Why cant I love him the same?

Question
I just lost my little Dexter-boy after 8.5 years.  Dexter showed up at my house, feral and starving.  It took 4 months for him to trust me but eventually, after emergency surgery, he came in the house to become the most loving best cat I've ever been around.  Two years ago Dexter had pancreatitis and diabetes at the same time.  He tolerated his twice daily insulin shots like a trooper, along with the monthly glucose testing.  8 months ago he was diagnosed with severe congestive heart failure and he tolerated 6 pills a day, eating them in his food and never complaining.  We lost him 3 weeks ago and my heart is broken.  I was his care giver, here every single day and minute with my boy.  Dexter had a best friend, Floyd, who is also in the house with us and while I love my little Floyd-boy, I just can't seem to muster up the deep love for him that I had/have for Dexter and I feel awful about this.  Is this normal?

Answer
Hello Mory,

I'm deeply sorry to hear about Dexter.  I've been in your exact situation myself and I sympathise so much and I really do understand how you are feeling.  Feeling guilt as well as grief is entirely normal.  It's very common for owners to feel so overwhelmed by the death of one cat that they find they can't feel anything for their other cats, or for any new cats that they decide to adopt to fill the void that the other has left.  But the very fact that you do feel guilty proves that you DO love Floyd - otherwise, you wouldn't be worrying.  I have three cats and I love them all, but in different ways, and I believe that most owners feel the same.  No cat is a substitute or replacement for another, and the relationship you have with one cat will not be the same as another.  Just because you had a special bond with Dexter, it doesn't mean that you are being neglectful of Floyd.  One day you may find another cat you bond with as deeply as you did with Dexter - you may even find that eventually you do become closer to Floyd because you've lost Dexter. if not, you will always have wonderful memories.

The important thing now is to look after yourself and do not try to force yourself to get over Dexter or bond more deeply with Floyd.  It will all happen in its own time and you mustn't worry that anything you are feeling is wrong or unnatural.  Everyone reacts differently to the death of a beloved pet.  I lost my beloved Matilda three years ago and I can still cry about her, but most days I remember her with a smile and feel proud to have known her.  She's always with me and Dexter will always be with you.

Take care of yourself and I hope you feel a bit better soon.
All the best
Annie