cat(s)

Question
Hi, Feb. of '03 we adopted a DSH gold & white; approx. 2 yr. old neutered male from PetSmart.  Somewhat about a month ago I went to Miss Kittys Cat House and adopted a spaded female who I was told is indoors and 8 years old.  I found out her companion had passed on and the owner moved to Ca.  The amount of time in which this happened is unknown to me.  She was in that cat house approx. 1 mo..  They tolerated each other (it seems) a bit better.  The female is a scaried cat and runs for unknown cover when voices are raised; my husband is around; and I want to give her attention on my time and terms -- on & on... .
I had hoped by bringing in a companion for my "Texas" he would have someone to love, play with and companionship whenever we are away.  I don't know if I thought wrong.?  They feed & drink out of the same self feeders and I have noticed he will hold back when she is there eating.  I try to give each equal attention but here is an instance --- Yesterday, while sitting here at this machine the female approached and I bent and picked he up.  First held firmly, then ease it.  Reassuring her of no need to be jumpy.  I had no idea my "Texas" was approaching the doorway.  "New York" bounded out of my arms and flew to him and snarled and attacked.  I had no spray bottle w/me to intervien.  I lose my patience too easily; in prior (before obtaining her) --- I would daydream they would love each other; snuggle and bed down intertwined.  "Texas" I was told was a stray brought in to PetSmart --- no futher history.  He does occassionally like to go outdoors and on his own time; when ready -- re-enter the house.  He sits on our deck and roams the neighborhood.  I have small concern regarding wild life and him but now, mainly, he seems intimidated and not the playful guy we once had.  Also, N.Y. meows sooo much and now Tx. has started somewhat himself --- to my husbands annoyance.  You see my spouse is in his 70's and (may have) has Alhezimer.  He is on Aricept and it helps but his mother had Dementia and started to be very difficult.  He forgets and apologizes later for imitating his mother in her late years.
It is night and the only light comes from the computer screen, I heard but not saw the two cats going into each other.  I simply said "Hey, stop it you two."...& they left.  I don't know if I should return the female or given more time and I not interferring when they spar it will work out === beautifully????  I need to talk with someone about them off & on because it has been over 30 years since I had any animal.  Texas was gotten to help lower my blood pressure and I love him so and I try to let New York know there is enough love in me for both.  Please just share me/we & life.  Can't wait to hear from you.  Thanks & God Bless! 'night!

Answer
Hi there!  New York and Texas...what adorable names!
Hey, now, don't be discouraged one bit.  I have five cats...I know the "drill" like the back of my hand!  Sometimes it can take months until they get along.  At this point, all of my cats absolutely love eachother, cuddle, ect.  I just rescued a kitten last weekend.  Now, instead of getting upset...they all just kind of look at me like "oh mom, another one?" hehe.  They adjust very well now, but it wasn't always like that.  Right now, your two cats are debating over who the alpha cat is.  This is completely normal and eventually, they will duke it out and be done with it.  
Do as you are doing now.  Love them both, spend equal time with each of them and play with them, ect.  Here are some tips that I have found to work over the years.
A cat's biggest problem with the "newcomer" is the strange scent.  Putting just a drop of the same perfume on each of their scent glands (on the underside of their cheeks and the base of their tails), will make them have the "same scent" and they won't be as foriegn to eachother.  I have really found this to work.
Also, I am not sure if you feed your kitties canned food, but a great "ice-breaker" is by putting a can of food on a plate and having both the cats eat together.
Get a jingly ball or one of those stick toys with the feather on the end.  They can run and play and chase these toys together, which proves to be a bonding experience.
You'll probably think I'm crazy for saying this, but I actually blow bubbles for my cats! They absolutely are intrigued by them, and again, it's a good bonding experience for them.
You're doing right by not keeping them separated.  Separating them will only make the bonding process longer.  They need to get over their "differences" right off the bat.
They will get used to eachother eventually.  Don't become stessed about their little battles, as even cats who are the best of friends have "arguments"!  Just have lots of patience and give them lots of TLC like you're doing and they'll come around eventually.
It sounds as though you could really use some companions right now, and Texas and New York will be just that.  They will accept eachother soon...it all just takes time. Some cats need more time than others.
Hang in there!
If you would like to personally email me about these two or anything else, please feel welcome to!
My email address is barkingmeows@yahoo.com
Best of luck!
Hilary