My rat died, I think I made a lot of wrong decisions.

Question
Hi Sandra,

My eldest rat died yesterday morning and I am so devastated, I have lost my best friend and in such a manner.  She was only one and half years old which makes it even worse, though it seems like she was with me for so much longer.

She was always a brave fearless curious rat, but for the past couple of months she frequently became quite scared when out of her cage, tending to run for cover a lot, she also nipped me a few times if I woke her up when she was sleeping in one of her houses.  Apart from those behavoural changes she seemed perfectly healthy.
About a month ago I found a lump by her hind left leg, but it was not bothering her or causing any visable symptoms so I assumed it was benign.  
She seemed in perfect health till the 9th June, when she was suddenly very lethargic, not interested in moving at all.  I waited to the next day to see if it was just temporary, but when she was the same, I gave her some of my other rat's baytril before I was able to take her to the vet the day after (11th June).  The vet placed her on the floor, and she was walking very weak, straining herself to move and circling weakly.  He gave her a dose of steroids (injected), antibiotics (baytril injection) and liquids (injected) as she was dehydrated.  I showed him the lump on her underside incase that was linked, but he ignored it (didn't say anything about it). He told me he suspected a brain lesion caused by bacteria and said that it was unlikely she would respond to treatment but prescribed me some baytril.

I took her home and gave her the dose as prescribed, but she was getting worse, over the next few days her eyes were constantly coated in porforin she eventually became unable to move, flailing around the cage, and unable to eat, it made me cry watching her futilely trying to eat sweetcorn, just putting them in her mouth and watching them later fall out unbitten.  
I began debating with myself whether I should take her to the vet on the 13th to demand she be put down, but in such a vulnerable state, she would be frightened being dragged from her home, waiting in a room full of dogs and cats, being thrust into the hands of a stranger who kills her with a needle.  I didn't know which would cause her greater suffering. I decided to keep her home with me and the other rats.

When she could no longer eat by herself I started feeding her water and yoghurt through a syringe.  There were no signs of weight loss.  By the 14th I could no longer feed her with a syringe, it just came falling back out and I didn't want her to choke.  Over that day I kept her next to me out of the cage, as I had a feeling she was going to die.  Her eyes didn't open that day though covered in porforin, I hoped she was unconcious and prayed she was not suffering.  She would occasionally move a leg suddenly as if to stratch herself but stratch air. She had started making noises when breathing, and later on at night had trouble breathing.  I wanted so much to with mercy stop her breathing and put her out of her misery but I couldn't.  I placed my thumb over her neck and pushed down for a few seconds, but as soon as she moved her leg as if to struggle I let go.  I couldn't do that. I decided that in the morning (Monday 15th) I would take her to the vet to ask to put her to sleep because if she was conscious and suffering in this choking I have failed in my duty to look after her.  She died next to me some time after I dosed off between 2am-6am when I woke and she was stone cold still unmoved in the groove in the blanket I put her in.

I feel so sick.  Did she suffer? Was she aware of what was happening? Could she have been saved? What should I have done?  I have three other rats, and I can not go through this again.  I feel like the worse person in the world.  I loved her so much, i miss her so much.

Answer
I am so sorry for your loss!  You must not blame yourself though, because you did all that you were able to do.  I think your Vet, however, needs a lesson in how to treat rats though. For starters, injecting baytril in a rat is a big fat no no, as this can cause a huge lesion in the injection site (I have an example on my critter city website) This occurs because the injection is subcutaneous and coagulates under the skin, causing a nasty ulceration. Also, your vet said she had a brain lesion.  I do believe he was off a bit there, too, but he tried. Give him an A for effort there.  It does sound like she could possibly have had a pituitary tumor on the base of her brain, (pretty big difference from a brain lesion) When they have Pituitary tumors, they lose the use of their front paws and cannot hold their food or grasp their food. Eventually, toward the end of life, the may not be able to chew or swallow. The become unsteady on their feet, may have head tilt, may walk in circles or spin and also have weakness in their hind legs.  Nothing could be done about this, sadly, but caring for her the best you can by hand feeding her baby foods and things she did not have to chew, just swallow, like you did by using a syringe.

Just to let you know though, when your little rats do need to be euthanized, it doesnt have to be that they are left alone with a stranger to put them to death via an injection.  One popular and humane method is to accompany the rat to the area where they use anesthesia and you can be there with the rat while the put the rat under anesthesia.  Usually the vet will sedate your rat and you can cuddle with her till she is super groggy. After that, the vet will put the rat under anesthesia to the point that they are in such a deep sleep, just like they are going to be operated on. Once they are in this deep of a sleep, they use a cardiac stick to stop the heart, but the rat is sound asleep, having no idea what is going on and the last thing she saw was your face and nothing else.  As devastating as it is, it doesnt have to be cold and inhumane and if you were made to ever feel this way, again, you need to find another place to take your rats.

As for the lump you found, it sounds like a mammary tumor, which are usually always benign as you had mentioned, and I do not think this had anything to do with what caused her death.  You asked if she could have been saved?  If she had what I strongly suspect she had, nothing could save her.  You did what a good rat owner would do, which is love and comfort her till she passed on.