Question
Gizmo
I took my beautiful healthy six month old male Lionhead named Gizmo to the vets two days ago to be neutered and he died under the anaesthetic, at the moment I can't cope with the guilt I feel as I've killed him. I thought I had done everything right I researched which vet to use he went through the prosedure with me. I loved him so much he was a house rabbit only went outside when the weather was right he was so sweet natured. I just can't come to terms with what I've done. We had another house rabbit for nine years he died a year ago and was neutured I know it's the best thing for them but how can I rid myself of the guilt.
AnswerDear Shirley,
I am so sorry about the tragic death of your friend. If the vet who neutered him does this routinely with success, then it is possible that Gizmo had some underlying condition that made him a poor surgical risk. Or he may have had a rare, idiosyncratic reaction to the anesthesia or the procedure itself.
Did the vet indicate any particular reason for death? At what point during the procedure did Gizmo stop? These might help you figure out the *why*.
But of all things, please don't blame yourself. I know it's hard. I have had this same thing happen to a perfectly healthy, wonderful cottontail (Timmy) who just arrested as he was coming out of anesthesia. I was in the operating room and we were able to revive him, but he was so long without oxygen that he died a couple of days later. It was so devastating because I felt this was an elective procedure that *I* had chosen for him. (There were extenuating circumstances necessitating the neuter, but it didn't help the guilt.)
I tell you this only so you'll know that I know exactly where you're coming from. Even though we know we were not wielding the scalpel or holding the mask, we feel as if we were the ones responsible.
We were not. We had no way to predict this, and it is so rare as to be unthinkable under most circumstances. We were trying to do the right thing.
There is no going back. We have to accept that this is done, and it came out badly through no fault of our own. Our beautiful friends' lives were cut short and it seems so horrible and unfair.
But there are two things to remember.
1. Gizmo had a fantastic, love-filled life with you, even though his life was far too short. Most rabbits never know a loving touch, but he had love and pampering every day of his brief life.
2. There are much worse ways to die than under anesthesia. He did not suffer. He just went to sleep and there was no pain. I have seen so many horrible, painful and even lingering deaths that I know that a death like Gizmo's--even though it was horribly, painfully wrong and early--was not a miserable death. It was peaceful and without fear or pain.
I wish there were other things I could tell you to ease the guilt, but I know that nothing anyone says can really help. You know in your heart that it was not your fault, and that you hoped for a normal outcome. Gizmo should be home with you now.
People deal with unexpected tragedies like this every day, and we wonder how we can go on. But we do because there are others who need us. Some day you will find another bunny to let into your heart, and Gizmo will be happy to know that this great bunny mom did not give up because of one terrible accident that no one could foresee.
I am so very sorry.
Sincerely,
Dana
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