New cat - dominant behavior

Question
We have had a spayed female cat, Carmen, for about 2 1/2 years. We got her from the pound when she was about one year old. She is typically lovey and will want to sit on your lap and purr. She is a little sensitive and doesn't like to be petted hard. Some human visitors (who are quiet and calm) she likes, others she is shy of. She is not mean or agressive towards humans, except when playing. However she HATES dogs and is not friendly to any of the other neighbor cats. She has a cat door and can come and go as she pleases.

About a month ago we noticed a young stray male cat hanging around the house. We waited a few days to see if he would stick around, then fed him outside for a couple more days, then as it was extremely cold and snowy, we let him inside. He is very friendly and affectionate towards humans, likes to purr and be petted. We named him Diego and I took him to the vet two weeks ago to get neutered and shots. The vet said he is about 1 year old. I planned to keep the cat door closed for three weeks so Diego will get used to us and not run off. (4 days to go, then no more litter box!) We do let Carmen in and out the front door when she wants. They both use the litter box with no problems.

Carmen does not like him. I admit that I rushed the introduction process. He just walked on in the house, and she hissed and yowled at him, and then ran off to a corner. He seems to ignore it and just walks on by and lays down. After a few days she has almost stopped the hissing and yowling, but she will lay on a chair or behind the door and swipe at him when he goes by, kind of like shadow boxing. She doesn't actually hit him. Again he will ignore it, or will occasionally shadow box back. Sometimes they will sit or lay down facing each other, about 3-5 feet apart, but they both seem to always be watching each other and are not too relaxed.

It seems like Diego is trying to become the dominant cat - he will demand affection from me and Carmen will walk off. She also doesn't like to eat when he is around, even though they have separate bowls. He follows her everywhere and tries to sniff her butt, and then she shadow boxes him. She has become very shy of me and my live-in boyfriend, and won't come to sit on our laps or want to be petted. She will sit and watch everything, though. She is constantly on alert.

I am concerned about the change in her personality. I know it has to do with the new cat. She is stressed. Will she ever calm down and go back to being her lovey self?

Also I am concerned about Diego's growing dominance. He roams around the house and makes himself right at home, which causes Carmen to withdraw. The past few days, he has started doing something strange. He will leap on Carmen for no reason (she did not attack or swipe or anything) and pin her to the ground and bite her neck. One of them growls (can't tell which one). Carmen seems confused and sketchy after this. (which I don't blame her!) He has done this several times a day and doesn't care if we are right there or not. He is fixed, so is this a sexual behavior or a dominance behavior????

I don't know what to do to discipline Diego. My boyfriend wants to tap him between the ears when he misbehaves. I don't know enough about cats to know if this is a good idea or not. But I want to nip this behavior in the bud. I really do like Diego, he is a lovey cat and is well-behaved for being a stray cat trapped inside. But I don't want him to permanently traumatize Carmen to the point where she takes off and never comes back.

I don't know how long it should take for them to sort this out, and at what point I would have to consider giving Diego away (which I really don't want to do).

Please help me! I want to make this work.

Answer
Julie,

The cat does not have the behavior of a stray cat. He has the behavior of a lost cat. Someone may be worried sick (especially with snow) about their cat. Since the cat was not neutered he may have wandered too far and gotten lost; his owners may have just moved to the neighborhood and he got out and became lost, any number of things. Of course his owners may have moved and left him, but to ease your conscience I would at least try to see if he has an owner. He may have belonged to a child who misses him very much.

The first thing I would do is put up notices in the area and the windows of the local supermarket and gas stations. Then I would put a notice in the paper and report the cat found to the pound or SPCA.

You say no more litterbox. That may be a problem because once they are used to having one in the house, Diego especially, will not want to go in the snow. You may need one until spring.

His behavior sounds sexual. It takes about a month for the testerone to get completely out of a male cat's body after being neutered. And some cats stay mentally sexual, even though they are neutered, and get that way again when there is a female in heat anywhere in the neighborhood. He should settle down though. Don't bop him on the head because he is not being a 'bad kitty', he is just doing what comes natural. Try to distract him with toys or food. Don't pet him when he is acting like that because it may stimulate him more. The sexual behavior WILL spook Carmen because she doesn't understand what and why it's all about.

Is he a yellow/ginger colored cat? From his friendliness and sexual aggression he sounds like one.

For Carmen's stress I would get what is called Feliway. It is a spray and you can get plug-ins (try PetSmart, a vet, or on-line). It is very popular and is great for calming cats and reducing stress. It copies the relaxing pheromones that cats produce from rubbing their faces on things. It will help Diego too.

There is also a calming product that you can add to Carmen's food that reduces anxiety called Bach's Rescue Remedy. It is available on-line and in health food stores. Here is a link about it: (copy and paste, or type the whole links into your address bar)
http://www.bachflower.com/Pets.htm

Feed both cats yummy cat treats (like tuna or pieces of raw steak) TOGETHER. That is so Carmen will associate Diego with something pleasant.

Also getting a pet laser light (at PetSmart, etc.) is great for interaction between the two cats. They both can chase the 'little red bug' on the floor, ceilings, and walls, and they tend to forget about the other cat as they focus on the 'bug' which helps them get used to each other.

Carmen will be Ok. It may take about a month. Make sure you give her alot of attention so she won't be jealous and resentful of the 'intruder'. Even lock him him a room for awhile and just give her attention, play, and treats so she will feel 'special'.

If Diego has a dominant personality, Carmen may realize it and let him be head of the 'pecking order'. That's normal, but they have to work it out themselves.

Adjustments with new cats ALWAYS take time...and patience.

I hope this helped. Keep me posted on how it is going.
Tabbi