LOTS of behavior problems

Question
QUESTION: I bought an approx. 12 year old TW/QH gelding and he was underweight, but a good horse. I took him on the trails with my daughter and I on him, and he was wonderful. He was not pitifully thin, just needed some more weight on him, especially with winter coming. He was stabled at first alone, then turned out all day with other horses, and became bottom of the pecking order, never was at the hay when I went, and no grass left in the pasture (hot dry summer, just weeds left) so I put him on a high protein feed mixed with a high fat feed. He put on weight and turned into a rocket to ride. Took off on the trails with me, no stopping him, cactus sticking in his legs and all. Only stopped on a dime when he encountered a very deep ditch and couln't cross it. I hopped off grateful to only be banged and scratched by branches. I cut him off the high octane fuel and put him on a 10% grain, but extra hay. He hated the group pasture set up, so I moved him to a run with horses either side of him. Even with a change in feed months ago, his problems have gotten worse. He won't stay at a walk when I am riding him at all. Asking him to stand still results in hard strikes to the ground with his front hooves. Upgrading from an easy snaffle to a bit he had to listen to resulted in slight raring and taking off. One rein stop only makes him spin in circles. He doesn't get it and ever stop. Just gets mad at being asked to spin forever. Any movement at all in saddle is a cue for him to go. He doesn't bend to a rein with no leg cues, he takes off in that direction. Once he gets moving ( even in the arena) he doesn't stop til he is at the door ( I don't ride him in the arena with the door open, he would just leave. He takes off at a run and comes to a dead stop in front of the door. Same thing if I turn him away from the door and start around again. He refuses to even walk the barrel pattern, just for some variety in there, any turn around a barrel heads him towards the door and he takes off for it. And this horse never gets tired. He can be dripping sweat and lather and still won't stand still when asked. He shakes his head and starts to walk off, slight pull on the reins starts him striking the ground.
    He started off scared of the tractor and the golf cart where I had him boarded, now he seems to spook at a lot of things. He is so calm on the ground though, getting groomed. But you get on him and his head flies up, and he is a bundle of nerves, getting worse as time goes by. He was a bit barn sour, now I can't take him out that far from his home anyway, I would be found dead roadside. But I can walk up to him, groom him, pet him, he follows me around, peers after me when I leave him.
    He did strike the vet with his front hoof, but the vet was putting a tube down his nose. He did try to strike me when giving him meds, so now I do it with a fence between us, or at the least cross tied with a pole between us. Seems when he is not happy he strikes with his hoof. Tied alone, made to stand under saddle. I have had horses who didn't like to mind, but he is getting worse and worse. I have tried training videos, and he will bend to the lead when I am not mounted, but won't bend to a stop when I am on him.
Is he a lost cause? I don't know much of his background, got him from a dealer who got him from a dealer, who got him from the man on his coggins, who said he had "a gait that was faster than anything you have seen and he doesn't like to cross water". I didn't find much out that way. He does seem to respond better to men ( there is just my daughter and I, and she doesn't like to even get on him anymore, and I don't feel safe with her up there anymore. Gone are our trail rides). What do you suggest? I am having trouble selling him to a more experienced rider, I have ads posted, stating plainly he is spirited and needs an experienced rider. Looks like he might be mine for keeps.
Thanks
ANSWER: Hi Cindy!

After carefully reading your explanation of the course of owning this horse, I feel it is safe to say....You are in over your head.  

He is a strong horse in the prime of his abilities and appears to have large gaps in his training coupled with a complete misunderstanding of humans that manifests itself in fear and flight response when he is under saddle.

Can you fix this?  You, specifically?  I don't think so.  No video or book is going to keep you from getting hurt while trying to train him.  He needs to be taken to a trainer who has seen this before in a horse and knows how to tear him down and re-build him correctly.  AND then make the training stick this time.

Many people get waaaay more horse than they bargained for. You are not the first and you will not be the last.  My advice is to not sell him to another person who "thinks" they can handle him.  He will hurt someone and end up someplace not very nice.  Give him free and clear to a trainer you have trust in and let them fix him.  Let them give him a chance at a new life that can be productive and allow him to feel safe in the boundaries of his new training through trust and understanding.

Of course he can just be a big pasture pet/buddy and mow the lawn for the rest of his years.  He probably wouldn't mind that too much....if you don't mind caring for him :-)

As for you, if you choose to buy another horse, buy one that is much older and has done what you want to do on him for many years.  While you are looking, take formal riding lessons and make yourself a better rider.  One who can better judge what kind of horse you want and then make sure you have all the capabilities to handle him.

This gelding has been passed around enough and needs someone to put his best interests forward and give him a real chance at a life with humans.  We messed him up, now we have to make it right.

Good luck and remember to always wear an ASTM/SEI approved helmet!

Solange

---------- FOLLOW-UP ----------

QUESTION: I don't know a trainer personally. But you are saying to find one with a good reputation and just say "here, have him"? Would one do that? I don't want to see him head off to slaughter ( he was sold at an auction, so he lucked out at least once). He is very loving on the ground, doesn't deserve to be put to sleep either. But a trainer would just take him for me? Any ideas? I am in Texas. No clue where to start with that. If any readers know a true trainer, not some meat dealer, I would love to know. I love this horse very much.
Thanks Solange for the view. I tried training videos, and they failed. I failed.  

Answer
Hi Cindy!

Thank you very much for your kind words :-)

Please ask you vet and farrier for personal recommendations of a trainer they know who might be interested in taking on you hard case and helping him turn around.  Also, the owner of your local tack shop may know someone.  I would not put an ad in the paper or hang one up around town because you will get all kinds of crazies!

I have taken in many "dangerous" horses over the years and all came to me from personal references from vets, blacksmiths and others who have worked with me.  

Before giving him up, you have every right to visit the farm he will go to, ask tons of questions and make sure this is the last and best stop on his road to recovery.

I know this is hard and you DID NOT fail, Cindy.  Not him or yourself.  Why, if someone shoved me into a court of law and shouted "Quick! Be a lawyer!!"  I could not do it.  The same thing happened to you.  Chance shoved you into an arena with an incomplete horse and shouted "Quick! Be an advanced professional horse trainer!!"  Yikes!

You are doing the correct and safe thing for both of you by finding him a more appropriate home.

I wish the both of you the best,
Solange