Cat/Kitten not getting along

Question
Hello Kate,
I am actually an expert on here also, (in Poodles) and I love this site.  Thanks for taking your time to read and answer my question.

I have had my older cat, Penelope, for about 6 yrs now and she has always been a great cat.  She typically gets along with my Std Poodles and I also have a grooming shop in my home and she puts up with the other dogs that come into the house.  She will hiss and ignore any cats that come into the house, but its usually a hiss that says "this is my house and don't try anything buddy..."  She is an indoor/outdoor cat and can come and go as she pleases.  
In July, a friend brought me a 4 1/2 week old male kitten and I just couldn't refuse.  He was handsome and I was planning on getting a new kitten anyway.  At the beginning of the year, I lost a beloved outdoor cat named Night-Man that I believe was killed by coyotes (probably due to the harsh winter).  Penelope got along great with Night because when we found him he was young (maybe 5 weeks old) and we put him with Penelope because she had had a litter of kittens at the time and we thought she would take care of him also.  There was a bit of hissing at first, but after a couple of days she accepted him and even let him suckle her.  
Once her kittens were sold, we got both her and Night fixed and they got along perfectly.  
THIS IS NOT SO WITH MY NEW KITTEN, GHOST!
Penelope will hiss when I bring her in the house (she won't come in on her own) and she sits by the door casting evil stares at Ghost.  She will stand her ground and growl at him if he comes over to sniff or say "Hi" to her and sometimes will even take a swipe at him.  You can tell that he really wants to be friends with her, but she wants noting to do with him.  Now, I have seen Penelope just lay on the porch when the neighbor cats come around, and there was even a few evenings back in April when a couple young male brothers came over to investigate and she did nothing (unless they got really close to her, then she would hiss and move to the other end of the porch).
So I though that when I got Ghost that she would throw a bit of a fit, but then be over it and the two of them would be friends.  Yeah, thats not happening nor does it look like it will even happen.  I had her in the house one time, and left the two of them together while I went next door to my sisters house and when I got back, Penelope had went into the kitten room (that used to be Penelope's room, where her cat box was) and Poo'ed all over the room.  It was like a s--t bomb went off in there.  I know it was a jealousy thing, but this was almost like furry vengence.  Then she spilled Ghosts food and spread it all over the floor.  
I continue to bring Penelope inside and Ghost keeps going up to her in an attempt to be friends, but Penelope will have Less than Nothing to do with him.  I was hoping they would be friends so that after I get Ghost neutered (planning on doing that within the next couple of weeks) he can become an indoor/outdoor cat also and can learn things from Penelope.  
Ghost plays with and is best friends with my Miniature Poodle, Frosty.  They have been around each other since I took Ghost in and he has no fear of my dogs or even of other cats that come in for grooming.  Do you think that Penelope could be jealous of Ghost's relationship with Frosty (the Poodle) or is this something else.

Do you think Penelope will ever learn to accept or become friends with Ghost?  Will Neutering Ghost help the situation?  How long do you think it could take?  Have you even had expirences where one cat never befriends the other cat?

Thanks again for your time and your answer.  
Kim, Penelope and Ghost.  "  

Answer
Hi
Oh dear, everything you have said is completely normal cat behavior I'm afraid.

Cats are not naturally pack animals like dogs and so do not naturally get along with other cats unless they have been brought up together from birth. Also just like us humans we like some people and not others and this is also true for cats. Some cats they will ignore whereas others they will hate. So yes there are some cats who never get along but what normally happens is that the two cats will learn to just give each bother a wide berth and just co exist with the occasional spat.

in your case though you have a un neutered male cat on her territory and so this will definitely be an issue for your cat. Cats don't get jealous that a human emotion, instead they are purely driven by scent and instinct and this instance there is another cat on her territory and she is not happy about this. the pooing every where is called Middening and is a method a cat uses to warn off other cats and to also stamp her scent on the area. See my page about this here

/cat-poo.html

My advice would be to try and keep them separated as much as possible until he is neutered and then to carry out a period of safe introduction for awhile to help them get used to each other without the fear of attack. Please see this page for more on this method

/introducing-cats.html

Lets hope that they will eventually learn to rub along with each other even if they never become true friends.

best wishes Kate