Over a month into the merge and now one of them is peeing on the bed...

Question
Let me start by saying I am 34 weeks pregnant and this situation has forced me to tears this week...

We merged my husbands 1 year old fixed female with my 12 year old fixed male and 8 year old fixed female 6 weeks ago in my apt.    My male and his female just aren't bonding as expected.  My male started out for weeks just trying to smell her and go up to her but she always hissed which set the stage for where they are at now...they hiss and scream at eachother & now he chases her around & won't let her be.  

My male has always gotten along with other cats & dogs and is a very young 12.  His female has been jealous of me from the beginning and is not very friendly in general.  

We ended up setting her food and litter in the bedroom because she was so scared and always hiding under the bed the first few days.  Mine eat out in the dining room and their little box had been moved 8 months ago from the bedroom when I found out I was pregnant.  There were never any issues from moving it.  Mine have moved homes several times over the years, lived with dogs here and there and have had their little boxes moved all over in the past.  

We are moving into our new house this week and over the past week, someone has started peeing in the bed when we are not home in the apt. (3 times in a week)  I can't be 100% sure, but I suspect it is her & it is out of spite because she is angry when we leave the house.  

Who is most likely the culprit and will moving into a new house with no previous pets put all 3 on equal grounds?  Or are we doomed at this point?

Is that spray and diffuser safe for babies & pregnancy?

Please help us end this war!

Answer
HI Steph,

It sounds like you *are* living in the middle of a war zone and I feel for you!  First I think the feliway would help but I am really not sure if it is safe for pregnancy, although I don't think there are any warnings on the box, I would still be leery and would probably steer clear of it.  What I would recommend for the two females is some back flower remedies, this way they are getting them directly and it will not effect you or the baby.  The general one is called 'Rescue Remedy'

Peeing on the bed is frustrating at the best of times, I can't imagine what it must be like for you.  I can not say for sure who is doing it but I would suspect it is the 1yr old female, and I don't think it is out of spite but more that she is stressed.  First she has lived he whole life, albeit short one, as an only cat, she is not used to other cats.  In general they are solitary creatures and it is only us humans who have forced them to live together, the fact that she has never done it before is likely quite hard on her, not to mention the male that is chasing her relentlessly, and it sounds as though she is a fairly nervous girl to begin with.  Going outside the box can be done out of anger, but in the case I believe it is out of stress.  She needs to have her own box that the other two cats do no have access to, litter box time is when a cat is at their most vulnerable, if your male is bothering her while she is in the box she will avoid using it and look for someplace else to go.  To get her using the box again try using Dr Elsie's Cat attract litter.

The other thing you need to do is get the male to stop chasing, always have a water bottle handy, when he chases you need to squirt him to make him stop. Cats aren't stupid, it won't take him long to learn, although he may be stubborn and continue but you need to be just as stubborn.

Lastly, you need to separate these guys for her and for your own peace of mind. I'm not a Dr but as far as I know you are OK provided you don't clean the litter box, having it in the same room as you sleep shouldn't be a health risk, but ask your Dr to be sure.  I would keep her in the room with you, it may take months and unfortunately with the move coming up as well as the new baby she is likely to get more stressed before it gets better but it WILL get better.  The best thing you can do for her is to give her time, lots of quiet, reassuring cuddles and a safe place away from the other cats.  In time once she seems to have calmed down you can start letting her out for supervised visits and increase from there.  Sorry there isn't a quick fix here but this is the only way I have successfully integrated nervous cats.

Good Luck,

Natoma