is it playing or fighting?

Question
QUESTION: Hello Ali

I adopted Mr Cat (15 lbs, 5 yr old male neutered snowshoe) when he was 1 yr old.  He was a stray, very friendly and playful.  Two years later I adopted Meowgi when she was 2 yrs old (orange/white spayed female).

I did the gradual introduction... a week long, because Meowgi started jumping over the temporary door/wall we built in the hallway.  There was never any hissing or growling from either, from day 1 of the introduction.  Mr Cat likes Meowgi, and vice versa.  Mr Cat is a rambunctious kitty who I believe did not have his mother as a kitten to teach him kitty manners when playing.

My question:  No matter how much I play with Mr Cat, interactive toys and mind stimulating games (clicker training), he constantly goes after Meowgi.  Mr Cat will start grooming her, then most times it turns into wrestling then Meowgi will hiss and swat and run away. Meowgi is not fearful of Mr Cat but she will run away and jump on something high up to get away from him.  Sometimes I intervene if it looks/sounds like she is upset.  After I intervene, She will go look for him. ?? what's up with that????  80% of the time Mr Cat initiates this "activity".  Meowgi rarely initiates.  I read that if they take turns chasing it's play.  Well, Mr Cat does 80% of the chasing..so I wonder if they are fighting then.  But they dont avoid each other.  They dont sleep close together, but they do groom each other. Mr Cat bullies her so often, it's starting to frustrate me and I yell at him.  I dont want to yell.... I've tried distracting him with toys etc when it's happening, but he has tunnel vision on Meowgi, and ignores me !

Any suggestions or comments?

Thank you
Tanis


ANSWER: Tanis,

I have a few questions to ask prior to giving an answer so here goes:

- How long have you had these cats?

- What have you tried beyond using interactive toys, etc to distract Mr. Cat's confrontations with Meowgi?

- Have the cats been given a clean bill of health from your family vet?

- How long have you tried introducing the cats?

- Did you do a proper introduction with the new kitty (Meowgi) being placed in a room behind a closed door for 2-3 weeks while feeding the two cats on either side of a closed door with each other?

- Can you provide me with any other information that you think might be relevant?

- Are the cats spayed/neutered?

- Have you tried any home remedies to try and create peace between these siblings?

---------- FOLLOW-UP ----------

QUESTION: I have had Mr Cat for 4 yrs, and Meowgi for 2 yrs

I have tried the watergun, tossing a noisy toy towards him, distracting him before it happens

Both cats have been given an excellent clean bill of health every year so far

I intended to do the 2-3 wks introduction, but thought one bedroom was too small for Meowgi to be in for that long so we expanded her area to 3 bedrooms, bathroom and hallway by constructing a temporary wood door and wall, but Meowgi jumped very high and started getting up and over the 5 foot wall.  There was never any hissing between them, for the week she was secluded I did feed them on either side of the "door".  THey eat peacebly together still, like right next to each other

The cats are spayed / neutered

I have tried using Bach Flower remedy Vine with Mr Cat.

Meowgi is a good match for MR Cat as she is not fearful of him, and will walk/run away from him if she isnt tolerating his "bulliness".  But she never hides in fear.

thanks Ali
Hope this helps

Answer
Tannis,

I think that it might be worth checking into the possibility of having a consultation with a holistic vet and/or a behaviorist based on the fact that this has been on ongoing issue for awhile. The fact that Meowgi runs or walks away from Mr. Cat during bullying doesn't actually mean that she's tolerating his behavior well, in fact it may be part of the reason that this has been going on for so long - Mr. Cat may see Meowgi as a more submissive family member that he can just continue to pick on. Holistic vets are trained in both conventional medicine and one or more "alternative" therapies like homeopathy, massage or acupuncture. My family vet is a holistic practitioner and she takes the time to look at the whole animal rather than just treating symptoms. Dr. Ann, as we call her, uses homeopathy in conjunction with conventional medicine and I think that a similar approach may be helpful in this situation. I must admit that I've seen some incredible things happen with homeopathic remedies. At this point I doubt that any useful progress will be made by trying to re-introduce Meowgi and Mr. Cat properly because this has been an ongoing issue for such a long time. I think that a properly trained behaviorist who specializes in cat behavior working with a holistic vet will be the best option to try and regain balance between the two cats and keep them as calm and comfortable as possible. It may be beneficial to try out other Bach Remedies with the guidance of a holistic vet. If memory serves me Holly and Chicory may be good choices for Mr. Cat and Rescue Remedy may help Meowgi to cope with Mr. Cat's bullying. You could speak with the staff at the local natural health/health food store and ask about the wheel that matches feelings, states of mind, behaviors etc to the appropriate Bach Remedy - most retailers have this available for use by customers upon request. I would suggest that you try Rescue Remedy with both cats by adding 7-8 drops per day into the fresh water each morning. You may see improvement within a fairly short time period in both cats. Failing that I do still think that getting some guidance an animal behaviorist simply to have a fresh perspective from your own and make use of the skill of a holistic vet's knowledge and experience.