RE: Getting my cat to come inside when my partner opens the door

Question
I have two cats, one male and one female both around seven years old.  They are not pedigrees but the male resembles a Norwegian Forest cat and the female a European Short hair.  They have both been spayed but the female took a little longer so she did come into heat before she was done, even though she has never had a litter.

They can both be a little skittish but the female is more so. My partner works as security and can be away for the period of a couple days at a time though he is around for five days of the week. I am responsible for most of their care, feeding, cleaning their litter tray, cuddles and letting them inside and outside.

My male cat can get his head around my partner opening the door to him and is generally quite friendly to him but the female always runs away when he tries to let her in. In fact, she can be very hesitant about coming when I open the door to her and it can take more than one attempt.  We have tried to remedy this by only my partner opening the door to her, I wait in another room as she always runs off if she sees two people. She has now been outside for more than 24 hours and despite wanting to come in, she sits and cries to be let in, she still runs when she see my partner at the door.

As I said she has always been hesitant about re-entering the house, and sometimes once in runs and hides for about 30 minutes to calm down before socializing with the family and becoming the whore of Babylon (very friendly).  It is like there are two cat in one brain, the feral and the house cat.

We are at our wits end, and my partner feels very despondent to her to the point where he now favours giving her away. Something that neither of us really wants but may have no choice in as her behavior sparks skittish behavior in the male and make it very difficult for my partner to like let alone love her.

What can we do it amending this behavior specifically, and make her a calmer more relaxed cat in general?

Answer
Sarah,

The cat may have had a prior bad experience coming in or going out a door. She may have had her tail accidently clipped by the door, or booted out a door, or scared by something that she associates with the door or coming inside. You don't say how long you have had her. Or who had her previously. Could she have been abused prior to you getting her? Possibly someone beat her when she came inside or terrorized her. That would explain why she runs and hides until she realizes she safe. She may associate your partner being male to the experience, if she in fact did have one, because it may have involved a male.

When you open the door do not stand there. I would open the door and go into another room until she feels confident enough to come in. Do not get angry or frustrated with her. She could be getting frightend by the tone of your voice. Suggestion: Offer her some tempting cat treats (like tuna or sardines in oil...because they have a strong smell) to entice her inside. Maybe feed the other cat where she can see him eat (and also smell the treat) to make her feel more secure. Talk gently and softly to her too. When she starts coming in without being frightened you can cut out the treats.

When your partner is home have him feed her instead of you so she will associate him with something pleasant. If you are present, but he is doing the actual feeding, she will see him as an extension of you.

Another suggestion: get a pet laser light (at PetSmart, etc.) and have your partner play with her. Cats LOVE to chase the little 'red bug' on the floors, ceilings, and walls. It builds the cat's confidence, and the interactive play is good for bonding. It probably would work to get her in the door. Making sure that it never shines in her eyes, you can get her to chase the red 'bug' into the house. Continue using it a bit if she does come in. That way she can associate coming inside with a pleasant experience. If you find that she really likes the pet laser light and enjoys chasing it, you can use it only when you want her to come in so she will start to look forward to coming in so she can play with the laser light.

There is a calming product that you can add to the cat's food or
water that reduces anxiety called Bach's Rescue Remedy. It is available on-line and in health food stores. Here is a link about it: http://www.bachflower.com/Pets.htm

For the cat's stress you can get what is called Feliway (or Comfort Zone with Feliway). It is a spray (or you can get plug-in diffusers). Try PetSmart/Petco, etc., a vet's office (they use it too), or on-line. It is very popular and is good for calming cats and reducing stress. It copies the relaxing pheromones that cats produce from rubbing their faces on things.

Another option is to talk to your vet about getting a prescription for "kitty Prozac". It is commonly used for cats with stress and emotional problems to calm them. For some cats a short term therapy works (about 2 weeks), but infrequently some cats need it for a longer period of time.

You may not be able to change her personality and quirks at her age (if she is 7 years old then she is approximately 44 years old in human years) so you may need to be more accepting and tolerant of her behavior and 'work around it'. Try to be understanding. Animals can have emotional problems, phobias, etc. just like people do. Don't talk of getting rid of her because she may have problems. That would be even more emotional trauma for the poor cat. Be patient, loving, and kind and she will respond favorably to it.