trust and respect

Question
One of my horses I trust; we've been through an Extreme Cowboy Race together, and he's an awesome horse. My other horse is a bit more of a problem for me though. I can see she doesn't trust me, and she doesn't have much respect for me either because she leads almost on top of me and I'm short so I'm always pushing her away or pulling her back when she wants to go too fast. I'm planning to lunge her a lot in the next few days, and then since she's pretty nervous about being alone in her field (the other horse is being trained right now) and about all the racket at the house I want to just lead her around and introduce her to everything. I want to play with her--I used to run along and change directions all of a sudden or just stop to see if my other horse would follow me, and that really helped him--and I want to just get her out and brush her sometimes. I've been kind of discouraged about her behavior lately because she's a well- trained and normally well-behaved horse and she's being hard-headed now. She's young though (5 or 6) so I understand part of it. She is mouthy and when she's acting like she's scared of something she reaches down and starts eating, which drives me crazy. Are the things I want to do with her the things I ought to do to build trust and respect between us? What else could I do to get her attention and make her want to be with me?

Answer
    Hi Hannah,
  Trust and respect go hand in hand, and if you have one you will, almost certainly have the other. On the other hand if you are lacking one, then you will be lacking both. It is good that you recognise the importance of these qualities in your relationship with your animals, and also good, that you can see when they are lacking.
  However you need to do a bit of studying, in order to get a clearer picture of how to establish yourself as the herd "leader", and thus earn both respect and trust. Please bear in mind that there is quite a heavy responsibility on you, to be a good leader, otherwise you could end up losing all you had built up. There are 3 topics that I often find myself recommending to questioners, as being worth studying. They are "Round Pen Techniques", "Herd Dynamics", and "Natural Horsemanship". There are many good articles available online, that deal with these topics, and I feel that they could be very helpful to you.
  As regards her being on top of you when being led, I would teach her to move her shoulders away from you when asked. Equip yourself with something blunt, like the butt end of a riding crop, or a small piece of stick. Put a headcollar on her and attach a rope, making sure there is a good bit of slack in the rope. Start to prod her in the shoulder area. Bear in mind that you are not trying to hurt her,or "force" her to move, all you should be doing is creating a fairly mild form of irritation. If you wish you could say the word "over" every time you prod her. The time involved could be fairly short or it could be quite long, however, at some stage she should try stepping away from you to escape the irritation. You respond by stopping the prodding immediately, and making a fuss of her. Do this for a minimum of 10 seconds, then start prodding again, to get her to move a second time. It is vital that every time she responds correctly, you reward her by stopping the prodding, and giving her the little break. Personally I would train her on both sides, but that is up to you. Assuming she learns what is required, I would start using my finger instead of a stick or whatever. Eventually I would be hoping that if she began crowding you while being led, all you would need to do would be to point your finger at her shoulder, or maybe only say the word "over".
  She should not.... and I repeat not, get ahead ahead of you, when you are leading her. Her head should be pretty much in line with your shoulder, and the lead rope quite slack, with a large U shaped loop in it. The training in this case involves taking her out for a walk. As soon as she gets ahead, you halt, lock your hand, arm and shoulder. She should halt too, but she will probably maintain pressure on the rope. You have to keep the pressure on at your end. Although the difference can be rather subtle, try to remember that you are not trying to pull her back, but just resisting her pressure. When horses find themselves in these sort of situations for the first time they don't know how to react, so they start experimenting. Usually the first thing they try is to increase the pressure, but if you can hold firm, she should give that up pretty quickly. If you were out in the open, she might try swinging her quarters away from you, which would not be the result you would want, so it would help if you could find a wall, fence or hedge, along which to lead her. If her initial attempts to relieve the pressure all fail, there should come a time when she tries stepping back. This is what you have been waiting for, relax your hand arm and shoulder, and make a fuss of her. As in the earlier case give her a 10 second break, then walk on again. Every time she gets ahead of you, repeat the foregoing.
  Try not to be discouraged. I suspect that this animal is not as well trained as you thought, but you can be the one to bring her to where you want her to be. Her age is absolutely no excuse for bad manners. I am not sure what you mean when you describe her as "mouthy", perhaps you would like to provide a bit more detail.
  Now this is a bit delicate, and please don't take it as a criticism, but you seem to want to improve your understanding, and interaction with your animals, so I feel that it would be remiss of me not to correct a misunderstanding you have. An animal that is scared or nervous will never, ever, put it's head down and start to graze. A horse with a lowered head is always relaxed. A scared horse will always have a raised head.
  I hope some of what I have said will prove helpful, but feel free to get back to me if you have any further questions, or need a bit more detail on anything at all.
  Meanwhile I'll wish you luck,
         Slan,
         Brendan