Two cats not getting along

Question
Hi, Holly
I have a small little tiny problem. Okay, so maybe its not so tiny. I have two cats, you see? A male and a female. Stella, the female is a tortoishell and is about 8 years old. She had never been around other animals before we adopted her when she was going on 7 years old. When we did adopt her, we had two dogs, so shes perfectly fine with dogs now. But then we got my cat, Bucket, who is barely a year and a half old and a grey tabby. Stella may be bigger (yeah, shes sorda fat, but we love her), and Bucket may be the skinnier one, but its no difference to Bucket. Now, I don't have any other pets besides the two cats, so my mother let them out to settle their differences. Before when we had the dogs, we would always switch them constantly so one is always out while the other is separated and doing their own thing. Bucket stays in my room, and he has his own litter box there, along with food. Stella used to stay in my parents bedroom, where she also has food and water, and a litter box. Downstairs we have a litter box that they both use.

So here's my question: How do i get the two to get along?

For the passed two months after we let them out together, Stella had been miserable and Bucket constantly attacks her, like hes trying to play. Stella is pretty old, correct, well, she hisses and spits and runs away, trying to tell him to leave her alone. Lately, shes been turning over, when she is trapped and using her back legs (her front paws don't have claws, but her back ones do. They are both fixed and declawed in the front, and indoor cats). My mother explained to me that if one of them draws blood on the other, we have to get rid of one. But I love them both so much, and I wouldn't want them to go.

Bucket thinks of me either as his mother, or his wife. I'm not totally sure, but he is really connected to me. I try to play with him and pay attention to him, while also giving Stella the same amount of attention. Bucket constantly terrorizes her and if this keeps up without progress, im not sure if I can change my mothers mind.

I really need your help! Please!

My mother has gone back to spraying him with the water bottle, and when he gets wound up at night, he starts biting, so we tap him in the head or the butt just so he gets the message not to do that anymore. The spray bottle worked on the dogs, and we were thinking it would work on the cats to, but I'm not sure if its working.

Please say you can help me. Thank you so much!

Answer
Hi Rachel,

Unfortunately it sounds to me as though you have two cats with two completely different personality types and energy levels, which is usually not a good mix.  There are several things I need to address here.  First, you need to keep them totally separate and begin doing behavioral modification with Bucket.  You need to teach him what is allowed and what is not.  You have a dominant, active kitten, and the WORST thing you can do when they get overexcited and/or 'aggressive' is be aggressive back. This is the worst mistake people make.  You NEVER scruff, thump, hit, or spray a dominant cat. Period.  That is how you ruin their trust and respect for you.  They think very highly of themselves and don't feel you have the right to respond to them in this manner, so they become resentful, which increases the aggression.  Furthermore, declawing always increases pain and therefore aggression.  It is much more prevalent in dominant cats for the aforementioned reasons, and because their personality types keep them wound up and they show their emotions.  TImid, reserved cats tend to be more introverted and repressed, and act out less.  Obviously you can't undo the declawing, but you can control how you respond to the situation.

So here's cat behavior 101.  First, when dealing with any animal, always remain CALM and ASSERTIVE.  Not mad, not angry, not resentful.  Animals pick up on emotions, body language, and tone more than anything.  Teach Bucket the 'shhtt' command.  Anytime he does something you don't agree with (say he's on a chair he's not allowed on), say 'shhhhtt!' while looking directly at him in a stern but calm tone.  If he does not respond, move closer to him, add another cue word, "Off" in this case, and point down.  If he still doesn't get him, calmly pick him up with one hand and set him on the ground.  Praise him.  If he's the type that tries to attack your hand if you pet him in this mode, just say something like 'Good boy Bucket' in a happy calm tone.  The other key is body language. Stiffen up when you say 'shhht' and relax when you praise.  This may sound juvenile or simple, but I have used this process to train 6 of my cats as well as 44 fosters to everything from commands to tricks to using their sisal scratch post.  All six of my cats are strictly indoors with all their claws, all with different personality types, quirks, and needs.  When you meet these needs and teach them how to behave, they can coexist.  If you're lucky, they learn this from siblings. If not, you have to teach them, and you have to understand cat behavior, know your cat, and apply the methods properly, always calmly and patiently.  Depending on the cat, some take a few weeks and some take months to extinct certain behaviors.  Being that you haven't implemented this since he was a kitten, it will probably take months of consistent work by you, but you should see change almost immediately if you follow the guidelines.

As far as biting is concerned, I have used the same process for all of my cats and fosters, and most stop biting with a few tries.  Unfortunately I feel this will take you a few weeks, but the more you work at it and are always consistent, the sooner it will stop.  When he bites, freeze your hand, tense up, and say 'shhtt' immediately.  The response should be for him to pause and look at you.  Look at him as if you mean it, and praise if he is no longer biting.  Another good tool is to have a stuffed mouse or some soft toy and redirect his attention to that, and praise then when he bites it and plays with it.  Cats should always be taught that it is never okay to bite hands and feet.  If you respond with more movement or aggression of your own, you are only reinforcing the behavior.  When you start this as a kitten, it usually only takes 5 or 6 times of this process for them to then stop biting and then lick your hand, at which time you praise and they quickly learn to lick hands and feet as opposed to bite.  You need to freeze because movement fuels their prey drive, which is usually accelerated in more dominant cats.  I have a foster right now who is highly dominant and active, and I have been using this process with her since she was 4 weeks old and at 4.5 months, she is just now consistently not biting.

Until she responds to and respects your consistent leadership and instruction when you say 'shhht' she stops, you shouldn't begin to reintroduce to Stella.  This is going to be your biggest hurdle, because since you let them be together and Bucket basically got to antagonize her, Stella has a very negative association with him and has lost respect for you as her owner.  So while you are doing this behavioral work with Bucket separately, you need to work on reinforcing your bond with Stella.  Make sure you provide regular meal times.  I teach mine various tricks which I have them do before I put their food down, and it reinforces our bond.  I also groom (comb) each of them every other day which is a nice bonding time.  Get her favorite toy and play it with her, or give her some catnip (read, do NOT give Bucket catnip!).  While separated, give them both a towel to sleep on, and then switch them so they can both comfortably get to know each other's smell without confrontation.  This should also make her more receptive.  When you reintroduce for the first time, have Stella out and Bucket in a carrier.  Make sure you end on a positive note, not when they're hissing or growling.  Feed them both at the same time, which will help create a positive association (with Bucket still in the carrier).  Be sure to continue to give them the same amount of attention.  Make sure they each have a litter box in separate locations and that they do not stalk each other.  Anytime Bucket even starts to stalk Stella, say 'shhht' and snap him out of it.  There is a 3 strikes and your out rule.  If he doesn't stop and does it 3 times, lock him in his room for a 10 minute timeout.  In the beginning, you cannot leave him out unsupervised with her, or all the work will be for nothing.  You must be able to correct the behavior or he will learn he can do what he wants when your not there.

I hope all this helps and you can stick to this regiment.  Otherwise, I fear the only option for Stella to have a stress-free happy home is for you to rehome Bucket.  I wish there were more qualified adoption counselors out there that understand feline behavior, as we would not have so many owners in this exact predicament.  I wish you the very best of luck, and please feel free to let me know if you have any other questions.  In the meantime, please read these important nutrition articles:

What's Really in Pet Food?
http://www.bornfreeusa.org/facts.php?more=1&p=359

Feeding Your Cat (Article)
http://www.catinfo.org/#My_cats_are_now_eating

Best regards,

Holly Martin
Cat Care & Behavior Counselor
Texas A&M University
B.S. Animal Science