Sheryl Crow And High Tech Toilets

The last time we heard from rocker Sheryl Crow was when she was on
some talk show and suggested that everybody should use just one
square of toilet paper. I guess she never eats pizza, or Mexican, or
maybe she doesn't eat any real food at all.

That suggestion immediately put her in my Stoo Pid Hall of Fame and
even got me to laugh at a Rosie O'Donnell joke about the situation.
Rosie said, "Apparently Sheryl has never seen my ass."

So as I'm reading today, I find another brilliant Sheryl Crow
comment and I have to tell you, she should consider running for
public office. In a recent interview, she was trying to convince
everybody about her greenness and said this: "My little boy is
worried about flushing the toilet...we're already starting...at two
and a half."

Wisdom like this is just so hard to come by and that kid should
thank his lucky stars that his Mom has already got him worrying
about how much water he uses, when the toilet flushes. And of course
the kid has no father, because that's not nearly as important as
saving the Earth.

On the other end of the spectrum, you can now buy a $5,500 toilet.
It comes with a remote control, so you can control the cleaning and
drying. I'm not kidding. And you can even get extra features, if you
so desire. Shave? Haircut? Gets you drink? This toilet would
eliminate paper altogether. Maybe the company could get Sheryl Crow
as a spokesperson. But I'm sure she would find something that
wouldn't pass her smell test.

A new hotel in Napa Valley has a bunch of these miracle toilets,
installed close to the bar, and the staff says that patrons
disappear into the loo for significant stretches of time. Maybe they
play Sheryl Crow music and have signs like "Our Pooper Doesn't Use
Paper." Instead of having the newspaper in glass at the urinal, an
attendant hands you a Kindle, or an IPad, to help you pass the time
while you're being squirted, scrubbed and sanitized.

For those of us who live in the real world and worry about things
that matter, like our health, there are practical solutions that
cost a lot less and actually have measurable benefits. Losing just
ten pounds can seriously lessen your chances of having a heart
attack. Taking an ultra pure, enetric coated, pharmaceutical grade
fish oil can do that, too, and lower your risk of contracting
Alzheimer's by a significant margin, to boot.

Being in better health can reduce the overall cost of medical care
by billions. If you don't have to use the System, you'll be much
better off. Prevention is where we need to go, as we roll into the
future.

We certainly won't get anywhere when two and a half year olds are
worried about potty training. There will never be enough shrinks to
handle that kind of idiocy.