Haltering a Pasture Sour Mare: Rick Gore Horsemanship

Question
QUESTION: First my background, as a teen & young adult I worked at the Kellogg Arabian Ranch in Pomona. Neither my cousin or I were students at the time but we both worked at the stables mucking stalls, grooming and working potential jumpers through gait training/conditioning.
About 3 years ago my husband purchased a beautiful blonde registered AQHA 3 y/o mare (Bella). He was told she was "rider ready" when he made the purchase. Unfortunately, that winter I fell & broke my back so was only able to have rudimentary interactions (occasional feeding, treats, scratching/grooming etc.) over the following couple of years.
I have completed my rehab and for the past year have attempted to get this now "pasture sour" mare to accept a halter or any ground work at all. I have read several of Julie Goodnight's articles but, find I am at a loss. We have both attempted to "walk her down" with halter in hand. But, other than some great cardio and exercise, this has not had the desired result.
My husband has now purchased a pasture mate for Bella. A very affectionate chocolate brown donkey (Pedro). At first there was the usual "who is dominant" tussle. But, now things have settled down, the "kids" crowd my husband & beg for attention but, if I am out in the pasture Pedro is the attention hound & Bella has to be wheedled & begged to come within arm's reach of me. I am at a loss. All my previous experience has been with animals with some training. I used to believe the girl who sold Bella to my husband exaggerated her training level, since once her halter was removed (shortly after her arrival) she has not allowed another one on her.
While I realize the answer must need brevity, other than selling her or hiring a very costly trainer . . . any suggestions? She seems to almost be green, again, just older & more set in her ways."

ANSWER: You obviously have not read my website or you would not be calling a horse sour. This is NOT a horse problem, it is a you problem. Read my website and watch my videos they will answer these questions and many others.

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QUESTION: WOW, thank-you for all the very helpful information. I am so glad you were able to take the time to respond.
If you wouldn't mind giving a person a hint as to where on your most prolific website. Unfortunately, having read many (not all) of your responses to questions I still do not have an answer.
I believe I already acknowledged that the issue & problem are my creation. Now that I am healthier I really need assistance to solve this.

ANSWER: Sarcasm, I like it. Let's see how you  like.  Had you took the time to read my profile you would know that I don't try and give short fast answers since that is for fools. Although, it may appropriate with you, tough. My website is large since there is a lot to know and too many whining cry babies want someone else to fix their problems over an email.

Plenty of others here that will tell you what you want to here, NOT me.

Put in time to read study and learn, and stop whining.  Your horse is stuck with you and has no choices, you have all the choices.

---------- FOLLOW-UP ----------

QUESTION: Thank-you, you have proven what we first suspected. But, she insisted on trying to ask for help (yes, as her husband I am now responding to you, since you reduced her to tears and despair)
This level of arrogance and rudeness to someone who is asking for advice. This person ( who is now confined to a wheelchair or braces just to interact w/her horse) was simply asking for assistance but, you can only respond with scorn & rudeness. She has watched many of your videos but, was having difficulties, partly due to the appliances & medications but, also as she says, she has forgotten more than she can imagine and was simply looking for some assistance from an "expert".
Please do not bother responding to her or to this, I will hire the trainer she originally requested. Oh and I am the one who suggested the "subject".

Answer
Look Dude, I get hundreds of questions a week, I spent lots of time setting up a free website explaining horse issues. IF you or your wife had read my profile you would know I refer 90 percent of questions to my site. I have over 300 videos for free about horse issues, horse care and horsemanship.

I don't have time to baby sit the thousands of people that want me to fix their horse problems over an email. It is not that simple.

So if my making all this information available to people for free is not enough, tough.

You go hire that trainer and spend and waste your money, the horse is not the issue it is the person. It is not my intent to make people cry and it damn sure is not my intent for you and others to blame me for your issues. If your wife is crying over my directness, then she will be crying over a horse's directness and a horse's lesson will hurt a lot more than mine.

But you keep on blaming me, others and blaming the horse and wanting someone to baby you or talk to you the way you want, lots of trainers will tell you what ever you want to hear, AS LONG AS YOU ARE PAYING THEM.

You do not do me any favors by reading my site or watching my videos, you do yourself and your horse a favor. Of course most people in horses are too petty and make it all about them and their feelings and that I do not have time or patience for.

Not sure what your profession is but lets say you build houses, and I write you asking how to build a house and then get pissed at you for not explaining it or if you were a mechanic and I asked you how to fix my car since it makes a funny noise and then I get pissed at you for not telling me the answer I want to hear, that is how stupid it is to ask someone that my horse has a problem can you tell me how to fix it.

So you go ahead and do what you need to do.

HERE IS THE ANGRY HUSBAND RESPONSE:

Questioner:   Husband of Horse Lover
Category:   Horses - Behavior Issues, Breaking and Training
Private:   Yes
Subject:   Horse we may need to sell - Rick Gore Hrosemanship
Question:   Just an FYI, when my wife originally contacted you, she had already taken on the guilt and responsibility for this situation but, your rude, trite and flip responses have convinced her she is not "able" to continue with her goals of riding this horse eventually. At this time she is primarily confined to a wheelchair but, occasionally can use braces and crutches to be independently mobile. She set the goal to catch, train and eventually ride this horse. Now she has decided (due to your response) to just sell the horse as she must be the problem not her relationship to this horse . . .

Thank-you for destroying her confidence & her goals. I hope you can live with yourself. She has been focused on working with this horse throughout her rehab for the last four YEARS and your obnoxious responses have set her back so much she has decided she can't reach her horse, relate to her horse much less train the horse so she can eventually ride this horse.

Thank-you thank-you thank-you my wife almost lost her life during the original accident and the one thing she focused on these last few years was this freakin' horse and creating a relationship with her. Maybe next time you might try to actually HELP someone who is already blaming themselves, rather than your sarcastic responses.

Oh, and this time . . . try truly following directions and NOT RESPOND!
Answer:   Ok, I am trying to have patience with you. Let me get this straight your wife who I have never met, never talked to before, had all these long term goals and suddenly from one email from me she has decided to give up her dream? Did I get that right? And now this lost dream is suddenly all my fault and my responsibility? Does sound even a little bit reasonable?

You made my point, your wife did not really want this, she did not want to put in the time to reach her goal, she was looking for an excuse to quit and now she is going to use my email for that excuse. That is why I don't waste my time trying to help new horse people, those that look for easy fast answers, end up quitting as soon as find out it is a lot of work and effort. If you can't take the time to read and watch a few free videos then you damn sure will not put in the time to be a good horse owner.

Use me as your excuse, I did that horse and you a favor. I noticed you said sell the horse, for money and profit, someone that really cared about a horse would not use it to make money they would find it a better home, for free and give it away, so it could have a good life, another clue you are all talk.

If either of you would have bothered to read my site in all time you wasted blaming and emailing me, you would be better educated to make a rational and reasonable decision. But, I guess it is easier to pass the blame on me or the horse so you can dodge the responsibility.

As for your last comment about follow your directions and do not respond. Kiss my ass, I don't follow your directions, you contacted me, you keep emailing me and if I don't respond I get other emails from the site, so once again take your own grand advice and don't contact me.

"to err is human, to blame the horse or others is even more human"

Good Day!

I address and mention this question in a this video:
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=gw3qoIkiPvI