What’s In The Water Over There

Over on the other side of the state, they must have some strange vitamins and minerals in the water that cause people to go absolutely haywire. I’m talking about the Tampa area, where some strange things happen with regularity.

The first thing I wrote about was a crack smoker that managed to get tangled up with a gator. This genius was sitting on an embankment lighting up, when a 12 foot gator snatched him up. Luckily for the crackhead, there was a tree he could grab on and the gator couldn’t pull him under the water.

He and the gator fought to a draw, until daylight, when someone noticed the crackhead’s predicament and called rescue workers, who spent two hours extricating him. He needed about two hundred stitches to close the areas where the gator had a grip.

Then, there were the young female teachers, who were teaching teenage boys how to do the horizontal bop, before the legal age of consent. A couple of them were released on bond and went right back to teaching some more boys, which got them arrested a second time.

Now over in Clearwater (a short drive from Tampa, to the west), a man shot and killed his dog, after an argument with his wife. Now there is no shortage of loons in Clearwater, with it being the Vatican of Scientology and home to many a Shanghai Jesus.

Police responded to reports of gunshots and found a dead pooch and a passed out owner, in a Clearwater backyard. When the police searched the premises, they found 47 year old Yuri Solovyev, face down in the grass. The deceased 9 year old chow was a few feet away.
I suppose in Russia this is somewhat normal behavior, but his neighbors took a dim view, especially since one of the rounds meant for the dog went through their window.

The story is that Yuri had a big argument with his wife, who split the scene. He started drinking, became extremely intoxicated and eventually turned his gun on the dog, shooting it multiple times. This�in a strange way�would appear to be good news for the wife.

Police ascertained that Yuri was in the process of burying the dog, when he passed out. He was taken to the hospital for a medical evaluation, because of his high level of intoxication. I’m sure that took medical personel all of about 30 seconds to determine.

�He’s drunk. Transport him to jail and let him sleep it off there.� I certainly wouldn’t have admitted him, or wasted any time, or money on him. If his papers weren’t in order, I would have had him on a plane bound for Moscow, pronto.

But in the Obama justice system, he’ll be here for years and probably qualify for citizenship and social security, as well as health care. He may even be the guy standing in front of you, while you wait and wait for some faceless bureaucrat to approve or disapprove whatever procedure you need.

It’s enough to set you on edge and make your joints ache. Luckily�I have a little something for your joints and you don’t have to go to California smoke shack to get it. (That’s a �medical marijauna� storefront.) That’s where you get so buzzed, you forget why you came.

No�what I have is my Joint Health Formula, which can help you alleviate some of what you go through. It won’t cure you, but it will make things easier. I had a pretty good formula when I started, but when I added the New Zealand Green Lipped Mussel, I knew I had a real winner.

These fatty acids really promote anti-inflammatory activity and aid in the reduction of joint swelling. Combined with the other ingredients, there is even the possibility of regenerating degenerative cartilage.

If you’re going to the Tampa area, bring your own water, or just visit Orlando.