Children & Pet Loss

It is a fact of life that most pets have a much shorter lifespan
than do their human guardians. Only parrots and tortoises, under
ideal conditions, have lifespans similar to (or longer than)
their caretakers.

Losing a pet to illness, injury, or old age – no matter how
devastating and sad the loss – is ‘normal.’

Many pets are ‘members of the family.’ They are significant
companions, not only to their adult guardians, but also to
children in the immediate family. They may also be important to
children of ‘extended’ families – relatives, neighbors, and
friends.

This pamphlet is a reminder and aid to prepare and involve
children when your pet is dying or has died. The death of a pet
is oftentimes the first personal experience with death a child
has.

It is important to take time to organize a celebration of the
pet’s life, as the end of its life nears, or to make
preparations to meet the needs of a child after the loss of the
pet. Memorializing the life of a beloved pet may help to ease
the grief that both you and your child will feel. The fullness
of preparations surrounding death can be a final gift the pet
offers a child through you – a source of emotional strength they
will have for a lifetime.

Things to do:

* Tell your children if your pet’s health is poor. Use simple
language to explain the medical problem (arthritis, kidney
disease, or simply ‘old age.’) Let them know if the health
problem will eventually result in the death of the pet. “Spot is
very sick, and though we are trying everything we can to make
him comfortable, he will die soon.”

* Organize a family meeting to discuss the health of your pet.
Ask members of the family to describe what the pet has enjoyed
most in life – going for walks, chasing gophers, sleeping in the
sunlight, etc.

Then ask what kind of life the pet would not enjoy – the
inability to eat or drink, to get outside on their own, to walk
without pain. Let members of the family decide what quality of
life is necessary for the pet to continue living happily.

* Make a family decision that all members can support. Draw a
line beyond which the pet’s life is no longer considered
‘quality’ – if the pet refuses to eat for 2 days in a row or if
he vomits when he tries; if he can’t get outside to go to the
bathroom 2 days in a row. By drawing a line ahead of time you
commit to recognizing and enjoying each day the pet’s basic
necessities are met; and you commit to euthanasia at a time
dictated entirely by your love and understanding of the pet, not
by emotions and grief.

* Teach your children about your philosophy and religious
beliefs. The death of a pet can be a time to examine your own
beliefs about death – your child can only benefit from being
included in discussions about your faith.

* Don’t tell your child the pet will be ‘put to sleep.’ This can
cause your child to have difficulty sleeping themselves for fear
they will also leave this world forever.

* Don’t tell your child the pet has ‘gone away.’ Children can
interpret this to mean that somehow their love was inadequate to
make the pet stay, and they may feel guilty and responsible.

* Be honest. It has been shown that using words and phrases like
‘died’, ‘dead’, and ‘helped to die’ (euthanasia) – however
painful and harsh – help children clearly understand and accept
the reality of the pet’s death without negatively impacting
their sense of self-worth and security.

Ways to celebrate your pet:

Make a photo album of your favorite pet pictures. Include
pictures that include each member of your family. Add photos of
the animal at all stages of its life – young, at its prime, in
old age.

Have your children write letters to their pet – or draw
pictures. These can become part of the pet’s photo album or they
can be buried or cremated with the remains of the pet. They are
a means to let your children voice, into the unknown, the
importance of this animal.

Make an impression of your pet’s foot in clay or concrete. (See
your local hardware store for supplies, or ask your veterinarian
if they have a kit.)

Clip some hair from your pet – put it in a special ‘keepsake.’

Light candles.

Plan a special ceremony at the death of the pet. Invite all the
people who knew the pet and who might have had a special
attachment to him. Invite them to express feelings, tell stories
about the pet that includes their history and experiences with
the pet.

Have a ‘burial’ – this can be the remains (or cremains) of the
pet – or it can just be the burial of the symbols of the love
the pet experienced in the way of poems, pictures or photos.

The loss of a beloved pet is always impossibly difficult. To
teach a child the enormity of this loss and the necessary
acceptance of it is to teach them love of life; and offers them
an honest and healthy means to confront all future love-losses.

The above is general veterinary information. Do not begin
any course of treatment without consulting your regular
veterinarian. All animals should be examined at least once every
12 months.