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An Exercise In Exercise Patient: Why The Dog Is Banned From Future Workouts

2016/5/3 9:45:29

An Exercise In Exercise Patient: Why the Dog is Banned From Future Workouts

Although the dog is just a bit overweight, she is no longer allowed in the room during my workouts. Since I am currently nursing myself through a minor knee injury, I am laying off most of the high impact stuff and sticking to core work, upper body work and some lighter cardio. On this particular day I am doing laying core work and the dog is overjoyed. Apparently in my house, laying on the ground is an open invitation to play and spoil the dog no matter what your original intentions might have been.

For the record, the dog is usually banned from the room, especially during kick boxing and more complicated routines because she gets so uppity when I boot her in the kisser. If you sit at the end of the leg area of a kicking person, that is the logical conclusion. You put yourself in the kicking zone, you end up kicked. But, again, since there is no kicking going on, the dog was allowed in. This will not be a mistake that is repeated any time soon for several very interesting reasons.

First, there was the bone, or rather a small, bone shaped dog treat. She gets one for going outside to potty but often hides them around the house for that moment when she needs something to make the people of the house go particularly nutty. As I am laying there getting ready to move on to the next exercise I feel something plonk onto my bare leg. I sit up slightly, grab the soggy bone and chuck it across the room. A few minutes later the bone is back, this time on the side of my face. A quarter of an inch to the left and I would have choked on it. Thanks dog, I will stick to bananas for post workout snacks.

After tiring of the drop, throw, find, drop routine with the bone, she decided to stick her cold wet snout into my belly button and snort. Not just a gentle snort but one that could have technically overinflated my head if I were a cartoon person. I shouted "lay down" and immediately regretted that command. There I am laying on the floor and plop, here comes eighty pounds of dog to join me. Now my arm is pinned to the floor and quickly losing sensation. That is when I hear "extend your left arm to the sky" from the TV. Not happening. I convince her to get up. She moves over me, turns and flops down again, this time with her tail on my shoulder and her business end in my face. That's it. Workout time is now over and a new rule is written, one that will be stringently enforced from now on.