Coping With The Loss Of A Beloved Pet

Sponsored by www.grievingyourpet.com

Hello, my name is Denise Fiennes, an experienced pet owner, a trained counsellor and a member of the British Association of Counsellors and Psychotherapists (MBACP), with over 20 years' experience in dealing with people, young and old, in crisis and distress.

I have loved and lost many pets throughout my life. Some of my pets lived a long time, while some died tragically. All gave immense pleasure, love and companionship and, yes, helped me through loss as well! All are remembered for their unique personalities, facial expressions, different talents and joyful times spent together.

If these memories and joys resonate with you it might explain why losing a pet is so hard. When grief hits us the world turns into chaos and, amazingly, everyone around us carries on as if nothing has happened. We can feel so devastated and yet the world continues to spin! This feels extremely strange and from that moment on we need coping mechanisms and a daily plan to help us through our journey of loss and sadness.

The therapeutic value of pets is renowned and the pleasure, love and companionship that pets can bring us is immeasurable. No wonder the loss of a much loved animal is so devastating; they are so much a part of the family and in some cases, they ARE family.

Maybe you want to help a friend or a child come to terms with what has happened. Perhaps your pet is ill, or and you are preparing yourself for what is to come and trying to make a difficult, heartbreaking decision. You will need to find your courage and pace yourself at this difficult time.

When I was a child I had rabbits, mice and then dogs. Even the smallest pets were given grand burials and many tears were shed. For most of my adult life I have owned, bred and trained dogs and I am now back to one much loved, much admired small dog, Monty, who lives with me in the South of France.

Monty is a Pet As Therapy dog (a PAT dog), which means he visits people who are in the hospitals – often teenagers with depression and other difficulties, or old people who may be isolated and lonely. It is wonderful to see the effect he has on young, troubled people and the fun they give back to him! It also means that we share a special bond as we work together as therapists. Though I take a passive role when he is visiting, I still learn a lot from his ability to connect with people.

As a counsellor, and bereaved as a sister, wife, daughter, friend and pet owner, I have found my way through tragic loss and profound grief more times than is sensible for one lifetime. However, the experiences have taught me so much and have helped me enormously in my chosen field of helping others.

You may also be aware that pets too can grieve for their lost families or companions. This can be distressing until they have been able to work their way through such a loss and have once again discovered their spirit and joy.

As a crisis counsellor at the UK helpline charity Childline, I often dealt with children who asked about death in all its forms and some of whom were sad and confused over the death of their pet. That’s why it’s so important for us to remember that at a time like this, talking about the issue is critical for all of us. However, it is particularly important for children who, at various ages, may react differently and profoundly to the death of a beloved pet.

It is important to understand your loss and grief; to accept the varying emotions and reactions as a normal, albeit a difficult part of life, and to know that there is a process and a journey that all of us have to go through before we can get our lives back on track. Professional guidance and proven techniques can help you through your personal ordeal. Grief tends to come in waves and by using relaxation and imagery you can ride these waves until they begin to grow smaller over time.

Remember that you are only suffering so profoundly because you have the ability to care so deeply. In my e book, I am speaking to you not only as an individual who has experienced grief herself, but also as a professional who has worked with many people going through the exact same thing you may be currently experiencing.

Although you may not think so now, in the painful state you are in, your loss could be a life changing experience.

Throughout this journey through grief, you will learn a lot about yourself and others. There will be those who cannot understand the depth of your feelings or the love, trust and devotion you shared with your pet. What is important however is that you are true to your own feelings and that you deal with your journey in your own way, for as long as it takes to make a healthy recovery. For some people this process is quick and they move on to wanting another pet to help them recover. For others, it takes much longer and they cannot bring themselves to replace their pet until they have come to terms with their feelings.

Whatever your experience, this is normal and personal to you and it is understandably hurtful if people say 'it's only a pet..'

Deal with yourself and those around you in a loving and compassionate way in order to journey through grief in the most positive way possible, all the while working towards acceptance, remembering the joyful times and a happier heart.

Denise Fiennes MBACP

www.grievingyourpet.com

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