I think my pigs hate me

Question
I bought two female guinea pigs from a pet shop about 2 months ago. Even though I bought them on a whim I read up on them quite extensively afterwards. I did leave them alone for about 3 days after buying them (as hard as that was for me) and I have spent a lot of time by their cage, but a lot of my books say that they should come up to the cage when they hear my voice, which they have never done. They have a huge C & C cage and they have floor time in my bedroom. They popcorn a lot and seem to be happy running around, but sometimes they chatter their teeth if they feel like I am about to pick them up- I have been bitten twice. I hand feed them pears, salad mixes, and etc, but I can't shake the feeling I still cause them so much stress.

They will eat out of my hand and crawl on me a little but they won't let me pet them at all.One book said I should start with chin scratches but they don't seem to like that either. If I put them in my lap they try to run away and I don't want to force them in my lap. I will try to pet them and feed them treats, but I feel like they just don't like it. I have one pig the squeals loudly about 85% of the time when I pick her up. She sounds like she is in just such great pain, but I am just lifting her from her belly to get her in/out of her cage.

How can I tame my guinea pigs so they see me as a source of fun and pleasure? My eventual goals would be that they are not afraid of me when I try to pick them up (for floor time and putting them back in the cage), I would like to have them comfortable in my lap for petting, and I would like to go as far as being able to harness them (I have seen this all over youtube) for when I am outside.

Answer
No honey, your pigs don't hate you. Remember that these are prey animals,meaning they are stalked by predators and eaten. They have a natural built in instinct to avoid being held or petted. Many pigs are this way. It's not your fault.

There are two distinct behaviors in all animals: Fight or flight. Guinea pigs are part of the flight group, just as horses, birds, ducks, cows, etc. Animals such a tigers and lions, wolves, etc. are fight animals. That means when they are cornered they will fight. The other group will run for safety when they feel they're in danger (that's flight).

If either of them is chattering their teeth at you that's a warning that they intend to bite. Use a washcloth and gently but firmly smack the offender on the head to get her attention. She may run for the corner when you do this, and that's fine. Sometimes they will continue to chatter and try to bite. Use that washcloth to keep the teeth off of you and let them know you intend to be the boss. You have to let them know (without hurting them) that this is unacceptable and you'll not tolerate it. Believe me they do learn.

It's sometimes a long process and some of them never settle down and act like they want to be held, until they're actually in your arms or lap. Again, that's just how their built in warning systems make them.

When you want to hold one of them just gently herd them into a corner. Reach from underneath to pick them up. Use a hand towel to  wrap them up in so that you can hold them close to you without them getting away. Once they are in your lap or arms they will settle down, especially if they're swaddled in a cloth.

In all the years I've had guinea pigs I've only had one or two that actually came over to me and allowed me to pick them up without a chase. So you're not alone and it has nothing to do with whether they like you or not. Animals act on instinct alone.

Don't give up and don't take their behavior personally. Use the towel wrapping trick so you have control of them. If you can, throw the towel over the top of one of them when you're ready to pick them up. Wrap them like a burrito. Then put either of them on your lap and enjoy them.

Good luck, please don't give up. They don't hate you, they're just acting on instinct.