Dog Fearful Only Of Me

Question
I have a 3 yr. boxer?/border collie mix. She's cute as a button, but she runs and even sometimes barks unconrollably when I come near her or walk down our steps or come into the house. She's deathly afraid of me. She is a rescue dog from TN and is super meek. I've tried different things here and there to see what might work, like not looking at her while approaching, hand out and my head lower than hers, feeding her exclusive treats that she loves (which she won't eat unless my wife is around or I'm not) I've been on walks, tried to play (which was a mistake - she got more afraid) When we brought her home, she tried running away the moment she stepped into the house and I grabbed her collar to prevent her from running into the street. I think that was the start of it and she's been a bundle of nerves ever since. I just don't know what to do or not do. The dog just hates me - not that I need it to, since we also have cats who I enjoy and who enjoy me. I don't mind that it hates me, but it is difficult to put her outside without her yelping and acting like I'm killing her and peeing all over the house when I try to let her out at the end of the day. I just want a good enough relationship with the dog so that functional things can be accomplished without it being more trouble for me (cleaning up messes constantly) and so that Maggie is not crazy with fear all the time. I have never hit the dog, yet my wife has and it still goes to her and acts like I'm going to beat her whenever I'm around. It has also gotten to know that my son is sent to get her so that I can put her outside, so she's intermittntly started running away from him, too. I think Maggie is ... not bright, I guess is the way I would describe her. But she's sweet and loving. She'll lick my hand if I'm lying in bed. She'll accept treats when she's behind my wife. She'll play nicely with the kids, so she's got it in her, but it just doesn't seem to really break at any time.

Answer
Hi Jeffrey, I feel the problem did not start with you. She was probably mistreated by a male before you adopted her. It is important that you, your wife and son all become pack leaders together and remain calm and assertive with Maggie. Please ask your wife to use calm and controlled discipline with her, never hitting her, and only using either a leash to correct her or your wife's fingers firmly touching her neck. Since so many fearful dogs become aggressive very easily, this is very important. You should all go on walks together daily. Have your wife begin leading the dog at the heel, but with the dog slightly behind her leg. Walk together, not letting the dog get ahead of anyone. Stay calm and relaxed. Once you are all walking at a good pace, have your wife hand you the leash and do not stop or look down. Just keep going. Then hand the leash over to your son, continuing to walk along. Once you can all do that easily for a week or two, begin a new exercise. As you are walking along, have your wife hand you the leash and have your wife drop behind or change directions while you and your son continue to walk forward. Again don't look down at the dog nor stop, just keep walking forward in a calm and controlled manner. When you are together in the home, have your wife call the dog over to sit with all of you. No talking, no eye contact, just include the dog into the pack you have created, with the people being fair, calm pack leaders and Maggie's energy calm. Try doing this after a good long walk when Maggie is tired. Sit on the couch together and bring Maggie over on the leash to sit at your feet. Read as much as you can about pack leadership and canine pack behavior. Dogs do not work off their emotions as much as they sense yours. Don't feel sorry for her. She is living in the moment and can and will adjust. Give her tidbits of the food you are eating from time to time to show her that you are willing to share with her, but do not get on the ground or bribe her, as this shows that you are submissive. Act very matter-of-fact when you are around her. This dog can not ever be punished by being struck and yelling does not make matters any better. Being quiet, calm, assertive leaders that provide her with lots of exercise to keep her mind sharp will help much more. Border collies and crosses are high energy dogs used to doing a job every day. They move herd animals from place to place. You must give her a job and walking her at the heel is a wonderful exercise for her mind and body. She could also carry a pack with some water bottles to make her feel more like she is working. You have adopted her so it is now your responsibility to meet her needs. Thank you so much for writing. Please leave me some feedback and follow up with me so that I know how you are progressing. If you get stuck, write to me and we can go from there. I look forward to hearing about your great progress. Regards, Susan