Update on Grieving Ferret

Question
QUESTION: Hi Jacquie,
   I just read your article about how to help grieving ferrets, and realized I made some mistakes...

My little girl Tasha has been dying from cancer and on Saturday (3/31/07), when her condition became really bad, I finally had to put my little girl to sleep.  

My other Ferret Mo, has been around Tasha since he was under a year old and has been her cage mate for about 5 years.  He is right now very very sad as I think it just hit him today that she's not coming back, although he's been aware something is wrong for the last couple of days.

The mistakes I made was the next day, I thought it would be best to get him a new companion and now I realize it may have been to soon.  He's not really unaccepting of my new ferret Cookie, but he's not really accepting her either.  The other mistake was that I picked her out instead of taking Mo with me to find his new friend.

I just bought a new cage at my girlfriends house a few days before Tasha died so I could spend time with her and the ferrets, however, now that Tasha is gone.. I don't know if it's a good idea to bring him over my girlfriends (where the new ferret and her new puppy lives), however I am responsible for both the ferrets and to some degree the puppy too, since my girlfriend needs help caring for the puppy.

Do you think it's a bad idea for me to take Mo out of his environment right now to my girlfriends place?  Should I keep him away from the new little girl for a while?  And is there any more advice you can give me on how to handle this situation...

Thanks so much
-Matt
ANSWER: Hi Matt:

I'm SO sorry to hear about little Tasha.  No doubt Mo is mourning her terribly. It's good that you recognize it and are willing to try to get him thru this time. Please be aware that *some* ferrets actually DO die when mourning their cagemates, so you are going to need to pay some extra attention to him until he has time to adjust to the changes.

First off - he needs as FEW changes right now as you can give him, except to give him extra attention and short, daily playtimes with the new ferret.  Please don't take MO to the new girlfriend's house (unless that's where you are staying; i.e. don't leave him alone all day and all evening - he really NEEDS YOU NOW. IF you are in the process of moving into your girlfriend's house, DO take him with you....just pay LOTS of attention to him - better in a strange place and WITH YOU than without you, alone at home. You may want to hold him much more than usual, talk to him; use Tasha's name, he will know that you recognize that she is gone. Say things to him like "Tasha was a very good girl and she went to the Rainbow Bridge, where she is all well now! Someday we will all be with her and then you can give kisses to Tasha and let her know that you missed her and love her because she's a good girl and Mo is a good boy too!" :-) (into happy face mode now)  "Mo is daddy's big,strong boy! Mo and daddy MISS Tasha, but we will be okay - daddy and Mo will PLAY, and go for WALKS and get TREATS, and....."  that type of positive talk,using her name in serious sentences,but then going directly into a tone of voice and words that give him hope for the future,assure him that the things you used to do, you will still do! Make the Rainbow Bridge a happy place - describe it to him in a calm, serious, but hopeful tone of voice. Your tone of voice while  talking with him will help him work thru his grieving process.  And he will need this same type of reinforcement talking for days or weeks.....as  long as it takes until he is back to himself again. Most likely in the beginning, he will listen closely when you are talking to him, using Tasha's name,etc. because he wants to KNOW what happened - where she is; is she okay.  He may need to hear it over and over for days, weeks, maybe a month before he's back to himself. Everyone is different in their grieving and ferrets grieve just as we do.  They go thru various stages and eventually they either give up, stop eating and drinking so they can die and not have to deal with it; or they work thru it, accept it and go on with life.

Introducing the new little girl for short times will help take Mo's mind off Tasha. It won't matter if they are snuggling, playing, or even wrestling (he may be very aggressive and bite the back of her neck, push her flat to the floor to tell her that HE is the ALPHA in this cage!  Allow him to do that. He does have seniority :-)  IF you see poop fly, or blood, separate them, but mostly the best way is to let THEM work it out. They have 'ferrety' ways to work it out and it may include her screaming, him being very rough, etc - but just remember:  "No Poop, No Blood, No Foul".  When they start playing together (probably as soon as he is sure she realizes he's the boss), then you can leave the cage door open and let her get in and have a look around in his cage, let him look around in hers, etc. Hopefully you will use the OLD cage, at least for a month or two.  Too many changes will just keep Mo upset, so it's really important that he remain on the routine he has been on before Tasha passed away. The only thing that should change is that you spend more time with him. If you are going to your girlfriend's house, hopefully you have a 'ferret frontside pack' to carry him right along with you and keep talking to him, reassuring him he's going on an adventure. Don't forget to take a baggie of food, a little container of water and one of HIS litterboxes in case he needs it if.  That way he sees YOU as his companion, as long as you are dragging him around with you and keep talking to him.

The other thing you are going to need to do is watch his eating habits.  Now would be an excellent time to introduce him to a food "treat" supplement.  I highly recommend Hill's A/D (you get it from the vet's office), which is basically kind of like chicken baby food (which you CAN use if you would rather). Be sure to refrigerate either of them when not in use. **ALSO: Remember that ferrets are obligate carnivores, so please don't give treats that are not meat and NO dehydrated fruits/vegs or meats. NO SUGAR is most important. He is stressed right now and sugar is the last thing a ferret needs, but especially a stressed one.

Scoop out a tablespoon or so of the A/D (it's very thick), put it in the microwave for maybe 15 seconds or so, then add a little water to make it the thickness of a medium thick gravy (it should NOT make peaks when you pull your finger out of it; if it does, its too thick). Make sure it's nice and warm and dip your finger into it,then put your finger under Mo's side lip so he gets a taste of it. He may just sit and think a minute, deciding whether he likes it or not, or he may even shake his head,gag, and spit it out. LOL  Either way, give it another few tries. If he continues to gag, we'll have to eventually try something he may like better (from the pet store: Uncle Jim's Original Duk Soup from Marshall Farms - it's a powdered chicken/liver mix with NO FILLERS, so it's excellent for them, but you have to warm it HOT in the microwave, then let it cool so that it reconstitutes and it will thicken a LOT, so be ready to add plenty of water as it thickens; then repeat the same process of dipping your finger into it, then under his gum. Likely he will start licking it of your finger, then eventually out of the little bowl (I use a little custard cup for my kids) I haven't seen a ferret yet who doesn't LOVE Uncle Jim's.  Either that OR the A/D or some babyfood (usually the least liked)- meat only - would be good choices.

Feeding this 'soup' at least once a day (if he's eating his regular kibble normally) will help bond the two of you and give him something special to look forward to each day.  It also ensures you that he IS getting good nutrition and eating enough each day.  IF he stops eating, increase until you are feeding him as much as he will eat FOUR times a day.  I keep a paper towel handy and wipe their mouths and faces all over (a LOT) right after they eat - it's like a maternal grooming ritual and they do love it....and it's good for them to feel the "love" that someone grooming them gives to them.

Hope all that makes sense.  In short

- no real changes within a month except short visits with the new kid - or she can stay IN HIS CAGE WITH HIM if they begin playing after establishing who is the boss;

- immediately start the duck soup at least once a day or more depending on if he's eating and how much he's eating.

- spend LOTS more quality time with him one-on-one, lots of talking and reassuring, holding him very close and rubbing his head, ears, back, tummy(if he likes it). Keep him with you as much as possible....but make it GOOD QUALITY TIME.

- NO puppy for a while.  At LEAST 30 days....or more.  Mo has all he can handle right now and he needs all the 'known' people and things in his life left just as they are.....no new people, new cage, places, etc unless he's experiencing it while in YOUR arms being comforted. A puppy just would MAKE you pay attention to it; puppies are like that :-)    Right now, Mo is #1 and needs to stay in that position for a while.

I will you and Mo in my thoughts and prayers. He will no doubt have a difficult time. But you now know the things to look for and what to do about them (depression = spend time with him; stopping eating= feed the soup; emotional health = keep everything as much THE SAME as possible.

Best of luck - please update me, or don't hesitate to write again if you have other problems with him. SOO many things *can* happen to them after their cagemate dies. Just stay observant and let me know of ANY changes whatsoever in his habits, eating, peeing, pooping, playing, etc.

I truly hope these suggestions help Mo thru this very difficult time.

Sincerely,

Jacquie Rodgers

---------- FOLLOW-UP ----------

QUESTION: Hi Jacquie,
  I just wanted to update you on Mo's condition... your advise has been incredible and I'm happy to say that he is starting to get back to his old happy self and is even starting to take to the new baby ferret...
   He is still not eating the Duk Soup and remains a finicky eater... but he is eating well.  Thank you again for all your great advice and genuine concern

Answer
Hi Matt:

I'm so happy to hear that Mo is beginning to acccept his little sister.  

It's pretty important that you continue to try to get him (and Cookie) to eat the Duk Soup (either the A/D or Uncle Jims) because that's what you would immediately need to start feeding them if they get sick (and all ferrets do - even a cold or flu and the difference between eating and not eating this soup could mean the difference between life and death).

I would suspect that if anything, you are *possibly* EITHER making the soup too thick OR not warm enough......those are the two mistakes people usually make. Also,  make up a little bit every night and continue to dip your finger into the soup, then under the side of their lip so they HAVE to taste it.  It's usually not more than a few tries until they take to it.  Then, you just need to give it every couple weeks or so so they remember that it is a *good* thing and you will really be happy you took the time to get them used to it someday, I promise.

Thanks so much for updating me!  It sounds like things are going to work out just fine - hope the soup eating comes along better too - it's very important and it will really serve as a good 'bonding' time for the two of them to share a little plate of it.  My kids get a bowl of it every night at bedtime - I just think it's good for them to have the bonding time and also good for them to sleep with nice belly full of warm soup.  :-)

Sincerely,
Jacquie Rodgers