Serious Seperation Anxiety

Question
I sincerely hope you can help, I'm truly at my wits end. I have had my horses for around 8 months. I am a first time horse owner, but have been around horses in the past. I now have two horses...one 10 yr old quarter horse mare, and a 7 year old Arabian/Quarter cross gelding. They have adjoining stalls, with a half wall, and share a field. They have free choice to come and go out of their stalls at any time. Here is my problem: I cannot take one horse out of the field to ride without causing the biggest ruckus you've ever seen. They cannot stand to be separated. The scream for each other and of course get so excitable that they are nearly impossible to ride. The mare, being the bigger of the two horses, unfortunately knows how big she is and tries to be pushy enough to get back to him and vice versa. The gelding is for my 11 year old, but when we separate the two, he is much to worked up to let her ride, because she is learning. I've ridden, and am a decent rider, but I'm not sure that I am good enough to control them to force them thru this. Both are very calm and docile horses any other time. Riding them together is not always an option. I love my horses very much, and it would crush me to part with either, so I really need some insight on how to fix this problem or I'm afraid I'll have no alternative. No one I've talked to has experienced this problem with their horses, so I have no reference as to how to even start fixing this. I really want to start riding and so does my daughter. Please help.

Answer
Hi Andrea!

I understand everything you said and while it seems an insurmountable situation, there is hope.....you can work towards a solution.  I can't guarantee a perfect resolution but, you can do your best.

Time + Training + Patience = Good Horses.  This equation works for just about any issue a horse is having.  You cannot solve this with force or beatings.  You must be dead clever about it and work through it.  Oh, of course there will be bad days and you'll want to just give up...but, keep on going because they're young horses and can be trained out of their separation anxiety.

First, I recommend getting a professional trainer out to your place and have them evaluate your situation.  You could use a fresh pair of eyes and allot of advice.  Speak to your vet, farrier or tack shop about recommending a local trainer who works with difficult behaviors.

Second, you need to be smart and safe at all times.  Being between 2 horses trying to get back to each other is a bad place.

I'm going to give you a brief overview of a training session with them.  Forget riding for awhile.  That is secondary to everything and will come easy when the primary issue is resolved....peaceful separation.  So, have a plan!  ALWAYS!!  Horses that are not being led...being funneled to a goal, will lose interest quickly and start making their own decisions.  So you must be the Boss Mare 100% of the time and walk in knowing exactly what your goal is for that session.

So what is the plan?  Start small and simple, something you know each one can do with little fuss and be successful...because you want to work with Positive Reinforcement at all times.  I do not know where you live but, Spring is right around the corner and that will help to facilitate your training and separating of the 2.  

Start with little things, walk one horse a few feet from the other and stop the horse BEFORE you feel his anxiety rise BEFORE he will act out with a nicker or stopping on his own.  10 feet today?  Fine...give him a treat and take him home.  Yes, that's it.  You need to take your time and build a solid foundation of trust that he can fall back on when he is stressed.  Ask for 12 feet tomorrow...and so on and so on till they are 100 feet apart.  You act nonchalant and as if this is not big deal and so will the horses.

Consistently add little structured things to their daily lives that separate them.  Feed them together?  Start to move everything apart for them.  Always stand here for grooming?  Move 5 feet farther down the barn and when you get calm obedience, reward with treats and verbal praise.  Sneaky, sneaky....that's what you want to be.  

Lastly, do not underestimate formal riding lessons for your daughter and yourself during the summer.  It will give you both a better seat, more confidence and then, if the situation needs a firm and guiding hand you will both be better prepared for it.

Use your head and I just bet by this Fall you will be riding them separately just fine.  What is the cost of one summer of riding to gain 20 more calm and happy summers?

Good luck and remember to always wear an ASTM/SEI approved helmet!

Solange