cohabitating dog and cat

Question
My boyfriend and I are talking marriage.  We have chosen not to live together until we are married. We are both older young adults (appr.30) so we both have acquired pets that have part of our lives for an extended period of time.  He has two dogs.  I have one dog and one cat.  My dog and cat have lived with eachother for two years and get along great.  My dog has met and after some struggles has begun to fit in with his other two dogs.  My concern is my cat.  His older alpha dog is very aggressive about his things be it a food bowl or chew toy only with other animals.  He has never lunged or growled at us when we put our hands on his things, but he has attacked my dog aggressively.  I am concerned for the life of my cat.  I do not want to give her up, but I fear her life would end with this dog, and I am sorry but I would never be able to look at him the same and might resent him living in our home.  What can I do?

Answer
Hi Amy,
  First let me offer my congrats on your upcoming celebration....Next let me offer a wish of good luck !
There seem to be a couple of issues that need to be addressed.
1.  There needs to be a new "pack" order established.
In the wild a pack establishes Alpha order meaning that every animal in that pack ranks AFTER the alpha male. In domesticated animals (who in their minds are still following the ancestry of pack order) Alpha order is still a factor the only problem with that is that your dogs should not be allowed to be the alpha. The master of your home should assume the role of Alpha dog because none of your animals should have the last say. Alpha dog is the controlling entity and your dogs should not do anything or go anywhere unless they are allowed to by the alpha.
The best way to establish this since you are combining "packs" is to gather up all toys and only allow them to play with them when you give them to them and then take them back so they have to ask you to play with them(you only need to do this until order is established, you will recognize when this happens). Next feed them only after you have finished eating not before ( Alpha always eats first). and make sure to praise heavily when you notice order is changing. The aggresive behavior towards the other animals will also slow to a stop when he realizes that they are all being fed at the same time after you have eaten because he will then assume that he is not alpha anymore just part of the pack.
2.  Now for Mr.Kitty.  Believe it or not cats are some of the most resilient animals that have ever been domesticated.
Hence the saying "the have 9 lives". The feline world is an amazing place and they have adapted to indoor/outdoor life by the fight or flight theory. Cats will do one or all of three things
a.) crouch and freeze...they get low and don't move to try to blend or scope out thier situation
b.) fight..they develop what is known as piloerection or simply put "halloween syndrome"-back becomes arched, hair stands on end, growling, hissing, and spitting along with the ocassional swatting boxing match if the aggressor gets too close
c.) flight...move out of the way,because this kitty is going to find shelter either up high (fridge counter curtains? or get low under the couch, bed, dresser,etc.
Occasionally if it is a new place and unfamiliar they wont know where those places are and they will run around like a mad hatter (all the while searching for appropriate shelter) until their hiding spot is found.

  Remember that this is normal for bringing unfamiliar animals together and will pass as they get used to the smells and behaviors of the rest of their new pack (kitty included) I wish the best of luck to you and hope you are all very happy.                         Beth