canine sibling jealousy or not?

Question
QUESTION: HI,
I have two lhasa apsos, one male and one female, both fixed.  They are about 1 1/2 yrs. old.  The male dog is great.  Good personality, happy, non-threatening, good potty habits, etc... Our female dog has been giving us problems.  I have been trying to be patient with her, you know while she matures.  What she does is sneak upstairs to go potty when no one is around.  We have a three level townhome; I have trained the dogs to use bells to indicate they want to go out to potty.  She will do this, but she will also find time to sneak upstairs (which has been gated to a degree) and go potty up there (both pee and poop).  We replaced all of the carpet upstairs to eliminate smells, and she still continues.  The gates are difficult to maneuver for my four kids (ages 4 to 15) and we are all quite sick of using them.  I'm exhausted of working around her and would like to be able to roam freely throughout my own house.  So, for the last two weeks or so, I have been crating her for much of the day.  Yesterday, while outside to do "business", my 4 year old left the screen door open and our dog snuck upstairs while we were outside!!

Right now, she is the lowest of the low.  We noticed this dog's tendency to want to be topdog early on, so we instituted all the things you hear about: obeying a command before food/water, being second or third in the door after the human, no sitting on the furniture.  I'm wondering if her potty behavior has to do with jealousy with her brother.

Of the two dogs, she is snippy with my children (They are nice kids); she stirs up all the barking; and she tries to attack him viciously when he wants to play with her (He is way bigger than her).  I feel like she might benefit from being a solo dog, but I feel guilty about finding her a new home.

When we adopted our dogs, we planned to crate them only as puppies.  I love having a dog(s), but I'm so tired of dealing with this.  Is this a common issue?  Do you think it might resolve if given more time?  What is so baffling is that I have taken a huge role in getting them outside to go potty.  Why would she be so determined to be sneaky, climb the stairs and then potty.  The bells and the door outside are way more convenient.

Thanks for any help.

ANSWER: It may very well be that you have overly reduced rank in this dog to the point where she feels she has to mark territory.  It's acceptable to institute a Nothing in Life Is Free (NILIF) protocol when a dog is actively demonstrating aggression toward humans.  This is a seriously psychologically debilitating (to the dog) protocol.  In the case of this female, it seems to be overdone. It's quite uncommon for the female of this breed to attempt to be 'top dog'. I suggest you stop the NILIF immediately.  I also suggest you put this dog on long house tab (lightweight training leash) so that she cannot get more than 16 feet of your sight (eliminating her sneaking upstairs.)  Learn about positive reinforcement training which will provide her (and her brother) many behaviors (taught one at a time) which can REWARD them and help them to succeed.  Focusing on the negative is not the method that works, either with dogs or with kids.  To learn about positive reinforcement training, you can visit karen pryor's web site, read Patricia McConnell Ph.D.'s many books on behavior problems, check into Ian Dubar's Sirius Dog Training methods and read Paul Owens' book.

Rehoming this dog at this point is not acceptable.  She has been artificially psychologically and emotionally put into a very low rank and she will not make a transition well (if at all.)  You must give her a place in your "pack" and pack leadership is, above all, given by acquiescence, not force.  Rewarding appropriate elimination, preventing the dog from accessing areas she appears to be marking as a desperate statement of belonging, and treating her with consistent, loving patience is the key.

---------- FOLLOW-UP ----------

QUESTION: Yeah, I'm not sure you understand the whole picture.  Sophie has always been the favored dog in our "pack".  She is small and cute and spunky, and the kids and I have loved her.  Within the first six months, she would display aggression towards me or them if we needed her to move or get off the furniture.  She snarled and nipped, yet never actually bit anyone.  Hence, we began the stay off the furniture bit.  She also acted this way around the food bowl and would bark incessantly if I went into the house without her.  She has always been loved and I have taught her commands, like "sit", "come", "shake" and "Beg".  She is rewarded.  I also gave both dogs positive reinforcement when learning to potty outside.  And still often give praise and petting when they eliminate in the proper place.

When I say she is the lowest of the low, that means the last couple of weeks.  As we have four kids trying to maneuver the gate system and me trying to get the kids to/from many places everyday, we are simply tired of trying to figure all of this out.  As a last resort, instead of gating her in the kitchen, I have crated her when I can't watch her 100%.  I feel bad keeping her crated, yet it is very nice to be able to walk freely around the house.  Call me a bad pet owner if you want, but I have four kids - two of whom are sick of the gates and have yelled about it many times.

My hope in writing to you was that you could give me new insight into the dog's behavior.  You may be right that she needs more positive reinforcement, and you know, I practice with her daily (as well as her brother).  I read another Q/A written by you about jealousy between dogs and wondered if that might be the problem here.  Maybe not.  Whatever it is, I guess we'll keep muddling through. Summer is almost here and the kids will be under less stress.  Perhaps, time and continued patience is the key.

  

It makes me a bit sad to think that you feel I have done a poor job with this.  I have tried for success and set up our home in such a way that both dogs could be successful.  We replaced old carpet that we thought might be contributing to the problem. My four year old and I stayed on the first floor for most of this past year so that the pups could wander freely and I would be able to hear them when they needed to go out.  If anything, I have probably been too accommodating and the problems more likely would lie in this area.

Thanks for listening.

Answer
In NO WAY have I judged or implied that you've done a poor job.  I have spend the majority of my professional life (with an advanced degree) attempting to educate people in regard to the psychological and emotional needs of the animal companions with which they live.  NO LIFE is worth more than any other; every extant life form presently has the only life it may ever have.  In terms of 'jealousy'..if you are treating your male as a free agent and you have your female on a NILIF (without any indication this is required -- this is intended as a short term therapy except in dominance aggression which appears in certain breeds and almost always in male members), your female is suffering from artificially enforced rank reduction and quite possibly very depressed as a result.  Human emotions produce body signals: dogs are genetically programmed to read body signals.  It's possible that this female is successfully reading the body signal that she is not accepted/appreciated in your pack structure.  DO NOT expect anyone to be able to solve your problem in a text box; this requires an in person interview of at least one hour and an extensive evaluation of both dogs and your household living arrangement.  Call the veterinary school closest to your area. Ask for a referral to a Ph.D. or DVM animal behavior expert.