Will Larry King Marry Again

I haven't watched Larry King in years. Old Gravel Voice gets under my skin and so, watching him once in a decade is more than enough for me. My disgust with Larry goes back a few years (say, twenty or more), to a time when Larry had a book out, and on television one night, he told this tearjerker of a story about growing up, a couple of doors down from Dodger baseball legend, Sandy Koufax and how they used to hang out together in the neighborhood (Brooklyn).

Now...if you've never been there, Brooklyn is a pretty good sized place and in the old days, it was strictly divided along ethnic lines. Some of that still exists today...the further you get from Manhattan, but in those days (the 50's and 60's), Italians, Irish, Jews, Germans and so on, all had their own enclaves. So Larry's story had the sound of authenticity, but when I started recalling streets (I was born and raised in Brooklyn, too), something just didn't add up. Then, a pretty sharp old time baseball writer from da Bronx got a hold of the story, too, and it didn't make any sense to him, either.

He was a little more ambitious than I. He went to the old neighborhood and started nosing around. It turns out that there were a lot of holes in Larry's story. For one, Larry didn't live where he said he did. And Koufax didn't live in the same neighborhood. They didn't go to school together and they never hung out together. They probably had no idea the other even existed. This much of the story was true: Koufax was a Dodger and Larry is a huge Dodger fan.

But it seemed to me that Larry had invented about half his life story and so, I quit watching him. But when the stories about his latest marital troubles hit the media last week, I paid some attention. After all, when you're 76 and accused of boinking the wife's younger sister (she's 46 and has good genes), that's a story all by itself. The story seemed to be everywhere, even on sports radio and television, where Larry has a good number of friends. These guys were ecstatic over the story, because, as they said, "Old Larry is 76, and he's still getting it done." They were positively giddy and wished that when they got to Larry's age, that they could be involved in such a scandal.

Today I read that both Larry and the Missus have cooled off and that both divorce petitions could be withdrawn. It seems that the Missus had something going with a Little League coach and maybe Larry was just getting even (though I'd say that involving the younger sister would give him the heads-up, in my book).

And they do live in California, which isn't a part of the real world.

There is an important part to the Larry King story, which I'll tell. Years back, Larry lived at Morton's of Chicago and The Palm, two very important places for the powers that be, in Washington. He would eat lunch at Morton's and dinner at the Palm, devouring as much red meat and potaoes, as possible, washing it down with copious amounts of wine and various malt beverages.

Then, he had a heart attack. His doctor ordered him to change his diet... or die. Larry didn't want to die and complied. He also married his current wife, while recovering from heart surgery in the hospital. The two restaurants brought in special heart safe food, just for him. His diet became fish and salad and he even added exercise to his routine. He fathered two children after he was 60. And at 76, he's still "kickin' it," as they say on the street.

Larry may be a huckster, but he was smart enough to make changes to survive. I have to give him credit for that. Many people get the warning signals, but continue to behave just the way they always have. They'll get the results that Larry's doctor warned him about.

Now would be a good time to start taking my Powerhouse Omega Formula, an ultra pure, enteric coated, pharmaceutical grade fish oil, and start changing your diet, along with adding some exercise to your routine. I wouldn't recommend tapping the wife's sister, unless you have Larry King money and many a friend in the legal profession. When you get caught at that, you'll be better off having a heart attack. This is one of those times when, like the sportswriters, you can vicariously live through Larry, but not like him.

And yes, if old Larry does get divorced, he will remarry. And maybe have more kids.