Ferret troubles

Question
My ferret is a sociopath.  I bought her a few weeks ago and she is possessed by Satan or something.  No I am not a person confusing the weasel war dance with an attack.  She freaking hates me and all human kind.  She bites (NOT NIPS) really hard.  Usually just clamps there for a while until she loosens her hold on me to adjust her grip so she can more easily shake her head violently to rip my flesh like wet tissue paper.  Timeouts, firmly saying NO combined with a hiss, and scruffing do NOTHING.  Not only is it the biting that is causing me to hate all small animals, but she will have nothing to do with me when I let her out.  After I manage to get her out (without her biting me, which takes a while since I won't let her out until she lets me pick her up without biting) she stays as far away from me as possible.  She will occasionally approach me, but just for a quick chomp on my hand/nearest appendage.  I have never hurt her or done anything to cause her to treat me this way and I am starting to hate this ferret.  The worst part is that i have nowhere to take her should I change my mind.  The petstore won't take animals back (because they could have contracted some diseases or something like that), there isn't a shelter for ferrets in my town, and on top of that, who will want a sociopath ferret?  I CERTAINLY DON'T!  Please help me turn this around.  You experts are my last hope.  My ferret isn't ill, sick, or injured in any way, she is just possessed by some manner of demon or something.  Seriously though help me! I don't know what to do and this is really stressing me to the breaking point.  Is this what ferrets are really like? Because everywhere I've checked said they are happy, energetic bundles of joy who love to play and socialize with people.  Mine, on the other hand is an evil, energetic bundle of human suffering... please help me...    )-;

Answer
Hi Jen, thanks for writing and I'm sorry for all the trouble your ferret is causing you.  I have also had seemingly mean, evil ferrets bite me and it's not fun.

You don't say how old your ferret is.  If you bought her from a pet store, though, she is likely 2-4 months old, and it is VERY unusual for a ferret that young to be behaving the way you describe. This is either a defense mechanism because she fears people, or it's a form of aggression because she has a disorder of some kind.

If your ferret came straight from a pet store, which means straight from a breeder, then there are two possibilities.  The first is that someone at the pet store or breeder abused her and she is now afraid of human beings, and that second is that she has a neurological or glandular disorder of some kind. You say she is not ill -- has she had a thorough exam from a ferret-knowledgeable veterinarian, including a full blood workup? If the answer is no, then it is very likely she has a physical issue that is causing this behavior.

Currently I myself have a ferret who was a horrible mean biter when I rescued her from a shelter, and there were two causes:  she's blind, which no one stopped to consider, and that makes her skittish and fearful; and she has adrenal gland disease, which made her aggressive. The former can only be treated with affection, patience, and a daily routine she gets used to. The latter was treated with a Lupron injection and a Ferretonin injection. Within a month or so all symptoms of her adrenal disease (including a very swollen vulva) disappeared, along with her biting.

In any event, based on my experience I strongly suspect a combination of fear on her part and a physical problem. I urge you to take her in for a thorough physical exam as soon as possible, including a FULL blood workup. You'll need a sturdy carrier, and to get her into it hold a treat out (find a treat she will respond to such as Marshall Bandits or 8-In-1 ferret treats) with one hand while you scruff her neck and pick her up with the other one.  Then gently drop her into the carrier, which you have turned over on its end and put a couple of towels into beforehand.

If you tell me where you live, I will find some ferret-knowledgeable animal hospitals to recommend to you.

Meanwhile, I also strongly urge you to post this to the Ferret Health List, which is monitored by vets and vet techs as well as ferret people with literally decades of experience with this kind of troublesome behavioral issue. There is also an archive there of all past messages and responses and I would search the archive on the keywords "biting" and "aggression".  The FHL is at:  http://pets.groups.yahoo.com/group/ferrethealth/

Good luck and let me know how this goes,
DG