Cat feelings

Question
I just lost my beloved cat last Saturday 9/9. He was 13 1/2 and was a member of the family. I am devastated beyond belief. It was sudden (he had a straddle thrombus). I am consumed with guilt because all day Saturday I was involved in other things that did not involve spending time with my cat. I NEED to know he knew he was loved. As his last moments with us were spent in extreme pain (and at the emergency vet clinic therefore a "foreign place"), I just want to know if he knew I was there and trying to help him. He hated his cat carrier but pulled himself into it when we got it out b/c he lost the use of his legs. Why would he have done this? Did he know we were trying to help? Did he know we loved him? He sought our company, especially in the last 6 months and slept with us and was a lap cat. I just can't get past this and want him back for 5 more minutes so i can tell him how much I loved him but it's too late so this all I have. Does this make sense? Thanks-leigh

Answer
Leigh, I know all the feelings you are going through.  And there's nothing I can say that will change them.  Those 5 more minutes...we all want those.  I still have dreams that I have a cat back who died 3 years ago, just long enough to tell him I love him and say goodbye once more.  And though it's painful, that's a healthy reaction.  Time doesn't wipe away our grief, but it does make it bearable.  The good memories begin to stand out more than the traumatic end.

I believe cats understand much more than many people give them credit for.  My cat LOVES his insulin shot.  Not because it feels good, of course, but I'm certain it's because he realizes it makes him feel better.  So it is possible your kitty realized you were trying to help him and that's why he climbed into his carrier.  It might also be possible he was just trying to hide - a natural reaction to pain or the realization that death is near.

Absolutely, he knew you loved him.  No one in the world can tell me cats don't know and feel love.  Cats and dogs experience emotional bonds very similar to the ones humans do, which is why they fit so smashingly into our families and form such close relationships with us.  Just the way you felt his love for you, he felt your love for him.  Though humans sometimes need to hear the words, "I love you," cats are so much better at picking up on true emotion.  Evidence suggests they can actually smell the hormones associated with different emotions.  Every feeling you felt, he sensed.

And yes, I absolutely believe he knew you were there and trying to help him.  I've been with so many cats taking their last breath.  So many of them wait until their loved ones are there to finally let go.  And even when the vets question if the cat is even aware of what's going on...I look in their eyes.  And I know when they move their eyes and focus on my face, they have all they need.  Just a loved one to be there.  We all must face death some day.  And to have a loved one there with us when that time comes, that's all we could ever ask for.

You CANNOT allow yourself to feel guilty or to regret anything that happened.  Your kitty knew he was loved.  Your kitty knew you were there.  And though I know you wish you could've saved him, it was his time.  And you did exactly what a person who has unconditional love for their pet does - you put your personal feelings aside, you stayed strong for him, and you stayed by him.  And I don't doubt for a second he knew that.