To Sell or Not to Sell

Question
I have a 5 yr old Paint Gelding who I have owned for a year now.  I am an intermediate rider.  Nate was green broke when I purchased him.  I wanted a horse I could train in Western Pleasure. Everything was going great until 12/16/07.  Some stray dogs ran up on us while riding on the stable property.  Nate got spooked, backed himself up to a pond, which he is terrified of water, and then bolted, bucking.  I got tossed on a hard-packed gravel road.  Broke several bones in my face, my shoulder, elbow, and ribs.  After few weeks, I was able to continue groundwork with Nate.  Started a lot of desensitizing exercises in the round pen.  Again all was going well. Started riding again in Feb.  I have a trainer I work with 3 times a week.  I ride atleast 5 times a week.  I took Nate to our first open show in May and placed 3rd in Western Walk/Trot. Nate often shuts down and doesn't want to work.  Refuses to walk off.  We work in circles at the walk and trot until he feels soft and supple and relaxed.  Then ask to walk off or perform something else and he bucks again. I'm a good rider and can ride his bucks out, but as time has gone on, he's just gotten more violent.  Moving from just a few bucks to bucking, spinning, and bolting, then slamming on the brakes and starting all over again.  We've worked through most of the spooking and he will be fine for weeks, then he'll spook over something he's walked by a million times, start twirling and bucking. Well..we've been to another show in June and place in the top 3, but it was a fight with him the whole way.  We started working on loping the end of June.  First with lunge line, then free lunge, then in saddle.  Thought things were going well. He seemed to like to canter.  We were still using the round pen. Out of the blue, he starts bucking and not just when asking for the canter, but after he starts cantering.  Again, I rode the bucking out and thought we were okay..only to have him start bucking and spinning.  I finally got tossed on 7/19 and ended up with a badly broken ankle and lower leg.  I have several plates and a number of pens and screws.  My trainer and other friends are terrified the horse is going to kill me. He's gotten more explosive and unpredictable as we've progressed with the training.  I know some top riders and they are afraid to ride Nate. I am a bit afraid now too and don't know if I have what it takes to finish him out now.  And I don't know if I will ever trust him enough again.  He is an absolutely beautiful black and white tobiano. 15'3 hands.  Long legs.  Slow easy trot.  A smooth slow canter when he's not bucking. I love him more than anything. I truly wanted to make this work and have worked so hard with him and suffered through some pretty bad injuries, only to get right back on him and continue working.  My fear is we won't be able to find a good home for him, now that he's gotten a bad rap. I feel like I'm selling a child because they won't behave. I feel like I'm giving up on him. I've tried to play it off as my fault..maybe I'm not a strong enough rider, but everyone knows me and has seen me ride.  I am a strong good rider. I have good equitation and solid ques.  I'm 44 yrs old and, even though I am in good shape, I can't take another bad fall. To get a good reputable trainer around here to try and finish him will run about $800 a month, for probably 3 mos, plus my $550 a mo stall fee to keep his spot at the barn and then there's no guarantee I will be able to find that trust again with him or that this streak in him will be gone.  I am just having a hard time letting him go... any advice is welcome.  I am literally in tears each time I think about selling him.  I am not one to let anyone down and to me he is every bit a part of my family as my own son is.  This is really killing me.

Answer
Hi Pennie!

The first thing you must do for your sake as well as Nate's is to steel yourself to handling this in a fair and unemotional way.  Yes, I know that sounds impossible but, it is best for all involved.

Anything with a brain can have "the wires crossed" so to speak.  From what you are describing, your horse has deep issues that may not be solved through just simple training.  He may have deep rooted psychological problems that are organic and not learned.  Problems that will always be triggered and therefore makes him unridable.

I have 2 suggestions.  First, to donate him to a reputable horse rescue that fully understands that he may only and ever be a pasture pet...never to be ridden by his new owner.  To live out his days be a companion horse to another horse or just a big pet for someone with no desire to ride.  Second, outright give him to a reputable QH trainer who has the knowledge, skill and time to spend on him.  Trainers often take a horse that no one else can ride and gives him a second chance..... I myself have done this many times and my current go-to horse for anything and everything is one of these.  He put his former owner on Lifeflight, her injuries by him were so severe AND I was warned off him by our mutual vet.  But, because of my abilities, I have over the years forged a relationship of mutual trust and respect with him.  I now can trust him fully and value him as a mount greatly.

I strongly recommend you DO NOT attempt to sell him.  He cannot be safely sold in this current condition.  Also, the next owner may not be as responsible as you and Nate may end up in a cruel situation.

In the end you must see that neither of you failed in this riding partnership. It was just not meant to be.  Now, it is time to carefully and correctly fix the situation with Nate's care and continued safety being the primary concern.  Step back, take a deep breath and trust yourself to do right by him.  He most likely never did anything "intentionally" to hurt you or anyone else, so he deserves a second chance...as do you.  Purchase your next partner with your head and not your heart and hopefully you will never be in this position again.

Good luck and remember to always wear an ASTM/SEI approved riding helmet!

Solange