Behavior problems after a death

Question
I hope you can help...
My wife and I had 4 Abyssinians...An 11 yr old Red female/a 6 yr old Rudy female/a 6 yr old Red male/a 5 yr old Rudy male...
The 11 yr old got cancer and 2 wks ago we had her put to sleep...This is where the trouble begins...
They all got along fairly well before the death...The girls kept their distance from the boys...The boys are buds who play/lick/bite/wrestle with each other but are real buds...
The Rudy male has been bothering the Rudy female to no end...He goes up to her and meows at her/she hiss'/the tails flair and all hell breaks loose...The Red male then follows suit#after his brother starts# and mayhem issues...It has also scared the female to the point that she stays in our bedroom/hides and will not go out to eat/use liter box/roam around...Let me tell you we live in a house/3 floors...There are the 3 bdrms upstairs/LR/Den/Dining rm/kitchen on ground floor and a finished basement...We have 2 liter boxes in the house...One on ground floor#in a half bath rm# and one in the basement...Both giant size...Their eating schedule is when my wife and I get ready for work they get a 5.5 oz can of wet on 3 plates in the kitchen/same when we eat diner...There is a bowl of dry left out in the kitchen...There is a water fountain next to the dry in the kitchen and another water bowl upstairs in our full bath rm...Thats the layout/dynamics of our place...
So getting back to the prob...The male Rudy's apparent "hierarchy" probs with the Rudy female which also drags in the Red male...
She is just so scared to leave our bedroom which was always a place she hung out allot in...She will not go down those stairs to the food or liter which when the Female Red was alive she had no prob with...
She has had toilet accidents in our room...We now have the Rudy male locked in our basement and she is still scared...
I know I am rambling but my wife and I are at our wits end and the stress level at the house is through the roof...
Can you please offer us some advise or point us in the right direction on the web...
I am available to answer any follow up questions you may have...
Thank you for your time in this matter and I look forward to your reply...
My wife and I just want things to go back to what they were which was good 99% of the time...
Thanks again,
Paul Rich
NY/USA

Answer
Paul,

The problem is that when one cat in a cat colony dies, the pecking order has got to be re-established.  All the rules change while the cats sort out the new pecking orders in the new situation.  Unfortunately, there are never guarantees that all will continue as before.  We do not understand the rules and most things we try do to keep the peace are counterproductive and tend to make things worse.  Periodically, one cat falls so far down in the new pecking order that things just go very badly. Also, a couple of weeks is a fairly short time in how long it may take cats to adjust to new situations, so there is always a chance that in a couple of months things may settle down.

I am afraid, there is not much you can do.  Is there a possibility you can leave a litter pan in your bedroom and, at least, resolve the toilet problems? Locking up the one male will not help since the ruddy female does not know he is locked up and is wary of him coming out of nowhere. I suppose you can talk to your vet about putting the whole lot on something to calm things down and see if behaviors improve.  This would be a short term fix in the hope things may go back to some kind of normality (although I doubt it).

You may try Feliway diffusers where the litter pans are to see if that may stop the aggressive behavior so the ruddy girl can get access to the litter pan, if she is willing to try.

You cannot force any of the issues, and it might just be best that the ruddy girl will do better in a home with no other cats?

There is a behavior modification technique called "clicker training" that might be helpful. (See Karen Pryor's web site www.clickertraining.com)

I am not sure how else to advise you except to point out that cats do not think like we do, and we should not try to overlay human motives and emotions on things cats do.

I wish I good be more help.

Best regards... NOrm.