My timid cat

Question
Hi there!

We just adopted two cats (brothers) from the SPCA. They're from different litters, but from the same mother. They were found in an abandoned house when they were just babies and were in the SPCA for almost a year and a half!

Kinney (approx 2yrs) is somewhat skittish, but otherwise very affectionate and loves attention. He purrs when you pet him, rubs his head against our hands and legs, etc.
Taylor (approx 1 1/2 yrs) on the other hand, runs every time we try to touch him. If I try to give him treats I have to give one to Kinney first otherwise he won't eat it.
He is extremely attached to his brother and we're hoping with time he'll see that Kinney allows us to give him the affection that we so much want to give him to.

We know that it's just going to take patience to get him to relax around us, however, looking for tips on getting him accustomed to us easier is always helpful too.
I've read several different tips from people such as ignoring Taylor until he "begs" for attention, or even wrap him up in a towel and force pats on him so he gets used to it.

He just looks SO incredibly scared everytime we try to pet him that it breaks my heart, and I find it really hard to try to do any of the above suggestions. I don't want to ignore him, and I feel that placing a towel over him and forcing pats on him would scare him even MORE!

Do you have any tips on breaking him of his adorable timid little shell?

Answer
Lindsay.

No towels! That is only compounding the problem. Never force the kitty. It may take months for the Taylor to adjust. The older he is the longer it will take. Cats that are feral or from feral mothers are not like regular domesticated housecats and you cannot expect them to behave in the same way. Feral cats and kittens carry alot of hereditary baggage. Especially instinctively not completely trusting humans. They also take a LONG time to adjust. It takes a LOT of patience with them too. Just let Taylor take things at his own pace. He will get better as he gets more courageous. Talk softly to him and do not make sudden moves. At times completely ignore him so he can come around you without feeling threatened and sniff or even touch you.

The ferals are usually one-person cats. And they most likely will never become cuddly cats. They will love to be next to you, and love to be petted, but will not like being held or restrained. I think it flashes back to the wild when being restrained was being trapped.

I have 4 kittens from a true feral mom that are a year old. I've had them since birth. 1 is VERY skittish and will run if she hears ANY noise, 2 will sit on my lap contentedly, and NONE will let me hold them to cuddle them. They immediately squirm away. I just accept that they don't like it and don't force the issue.

When Taylor is ready, he will make small steps of progress. He may not ever be a cuddly kitty or He may not ever want to be held because that is his personality, but he will eventually become more loving and trusting and may just love to sit by you and be with you. It is going to take quite some time though.

Get some kitty treat, like a little dish of tuna or a piece of raw steak, and sit on the floor putting the treat near you on the floor and just sit quietly and talk to him. Let him come get it but don't try to touch him or make a move towards him. Do that until he trusts you enough to just walk up and get it. Then try holding a piece of meat in your hand out to him and see if he trusts you enough to take it. Try it first with Kinney there so Taylor can watch and then put Kinney in a room away from Taylor and offer the treat.

When you begin to be able to touch him, DO NOT pet him from the front, come up behind his head to pet him. A hand coming at them is danger to them and sometimes they don't stop to see what it is that coming at them, they just strike out visciously.

Another thing that may be helpful and is an ice-breaker is if you get a pet laser light (from someplace like PetSmart). It is something that is excellent for interactive play between the three of you. It is a confidence builder also. Taylor will be more relaxed if Kinney is playing too. You can play with him without any actual physical contact. You may find he gets close to you without realizing it because he is focused on play. (Make sure if you do get the pet laser light that you NEVER shine it towards their eyes). The little red 'bug' that they chase using the laser light also satisfies the inherited hunting urge that they have. Plus it's a riot to watch them try to get it. Another good interactive toy is a dangle type 'fishing' toy that you can play with him close but not TOO close for his comfort. Interactive play helps with bonding too.

Don't ever stare at them directly in the eyes. That is a threatening gesture to them. Look them in the eye then slowly blink or look away. That tells them them you are a friend and not foe. And if you notice, they will probably do it back if they are relaxed. The cats may stare at you, but it is because they are intently watching everything you do and absorbing it. The Taylor one will probably watch everything you do with Kinney and digest it.

Another thing that will make you more indearing to them is to give them a raw beef rib periodically for a treat. I have the butcher at the supermarket cut them in half for me. It satisfies the sense of a 'fresh kill', and the fibers in the meat cleans their teeth. Not all cats like them, but most do. And they may growl if you come near their 'catch' to protect it which is cute.

It just takes time, patience, and love. Taylor will get better. Don't rush anything...and NO towels!

Hope this helps.

Tabbi