Cat Intergration

Question
Ok, this is kind of a long story leading up to the question so please me patient.  I have a 9 year old Siamese Female, fixed and all up to date with shots.  I had my brother take care of her while I was away at boot camp for a year and a half and then got her back when I moved in with my boyfriend into his apartment back in June.  Everything was going well until Christmas when my boyfriend and I went to his parents and brought his two 8 year old male, fixed and at the time as far as we knew healthy, cats back.  They weren't litter mates but might as well have been, best friends for life :) Well, we didn't read or look into proper integration prior, however we did leave my cats food, water, and litter box where they were and added a litter box, food and water station for the other two in a separate room.  As expected there were a few cat fights in the beginning but then my female just stayed under our bed.  Unfortunately my boyfriend and I had to go out to sea, Navy, a week later for a month.  I had a friend of mine stay at the apt and watch over things while we were gone.
  When we got back right away I noticed that my female, Launa, had lost a lot of weight and her face was covered in what appeared to be 'slobber'.  When I went to clean her face off blood and puss started spraying everywhere.  After taking her to the ER, the Vet, and $600 later her abscessed tooth was taken care of.  During and afterwards we kept Launa in our bedroom with the door constantly shut so she could heal in peace.  About three weeks later we noticed that one of the males, Yager, started shaking his head a lot and scratching his ears.  After taking him the vet on a tuesday and discovering ear mites along with an ear infection we treated all the cats for the mites and gave Yager special ear drops.  That Sat Yager started having labored breathing while sleeping so after taking him once again to the vet, then the animal ER, and $500 we had him put to sleep due to an underlining heart condition, Hypertrophic cardiomyopathy.  The stress of the vet visits and ear drops took his heart to the limit :(
  So, inbetween all this wonderful stress and drama we tried slowly reintroducing Launa into the mix and everytime it resulted in horrible outcomes.  She would appear to be doing well in our room, coming out from under the bed without being dragged, sleeping on top of the conforter and not under it, and start eating and drinking again.  Then after one evening on the couch the whole time with my boyfriend and I and then taken back into our room at bed time, door closed the whole time we would go back to square one with her hiding under the bed and not eating or drinking again.
  Finally the last two weeks she decided she was going to start using the side of my bed and on top in the middle as her litter box, this was not acceptable for me.  So Sunday I washed everything and shampooed the carpets and put a stop to what I call kitty segregation.  I left the door open since now it isn't two against one anymore, she is all healed up and healthy, and she has been segregated for a month and a half.  There were a couple spouts at first but all quiet after that.
  However, now she is back to not eating, drinking, and isn't going the bathroom at all, and never comes out from under the bed.  Everytime we take her out from under the bed and try to carry her into the living room she pees all over us.  The reason I am emailing you finally tonight is cause of tonights events.
  After I got home from work I was able to keep her by the water bowl long enough for her to drink a ton of water before she ran back under the bed.  Then I hand fed her a couple handfulls of food.  About an hour later I went to bring her out to the living room to be with my boyfriend and I and as usual she peed all over me.  Then while I was holding her in my lap on the couch she stood up like she was stretching and pooped in my lap.  She has continued to pee all over the kitchen this evening and just keeps hiding in the corner by our bedroom, we have the door closed to make her be out here.  I then had my boyfriend hold his cat and I held her and we held them together, she growled a little and he acted like he didn't have a care in the world.  He keeps walking over to her slowly and sniffing but that is the extent of it.  She still won't leave the corner.
  So...after all of this my question is what do I do from here?  I don't want her to live the rest of her life in our bedroom with the door closed but I also don't want her to die from not eating or drinking.  I thought animals would have an instinct to eat and drink before they let themselves die but it isn't appearing so with her.  My mom suggested kitty Prozac but I don't want her drugged the rest of her life either, she has a great personality when she isn't being like this.  Any advice would be greatly appreciated, I am at my ropes end and have no idea what else to do.  Thank you very much.

Answer
Heather,

At this point I think that having your cat re-evaluated by a veterinarian to rule out potentially serious medical problems would be a good idea. Obviously there's something very wrong, it comes down to finding out whether the problem is physical or emotional. I do wonder since you mention the loss of another cat within your household whether your cat and the deceased cat were close - you may be seeing a very extreme version of grief that's gotten out of hand. If there aren't any signs of physical health problems it may be best to try finding ways of alleviating this cat's severe anxiety. You could try seeking the advice of a holistic veterinarian - this is a vet trained in conventional medicine as well as one or more alternative therapies which can include homeopathy, acupuncture and massage among other treatments. Unfortunately cats aren't like dogs, they will starve themselves and can cause some real health problems related to dehydration or inadequate intake of food. Obviously the priority needs to be getting this kitty less fearful and anxious, I normally recommend a pharmaceutical approach as a last resort, however it may come down to not having a choice but to medicate your cat with anti-anxiety/depressant medication at least for awhile. You can try a safe homeopathic remedy called Bach's Rescue Remedy which is a mixture of flower essences designed to calm and reassure. You can often find Rescue Remedy in health food stores, naturopathic pharmacies, some mainstream pharmacies in the aisles where you would find vitamins and other nutritional supplements and I believe that you can also purchase this remedy online. I've seen some amazing results with Rescue Remedy and given the seriousness of your kitty's anxiety I'd recommend that you administer this remedy 3-5 times a day by rubbing a single drop onto the relatively hair free portion of skin in front of the ear canal. It's best to be careful and avoid getting Rescue Remedy into the cat's ears as the flower essences are preserved in a grape alcohol solution which may sting any irritated skin within the ear. If you're able to find a holistic vet in your area s/he may be able to offer the best possible outcome via several different naturopathic treatments, but failing that there's a real possibility that this kitty may require anti-anxiety/depressant medications so I would urge you to do your research, get informed and don't be afraid to ask about potential risks or side effects along with any other questions you may have. I really wish that I could offer something more, but this is a very serious case of anxiety/fear or trauma that requires professional help as soon as you can possibly find appropriate help. Please feel free to keep me updated, I'd like to know how this kitty's doing - until then you and your cats will be in my thoughts and prayers.