NUGGS

Question
PLEASE HELP!!!!Our 12 yr. old son just lost his mother 6months ago.Ever since he has become aggressive towards our other cats.He has lost weight!!The final straw hit today when he did not want to go outside!!He loves to go riding just like a dog.HE is soooo very important to us what can we do to help him?????

Answer
Jullian,

It sounds like your cat is going through the cat equivalent of PTSD (post traumatic stress disorder).  Because cats have very real emotions that they experience, such as sadness, fear, anger, loneliness, etc, when they lose someone that they're close to or have a bond with, it affects them just like it would affect humans--they grieve!  

It has been widely studied and documented that cats grieve the loss of other cats, and even humans. If this guy lost his mom 6 mos ago, then he's definitely grieving.  He's depressed, and the depression is affecting his behavior.  Losing weight and withdrawing from activities he previously liked are classic signs.  I would highly recommend seeing your vet.  Discussing treatment options that may help him grieve his loss, while at the same time reassuring him that he's still very much loved and part of the family.  Sometimes, this is just as easy as paying more attention to him, playing with him more often, allowing him to snuggle/cuddle with you more frequently, petting him slowly and softly while at the same time talking to him very softly in a soothing, reassuring, calm voice.  Cats know when we are loving them, they know from the tone of our voice that we are saying loving words, and of course, our actions show them how much we love them.  But just like with people, even though you know you love him dearly, he needs to hear and see that over and over.  Think of a depressed person.  They may have family members and friends that love that person dearly and will do anything to help the depressed person; from spending time with the person, to talking to them, to inviting them out.  But someone who's clinically depressed doesn't hear or see this.  They don't see the love surrounding them, and they truly think they are alone in this world.  Cats are no different, and think the same way when they are depressed.  Obviously we can't call up a cat and take him out for a drink, but we can hold them and play with them and just plain love them and be very affectionate.  

Depression can take a long time to recover from.  It's no different in cats.  It can take months to yrs to recover from it.  So, it's critical that your support remains.  With other cats in the home, while you don't want to ignore the other cats, you want to pay just as much, if not more, attention to the cat who's depressed, but do so in a way that isn't so obvious to the other cats.  Eventually, your goal is to bring this cat around, back to his former self.  Engage him in his usual activities that he used to like.  If he liked to go outside, then make sure he does, even if you put him on a leash or just carry him outside in your arms and the two of you walk around.  

Most important is to allow him to grieve the loss of his mother.  If you've removed her things, bring them back out.  Let him smell them and be around them.  Let him remember her and smell her smell, so he can recognize she's gone, not coming back, but she's still a part of the family.  This can encourage the cat to grieve and accept the loss, but if you've removed all of her things immediately following her death, then it didn't allow him to go through his grieving process properly.  Cats will also often spend a lot of time where the cat that left used to sleep; or may avoid the cat's sleeping spots altogether; or may suddenly pick out her toys she played with and play with them where he never did before, or vice versa.  Just like people, cats grieve in their own ways, and in their own time, and we have to respect that.  

However, when physiological changes start to occur, such as aggression and weight loss, then that could be an indicator that he's either not grieved or is still grieving, and he's feeling like no one's respecting his feelings.  He still needs to be disciplined when he's aggressive towards the other cats, otherwise, he will get into the habit of thinking that's okay.  So, when you catch him doing that, spray him with a mixture of water and white vinegar (85-90% water, 10-15% vinegar) and spray him on his backside or backend; never in the face.  Try to make it look like the water just came out of nowhere, and say NO when you spray.  Or, instead of using the spray, you can make a snake hissing sound very loudly, as cats don't like that sound and can be a good deterrent (sort of like "sssstttt").  

If he's losing weight, you need to keep his weight up.  Offer him his favorite treats, or entice him or bribe him with his favorite treats on his food.  Mix in a little tuna with his food.  Sprinkle some parmesan cheese on his food, pour a little bit of salmon or sardine oil on his food--anything to get him to eat. Loss of appetite is definitely a sign of depression, so it will be important to keep his appetite up.  If all else fails, and he's not eating, or not eating enough, you can always give him an appetite stimulant like cyproheptadine (with your vet's approval of course).  It may even be worthwhile to see a feline behaviorist if he doesn't start to come around.  And there's always antidepressants as well.  

Right now, it sounds like he's just grieving the loss of his mom.  Let him grieve, but let him know he's supported and loved.  And let him go through his grieving process they way he wants and needs to go through it.  Remember, there's 5 stages to grief, and he will go through each one at his own pace and at his own time.  Keep your vet informed of what's going on, and enlist the help of your vet if need be.  

Hope he does okay.  Losing a loved one is so difficult for cats!  

Savannah