does my dog not like me??

Question
QUESTION: My golden retriever, whom I have raise from a puppy NEVER greets me with the wild enthusiasm she greets every one else ( even if I have been away for a week). I have been very calm with her since I got her when letting her out of crate when I was crate training and when coming back home from being out. She also doesnt wag her tail madly like she does for others. As pathetic as this sounds, it hurts my feelings!! Is it possible she just doesnt like me?
She sits by me on the couch and is affectionate that way...
I love her so much - she is my first ever dog. Thanks... Carol

ANSWER: ((((((((( carol )))))))) I really feel your pain here!  Don't despair, your dog loves you, she just appears to be perceiving you as SO high ranking (for whatever reason, NOTHING you did), combined with her temperament which may be quite "soft" (meaning she is not confident and is not likely to come forward FIRST to greet the highest ranking member of the household...YOU) that she is incapable of initiating this interaction.  The "greeting" you perceive her making toward others may NOT be what you think it is: watch her carefully.  Is her tail low and "wagging" quickly (especially at the tip?)  That is an indication of anxiety.  A wagging tail does not mean happiness; it can also indicate fear, submission, dominance, and a variety of subtle permutations of these things, depending upon tail set (high, low, body height, tucked between legs) and rapidity of movement (tip moving only, whole tail moving, etc.)  You may be totally misperceiving this entire thing.  You sound like a loving and dedicated owner; DO NOT take this personally.  Instead....read Turid Rugaas' book on "calming signals" so you CAN READ her body language and better understand it.

Enhance your relationship with this dog by getting information on positive reinforcement training (ClickerTraining.com).  Use it to train one behavior ("Sit", but use a unique word) slowly over the course of the next two to three weeks.  Teach her HOW to please you and that working with you is rewarding, then ask her (once she performs the behavior 100% of the time when you request it) to "work" for various treats and play interaction (with special stuffed toy you buy just for this purpose.)  While training her, walk around the house with this special stuffed toy, caress it, cuddle it, even sleep with it (to obtain your full scent); let her SEE you interacting with this stuffed toy.  Then, once she has obtained the trained behavior, use this toy as a special reward during her interaction with you after asking for the "sit".  That will be a remarkable reward for her (possession of this prized toy).  Let her keep it for a few minutes, then distract her and remove it.  Take this dog out with you for walks (even a few minutes at a time) and reward her (with a special treat) for making direct eye contact with you and approaching you freely.  Try all of this for about a month and then report back; I think you will see a great deal more free interaction and enthusiasm from her.  if not, we'll continue to work on this.  Don't give up and don't take this personally.

---------- FOLLOW-UP ----------

QUESTION: Thanks so much for your response. We have gone through obedience training. She is consistent with sit, down, give me a shake. She knows wait and stay. We are still working on come - she will just stand and look at me if she doesnt want to come to me.  We play tons of fetch with the chuck it toy and she brings the ball and drops it between my feet ( unless she knows I am getting ready to quit - then she wants to play keep the ball away from me!). She is very animated during the fetch - lots of wagging the tail and smiling. We walk on a regular basis. She comes up to me on her own when she wants to play with a toy. I work from home so she is rarely away from  me, but when I went on vacation an was gone for a week she was babysat by a friend with her own dogs, and when I picked her up even then she was like - oh, hmmm, its you... a few wags but nothing enthusiastic. The friend, who is also a dog trainer was suprised and even said she thought she would be more enthusiastic.  I have never been abusive to her - praise her ALOT and am very affectionate to her. REALLLY appreciate your input... Carol

Answer
IT'S YOUR TRAINING method.

Start again.  Go to: ClickerTraining.com.  Pretend the dog KNOWS NOTHING.  You have (inadvertently) taught her to avoid you under certain circumstances (have you used coercion? choker collar? correction? any of this?)  This is a basically "soft" dog and she has developed an approach avoidance issue with you; the only common denominator is the TRAINING method.

Learn about positive reinforcement; introduce the clicker with it IN YOUR POCKET (the sound may startle her at first); do NOT put a collar on her or touch her during short, multiple training events each day.  you do NOT need restraint with positive reinforcement; the dog learns to "work" for reward (the click/treat) VOLUNTARILY.  This will take a while (to turn her around in behavior) but be persistent.  It will eventually work; your dog will CHOOSE to "work", her trust in you will generalize (she demonstrates trust in other venues, i.e., around play, so it's not gone) and she will become the companion you want.  Please repost with results or any further questions and I would like to read "Think Dog", by John Fisher.