Stress and the young horse

Question
Thank you for your response re: 4yr old Saddlebred alone for the first time. The only area I need clarification on is how far can I push him. What is healthy amounts of stress and what is anxious stress that could lead to health problems.

Answer
Hi Cathy!

How many days has it been?  Are you seeing any improvement?  Is he looking you up?  Ray Hunt tells us, you can't teach feel.  I wish he could, I wish I could!

This is something you will have to "feel" your way through.  When riding with Ray, he will always ask "How does your horse feel about that?"  This is the question I want you to be asking...how does your horse feel.  You will be giving him something to do that is attentive to not only his body but his mind and his feelings.  You will be trying to offer comfort not in a human way but in a way that is meaningful to the horse.  The two of you will have to find it.  The exercises I gave you to do with your horse will help him but you will have to find that extra special something that will make the big change for him.  

All I can do is offer you what I have learned in how to comfort a troubled horse in a language that is meaningful.  Ray told me once that you have to give something you never gave,  to get something you never had.  He wrote it down for me.  I live with that little saying next to my heart every day.  I can tell you that what you are searching for is very different, depending on the horse.  My mare Lilly is very different from the rest of my horses.  I rode her with Ray.  His words to me about her were straightforward and simple...he said she is my learning horse.  She is with me to teach me so much and he is right.  It took me years so get through to her, and I'm still working on it.  I did to much with her.  Comfort for her was just standing next to me, quietly, no petting or touching, no fuss, just quiet.  It took me SO long to learn that lesson.  My gelding, Jet LOVES food.  When he is really upset a bite of alfalfa and a good scratching is what he needs.  It just settles him.  I also had to learn when to firm up for the benefit of my horses.  This has been my most difficult lesson.  For the longest time I would bribe, feed, pet, baby them through a difficult situation only to find out that I never really did offer the kind of comfort the HORSE was looking for.  I finally really watched how my own little herd behaved and my old mare showed me the way.  Tess is a grouch.  She will kick first and ask questions later, but guess what...everyone looks her up.  They will follow her no matter what.  She will bite the $&*@ out of everyone (except Jet, her son) and they all fall right in line.  With Lilly, I had to find that razors edge between too much and not enough...it always go back to control of the feet and feel.  With Jet, my spoiled little mama's boy, I had to really firm up and not wait until I was mad to do it.  I had to act like I "knew" even when I really didn't.  I had to get business like with him and become a leader and teacher and not a herd-mate and buddy.  Teaching horses is a lot like being a parent.  At points in the relationship you can't be a friend and pal, you have to be a teacher, leader, and boss.  

At this point, I not sure how much is too much for your gelding.  Become a leader with a plan is about the best I can offer you.  Try and find a way to offer him comfort by having a secure plan.  Never make him stand still.  He needs to move his feet to feel safe.  Show him how to yield his hindquarters, this alone brings relaxation and comfort.  Get your hands on him and rub him like his mother would do for a foal.  He may be so bothered that you will have to yield his hinds and keep rubbing all at the same time.  Talk to him.  I know how bothered you are as well.  Anyone with a heart is troubled to see another creature, especially a horse in such a difficult place.  I know how it must hurt you.  I wish there were more I could offer.  I'm racking by brains.

Know that these next few days will be the most difficult, but hold on.  These troubling times do have an end.  Think of it this way, you have just had to wean him all over again. So, when you are trying to comfort him and get him thinking, it may take hours to get his mind to change.  Be prepared to stay with him for as long as it takes to get a good change.  

I know that taking off all alone with just one of my horses is the most fun I've ever had.  It really cements the bond we have and each of my horses really looks forward to our "alone" time.  Tess and I had many happy days alone riding in the forest galloping from apple tree to apple tree.  Jet likes time alone to get the scratches he loves without having to compete with everyone else.  Chip looks for the trailer and another big adventure.  Time alone for him means grooming, a long warm bath and cookies!  

I have kept just a single horse.  It will work out fine.  The relationship you can develop will be one of the most special.  Please keep me posted.  Let me know how you are both doing as you feel your way through this.

Smiles, and a big hug too!  Denise