cat aggression toward owner

Question
Dear Expert:
I was away for 8 days. My indoor Maine Coon (spayed female 2 1/2 years - got her from breeder at 7 months)was cared for (food, grooming, litter box), and played with by my neighbor who has always been her caretaker when I am away. The night I returned, she voiced her complaints and spent the night at my head as usual when I return from being away.  Next morning the routine resumed and all seemed fine.  After breakfast I groomed her as always.  She loves this and generally flops over and gives me her belly to groom - nothing is off limits.  She did everything as usual until suddenly she gripped my upper arm with her front claws and began the rear leg kicking and scratching.  I am a first time cat owner so have NO experience with this so I panicked.  I did not go limp nor did I try to extricate my arm - I sensed that would NOT work.  Instead I bopped her in the head.  She looked at me then bit my elbow and put her rear legs into faster motion!  I popped her again and she let go.  My arm was shredded and bleeding.  I got care for it and have avoided infection but I no longer trust her.  When I came home from medical care, I waited until I was calm and started the grooming routine again.  She pinned her ears back while looking directly at me so I popped her in the head.  She then started a stare down which I maintained with her.  Then she pinned her ears again and I popped her again.  Then we were finished and she let me groom her.  She is not a lap cat but has been sleeping with me at night since this event which she does not generally do.  We have no other pets although we had a dog when she first joined us.  I feel like perhaps she needs a new owner because of this trust issue now and because she really is not giving me what I need from a pet - snuggling and some lap time.  I just don't know what to do.  I am home much of the time.  I was a dog trainer and rescuer/placer so I get that animals sometimes need other homes.  I am also willing to try to train her but don't know what to do - the books I have don't really give me any ideas.  Perhaps she is too old to become a lap cat but she must be trustworthy.  Until now I have thought that she is "all that" and have accepted that she is NOT exactly friendly.  I have read cat communication books and have communicated with her - about how long I was going to be gone and why it was necessary.  What I think I am getting from her now is that she is ready for a new family - she has taught me what I needed to learn.  I am writing to ask you if there is something I can do to mend the relationship or would it be best for all concerned if I find her a loving home and find myself a kitten that I can raise to be my companion.  Thank you for your attention to this serious matter!

Answer
Sharon,

Explaining cat behavior is not always easy.  I suspect there was a bit of separation anxiety.  Have you ever been gone that long before?  It is also possible she saw some strange cat through the window and got into a fright/flight/fight behavior. Also, how long has it been since you returned from being away?

I am not sure you have interpreted her behaviors correctly.  If you watched how kittens play, they are incredibly rough with lots of biting/scratching behaviors. Cats have incredibly tough skins, so such behaviors are normal for showing affection or for play "fighting" If she was in attack mode, the teeth would have been involved. I think you are totally misinterpreting her behavior. BTW, I put little stock in the so-called cat behavior or cat communications theories, since our base is as humans, and most humans do not understand how cats think nor what their motives may be. We have a tendency to assign human emotions and motives to cat behavior and they just do not think like we do. It is not clear to me that she desires a new family.

Cats do not respond well to negative reinforcement techniques. Cats are trainable, and positive reinforcement methods work best. One of the best techniques for cat training is "clicker" training (see www.clickertraining.com).

What I might do is to avoid popping her in the head. Also, staring at the cat is a challenge to her, so I would avoid "staring her down", as it is counter productive.  A couple of behaviors you can adopt to get things more back to normal is to blink at her instead of staring.  This is one way cats show submission to one another. Also, I would watch her behaviors, for example cats have a fairly complete body language vocabulary and, there are good books discussing this. Ears pinned back is a sign of fear. Excessive swallowing is a sign of fear. Marking, i.e. rubbing her cheeks, lips, and or forehead is a way of marking her "territory". Cats will do this with people they like. Another thing I would do is to ignore her completely and not pet her or groom her unless she asks for it.  Do not approach her, but let her approach you.  Cats do much better if they think something is their idea. She is not going to forget 2 years of behavior in one absence, but you may have to build up her trust in you, not the other way around.

If you get the TV program "My Cat form Hell!" on Animal Planet, you should tune in. The fellow who does the show, Jackson Galaxy, shows as much understanding of cats as anyone I have seen!

So, in summary, you need to build up your cats trust in you, since something happened during your absence that has bothered her, you need to let her come back to her former behaviors on her terms.  If she continues the biting/scratching behavior, please get back to me, there might be some things we can do. In any case, I would be interested in finding out how things progress.

Best regards... Norm