Helping People Grieve: Animals at Funeral Homes

It may not be surprising that funeral homes throughout the country employ grief counselors to help people mourn their lost loved ones and start the recovery process. But that those grief counselors sometimes make people feel better with a wag of the tail or rub against the leg may come as news.

Derek and Flags at Hillcrest Memorial ParkA handful of funeral homes throughout the country are using dogs to help people who are in emotional distress. Perhaps the best-known dog in the funeral industry is Derek, a 9-year-old golden retriever and the faithful companion of Tom Flynn, the owner of Hillcrest Memorial Park. Flynn's son, John, owns the John Flynn Funeral Home in Hermitage, Pa., and the pair also operate the Hillcrest-Flynn Pet Funeral Home and Crematory.

"For family members, I would say Derek is like an oasis amid a sea of grief," Tom Flynn said. "He will change all those bad feelings."

Flynn explained that about seven years ago, he decided to get a dog. A friend of his, who was a volunteer for Canine Companions for Independence, suggested Flynn look into the organization. About 90 percent of the dogs trained by Canine Companions for Independence go to disabled people, and the remaining 10 percent end up at facilities - generally hospitals or schools.

"Derek was the first service dog placed in a funeral home in the United States," said Flynn, who had to spend two weeks with Derek at the facility before bringing him home. "They really match the dog to the person, not the other way around," Flynn explained. He added that when he went to the facility several years ago, there were eight people and 11 dogs.

Miraculously, at the end of the two weeks, each person got the dog they wanted. "The bonds were just so strong from the training," Flynn said. "Derek was my first choice but not the first choice with the other seven people."

Derek on Duty

Typically, when a family walks into the Flynn funeral home, a staff member will ask them if they would like to have Derek present. "More and more over the years, people have opted to have him there," Flynn said. "They see the dog and invariably they smile, and then I approach them. Derek is very gentle. Sometimes I will even drop his leash, and he'll pick it up, put it in his mouth and walk over to them."

One of the great things about Derek is that he instinctively knows who needs him the most. He'll usually go first to the children, then to women and then to men. "When we do grief therapy, he'll basically go in a circle and visit everyone, and if someone starts crying, he will break off and go to that person," Flynn said.

Tom Flynn and Derek of Hillcrest Memorial ParkAs far as families are concerned, there has been a universal positive response to Derek. The golden retriever has attended hundreds of funerals, and the business has never gotten a complaint. Of course, a family can decide that they don't want Derek at the services.

"We do it on a case-by-case basis," Flynn explained. "Sometimes, the surviving spouse asks Derek to be with them, and they will stand at the casket with Derek with them and greet people who come to the visitation."

Derek also does his share of good deeds outside the funeral home. Flynn donates his dog's services to Sharon Regional Health System. At the hospital, if staff members are trying to get a child to walk again, they will often have Derek stand 10 feet away and then ask the child, "Why don't you go see the dog." Flynn said, "All of a sudden, there the child will be, standing next to Derek."

Flynn and Derek are inseparable and pretty much go everywhere together. They even traveled to New York City after Sept. 11, 2001, to work with a Long Island hospital that was helping children. "The director said that Derek was the most positive influence on the children of anything that they were doing at that facility," Flynn said proudly.

Other Funeral Homes Recognize Value of Pets

James M. Olson, owner of Lippert-Olson Funeral Home in Sheboygan, Wis., and a spokesperson with the National Funeral Directors Association, also knows the value of pets in helping people dealing with grief.

"As a funeral director and dog owner myself, I can understand the unconditional, without question and nonjudgmental love that comes from a pet," he said. "This can be extremely beneficial to the families who are experiencing a loss. Whether it is with small children who just want someone to hug or adults who just need someone to sit by silently and be there for them, pets can fill an empty place in the heart to help one
along during the grieving process."

Olson, who lives above his funeral home, has a German shepherd named Lobo who assists him in serving families. "Many times he greets people from upstairs, and I am asked to bring him in to meet a family," he said. "Animals have a way of naturally putting people at ease, which opens up a dialogue where the family feels comfortable with you and the environment they are in."

As far as Flynn is concerned, every funeral home should look into having a dog on staff to comfort grieving families. "Anyone who deals with grief or works with patients on a long-term basis should think about getting a dog," he said. "They are wonderful."