfort him. He can learn about humans too from watching another kitten. 2 cats are easier to take care of than one because they can play with each other so you don't have to give them as much attention. It would help the kitten and make your girlfriend happy because then she could have her own kitten to love and cuddle.

Copy and paste, or type, this link into your address bar. It is a listing of LOTS of feral websites that have TONS of information about ferals:
http://www.theanimalspirit.com/feralcatlinks.doc

I hope this gives you some insight on how to work with feral kittens. There are SO very, very many feral kittens dying everyday scared, alone, sick, hurt, cold, and hungry...without ever having had enough (or any) food, never knowing any affections and attention, or a chance to catch their first mouse. The poor things never had, and never will, have a chance to know anything different. It's wonderful when caring people like you help them out. It's also wonderful what the feral organizations are doing to try to help this sad, on-going situation.

Tabbi